Are you one who tends to forgive someone, but not forget? This is something I’ve been facing as of late with my former life in Massachusetts.
My home has been in Toledo, Ohio long enough now that my days of residing there in the surrounding suburbs of Boston seem quite far behind me. But there’s one thing from back there that still seems to keep haunting me and that’s the wreckage I once created there from my former addictions. Lately, that’s come by way of several people no longer wishing to be a regular part of my life that I once considered to be very close recovery friends. With each of them, I was told I was forgiven, but that they were having trouble forgetting.
In cases such as these, I’ve learned in 12 Step recovery programs there’s only one thing I can do and that’s to clear away my side of the street by making my amends. I spent the last two years I lived in Massachusetts doing just this, but as I’m discovering lately, that doesn’t always equate to those we hurt welcoming us back into their lives with open arms.
The fact is I was extremely selfish and self-centered for far too long when I lived in Massachusetts. I’m sure that’s why many of those there who once cared greatly about me, are having trouble forgetting all the negative things I did. Sometimes I start to take the inventory of these people and claim they’re not truly forgiving me. I know that’s not a sign of a healthy recovery program though because as I said already, I’m only meant to repair my side of the street.
Taking a look in the mirror, I must admit there have been many moments throughout my own life where I’ve told someone I forgave them for hurting me but remained resentful inside much longer. There also have been as many moments where I’ve forgiven someone 100% but wasn’t willing to subject myself to the possibility of being hurt again. So whatever the reason why many of my former friends in Massachusetts don’t want to be a regular part of my life anymore is really not what matters. What does matter is that I don’t repeat any of the selfish and self-centered behaviors that got me here in the first place.
Nevertheless, the loss of most of my friendships from Massachusetts is a harsh reminder of the many consequences this disease brings to every pore of our mind and body. Sadly, people often tend to believe that getting clean and sober from whatever their addiction was will miraculously make all their problems go away. Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case as it’s then when most of their problems actually begin to surface. That’s pretty evident to me now with what’s happened to those who I once spent quite a bit of time with back in the Boston vicinity.
It saddens me to think that I don’t have much to show in the way of a bunch of great friendships from my entire time lived in Massachusetts. But hopefully one day some of those I used to consider as very close to me may return. So regardless of whether they ever fully forgive me and forget or not, I know there’s only two things I can keep on doing. One, I must continue clearing away my side of the street and leave the rest in God’s hands. And two, I must remain completely clean and sober from all addictions by consistently practicing the 12 Steps, as only then will the true friendships I seek be able to manifest and last.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson