Month: July 2014

There are many things I’ve done over the years that hurt others, with almost all of them having occurred during the time I was extremely active in some type of an addiction. Up until the past year or so, I had never been on the receiving end of any of those things, meaning I never felt the pain that others went through from my toxic behaviors. Over the past nine months though, that’s no longer been the case as I’ve definitely been getting a taste of my own medicine.

Getting a taste of one’s own medicine definitely sucks, but I believe it’s necessary when on a spiritual journey to find enlightenment. Some may say that receiving this medicine is no different than one’s karma coming back to bite them in the ass, but I’m choosing to look at this quite differently these days.

I’ve often struggled to have compassion for those I’ve met who were experiencing the same things I inflicted upon others because I didn’t know what it felt like. My deepest desire is to help others and be a selfless person in life, but how was I going to be able to do that successfully without ever having had any of that pain inflicted upon me? Not that I like to get pain, but I believe that sometimes the Universe allows us to be placed directly in the line of getting a taste of our own medicine solely for the purpose of completely learning a lesson. In my case, each time it’s happened, it’s led me to the same conclusion. I never wish to repeat that pattern of toxic behavior again and I have a much deeper amount of love and compassion for anyone else who may experience it themselves.

The first time I started getting this taste of my own medicine and learning a lesson came last October when I discovered my partner’s infidelity. At first, I was extremely angry and hurt because of it. My ego wanted to get back at him and even end our relationship over it, but through the help of my Higher Power, I saw how his actions were really no different than any of what I had done to all my previous partners. After making that realization, I had no desire to follow any of what my ego was trying to tell me to do.

The second time I started getting this taste of my own medicine and learning a lesson was when a friend of mine began talking behind my back. The things being said of me were far from true and each hurt worse than the last when they came back to me. My ego once again wanted to act out and do a similar behavior, but through the help of my Higher Power, I was able to see how I once did that on a regular basis when I had no recovery or spirituality working in my life.

The third time I started getting this taste of my own medicine happened only a few weeks ago when I learned even more about the full extent of my partner’s infidelity. There had been several lies by omission, even when given the prior opportunity to come fully clean. But this time, I didn’t allow my ego to go anywhere at all because I could see how I lied countless times by omission to everyone I ever spent time closely with for years and years.

The most recent example I have of getting a taste of my own medicine happened last week with one of my closest friends in the world. When I left Massachusetts, he and I promised each other we would talk once a week so that we wouldn’t allow too much distance to get between each other. But last week, he didn’t call me and it’s been a reoccurring pattern for him more than not since I left. Usually, I’ve had to be the one to call him again and again just to get him on the phone, with each time hearing him tell me how busy he’s been. The ironic thing is that I once did this to him with such regularity when I lived in Virginia, yet I never thought about how it may be affecting him when months went by without any contact from me.

So I’m convinced that all of these things are part of my spiritual growth and I’m sure there will be more of them in the future. Getting a taste of my own medicine truly isn’t easy, but I’m welcoming it a lot more nowadays. That’s solely because the more I experience the same pain I once inflicted regularly upon others, the more I truly never want to repeat any of those negative behaviors again. But even more importantly, the more it builds an even deeper foundation of love and compassion for everyone on this planet.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Have you ever been asked to describe yourself in three words? Or better yet, have you ever asked someone else to describe you in the same way? I know I have on both counts and what’s interesting is how those words have continued to change the more I’ve grown spiritually.

Describing myself in three words has always been far easier to do than asking another to do it for me. In many of the job interviews I’ve had in years past, I frequently was asked to answer this question. Usually I responded with some words I know they wanted to hear such as “dedicated”, “thorough”, and “punctual”. While they were definitely true of my character at the time and on some level still are; they weren’t necessarily the ones that described me accurately. The ones that were probably more appropriate at the time were “needy”, “high-maintenance”, and “selfish”. Thankfully, that’s not who I am anymore. Since working on my 12 Step recovery, my life has changed greatly for the better. I see myself so much differently today and feel there are three better words I’d use to describe myself now. They are “spiritual”, “selfless”, and “passionate”.

“Spiritual” is because I look for that in everything in and around me today.

“Selfless” is because I do my best to place other’s needs ahead of my own now.

“Passionate” is because I put my all in everything I do no matter what it is nowadays.

On the flip side of the coin though is how others might describe me using only three words. Ironically, in all the years prior to me working the 12 Steps, the sad reality was those words were still the same of “needy”, “high-maintenance”, and “selfish”. Occasionally I might have also heard a few other words such as “drama” or “negative”. But rarely were any of them positive-based and for good reason, as I was a very addiction-prone and toxic person at the time. Gratefully, this seems to be drastically different now and what’s interesting to note is how the words I’m using to describe myself today are also the same ones that others are describing of me. Most will say now that I am “spiritual”, “selfless”, and “passionate” and I’m quite happy to hear that. It’s my hope that the three words others perceive of me are the same ones I’m doing my best to foster within me.

On a whim, I decided while writing this article that it would be interesting to ask my partner to honestly describe me in three of his own words. He responded with “articulate”, “spiritual”, and “determined”. I was thankful to hear two new descriptors of me, as each are positive qualities I’m also trying to develop within me these days.

I truly believe it’s a good exercise for each of us to occasionally describe ourselves in three words. But, I believe it’s just as important of an exercise to ask those who are closest to us to do it. It’s probably a safe bet to say that when they match up, that it really is who we are in a nutshell. But, if by some chance they don’t, it might be a good time to take a deeper look within and start to work with our Higher Power on developing the qualities we truly want to portray.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I spent this past Sunday evening listening to Sarah McLachlan in concert at an amphitheater in Toledo, OH. While I really didn’t know any of her songs but one, I found myself having admiration of her career that has spanned several decades so far. But what I admired most about her while she performed was how happy she seemed to be up on stage. I believe the only reason for that is how spiritually fulfilling it is for her and truthfully, that’s something I’m still searching for.

The sad reality is I’ve never been spiritually fulfilled in any of my former careers. Several decades ago, my first professional one began with me as a computer consultant and I would spend the next ten years doing it. I also spent those ten years being quite miserable because I never felt uplifted doing any of it. When I left that rat race, I spent the next seven years owning and managing a bed and breakfast that ended up making me feel even more miserable than my computer career, and rarely did I ever feel uplifted there either. Since I parted ways from the B&B, I’ve really only been working on one thing and that’s to discover anything in life that bring me spiritual fulfillment.

The fact is my work life has spanned close to several decades just like Sarah’s has, except none of my jobs, even in my teenage years, ever brought me any spiritual fulfillment. What I mean by this “spiritual fulfillment” is hard to describe in words. I think it’s much easier described in watching someone like Sarah sing with all her passion, and to watch her genuinely smile the entire time. Throughout my entire work life up to the point I parted ways with that bed and breakfast, I can honestly say I was never able to do that.

The first time I ever felt like I had any type of spiritual fulfillment in what I was doing was when I began teaching others how to meditate. Seeing others have very moving spiritual experiences during my meditations have always moved my heart greatly. When I began to speak about my experience, strength, and hope in recovery from my former addiction based life, I found the same thing happening. Eventually I was led to writing about these things and the rest of my life experiences as well, and there too I’ve found myself having spiritually fulfillment when doing it. But here’s my quandary, I’m not exactly sure how to take these things and make them into a paying career.

My spiritual teacher continues to tell me that my only concern at the present time should be to continue doing these spiritually fulfilling things, even though I’m not getting paid for them. So far, she hasn’t led me astray so I’m choosing to trust in what she’s saying. It’s still hard though because I truly hope to one day have a career where I can be paid for doing something that’s spiritually fulfilling like I know Sarah McLachlan is in her singing career.

The bottom line though is that I don’t ever want to end up in a job again where I dread every moment I’m doing it. There are too many people in this world who already do that and I was once one of them. So I pray to God hoping that I’m on the right path now to finding spiritual fulfillment in my next career. Thank you Sarah McLachlan for showing me that it’s definitely possible…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson