At just about every 12 Step recovery meeting I’ve ever attended, the importance of anonymity is usually emphasized by the chairperson when they read the words “Whom you see here, what you hear here, stays here.” But I believe there is another level of confidentiality in recovery that’s just as important as this, and it’s the one that comes with sponsorship.
Confidentiality is something that should never be taken lightly. Most of those who find their way into the 12 Step rooms often arrive completely broken with serious trust issues. I was once one of them and the first struggle I went through because of it was in trusting my sponsor.
While a sponsor is not meant to be a therapist nor in most cases do they even have the qualifications to be one, it is quite normal for a sponsee to discuss with them many deeply personal issues about their past or present. In fact, those personal issues can also frequently be things that a sponsee has never even shared with another individual. With that being said, there’s this unwritten contract of confidentiality that generally comes with being a sponsor. As the sponsee goes through the 12 Steps, little by little that trust in their sponsor will grow. And the more they place trust in their sponsor, the more they normally will end up sharing with them. And the more they normally end up sharing with their sponsor, the more they’re able to free themselves from the poison they’ve carried for so many years all on their own. But if a sponsor should ever break their trust and this unwritten contract of confidentiality, not only can it sever their working relationship, it can also seriously undermine the sponsee’s recovery as well. In some cases, it can even drive some of them to a relapse.
I was given a clear reminder to the importance of this confidentiality recently with one of the people I sponsor. There was something that was shared privately to me during one of my weekly step work meetings with this sponsee many months ago. It was a piece of information that I had urged this sponsee to share in a meeting as well after being told it, as I knew it would help them get more honest in their recovery. Eventually they did but I made the mistake recently in assuming it was something I could now openly discuss with a close friend of this sponsee. It wasn’t, as I learned that even though it had been openly shared with others, it ended up angering my sponsee so much to the point where they felt they couldn’t trust me anymore. Because of my action, this sponsee let me go as their sponsor. I ended up having to make a 10th Step amends to this sponsee because I clearly saw that I had made a judgment call in error. But the blessing in all of this came after that when the sponsee contacted me about a week later and accepted my amends and then decided I was still trustworthy enough to continue forward with me as their sponsor. I was extremely grateful to God for this lesson in confidentiality and being given the second chance.
So I learned even more through all of this that being a sponsor to someone else in recovery is a gift and not something to ever be taken lightly. While there are many highs and lows of sponsorship, one of the most treasured things in being one is watching a sponsee spiritually grow. But for that to happen, it is of the upmost importance to maintain an unwritten contract of confidentiality in every way. Breaking that on any level will only harm the sponsor/sponsee relationship and the sponsee’s ability to recover from their addiction. Upholding it though, can definitely forge a beautiful connection between two souls where God can truly work in amazing ways in the recovery for both…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
In such cases Andrew it isn’t just the sponsoree that spiritually grows! You also spiritualy grow, that is just as important to see and feel.
That’s very true as I’ve learned an incredible amount since I first began sponsoring people back in 2008!