I’m sure the first time I heard the spiritual saying that “The teacher will appear when the student is ready” I probably just rolled my eyes. I’m also just as sure the only reason why I would have done that at the time was that I wasn’t ready to learn anything from anyone.
Rarely in my addiction-fueled days was anything in charge of me except for my ego. To put it rather bluntly, the only teacher I had during all those years was myself. There of course were many moments when various people tried to teach me something, but I was always so caught up in my self-centeredness that anything they said would only go in one ear and out the other. That all changed by the end of the summer in 2007 though when my pain became great enough from living that addiction-laden life.
It was late in August when I had just landed in Massachusetts after a month-long whirlwind trip overseas. I felt completely broken inside so I decided to contact my only remaining recovery friend in the area. He invited me to come to his next AA home group that Friday night and I accepted. As they say in AA, I was so tired of being sick and tired, that I became willing to do anything to feel better. In the past, I would have scoffed at the idea of going to a meeting on a Friday night, but not this time. When that night came, I was emotional mess and truly wanted to stop feeling that way. When the meeting ended that evening, a woman approached me and said she was willing to be my sponsor and help guide me through the 12 Steps, but only if I was completely willing to do the work. I was so incredibly depressed that I was ready to do anything I needed to do to heal, so I said yes. Lorraine was the name of that sponsor and she became the first teacher I was ever willing to listen to and be a student of in life.
I spent around two years learning the 12 Steps from Lorraine. She was a wonderful teacher who knew when to give praise, and when to give me a swift kick the in the butt. Ironically, I was the first male sponsee that she ever had. Old timers in recovery always say when it comes to sponsorship that it’s, “a male for a male, and a female for a female”. But that didn’t work for me. I didn’t trust men given that one had molested me at a very young age. I somehow believe that my Higher Power knew this and led Lorraine to break that sponsorship guideline and help me. The fact is I was definitely ready to be a student at that point in my life and the teacher truly did appear at that time because of it. Sadly, I eventually parted ways from Lorraine only because I allowed my ego to resume control all over again.
It took me four more years of allowing that until my Higher Power guided the next spiritual teacher into my life. Her name is Manin and oddly enough she had been a part of my life since the latter part of 2005. I was first introduced to her back then when I needed help to heal on a holistic level from something. Unfortunately, once that was taken care of by her, I kept more distance than closeness from her during the course of the next seven years. The reality was I wasn’t ready for the caliber of work I’d go through under her guidance. Instead, I only sought her support in crises mode to help me put out the fires I kept creating in and around my life. She was always able to do that and give me wonderful spiritual advice as well, but most of it I failed to heed because I kept on allowing my ego to stay in charge. Ultimately, my pain became so great from being that way, that my willingness returned to be a student again. That was in April of 2012, and since then Manin has been my spiritual teacher who has helped guide me so much closer to not only myself, but also my Higher Power.
I’m fully convinced that the teacher does appear when the student is ready because I’ve seen it happen twice now in my life. My Higher Power guided both Lorraine and Manin into my life at the precise times when I was ready to be a student. The key though was that I had to become willing to do whatever it took to spiritually heal and grow, as that’s when my teachers have always appeared…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson