I used to be so full of ego-based pride due to the number of years I had been clean and sober from alcohol and drugs. But that all changed a couple of years ago when I almost picked them both back up again, and it was then I realized what I had heard quite often in many 12 Step meetings was actually true. It really doesn’t matter how many days any of us has free from alcohol and drugs (or any other substance of an addiction).
14 years was the exact amount of time I had under my belt clean and sober from alcohol and drugs when I found myself holding a Coors light bottle of beer in my hand and thought about drinking it. 15 years was the amount of time I had under my belt clean and sober from alcohol and drugs when I found myself considering whether to take some Percocet’s and magic mushrooms.
In each of those cases when they occurred, I had slid away from those simple things in recovery that worked hard to keep me clean and sober one day at a time. Going to meeting regularly, having a sponsor and reaching out to them with total honesty, helping newcomers, getting active in a home group, and connecting to my Higher Power were all those things I’m speaking of. I had assumed that my long years of sobriety were enough to keep me away from ever relapsing.
The slippery slope my ego led me on landed me in two different connections with people who were grossly unhealthy for my recovery and my spirituality. One was a chronic relapser with alcohol, while the other was that with drugs. In both cases, it was my sex conduct that led me into those connections and the more I spent time with either of them, the more I drew away from my life of recovery. And the more I drew away from my life of recovery, the more the number of days I had clean and sober ceased to matter.
I consider myself lucky that I never did drink that bottle of beer or take those drugs. Actually I take that back. I give that credit to my Higher Power because my will would have gone through with both. To prevent this from ever happening again, I no longer spend time around unhealthy individuals that are still actively engaging in any addiction because I know it will only steer me straight towards a relapse no matter how many days of sobriety I garner under my belt.
While I may have over 19 years of sobriety now from alcohol and drugs, what I really only have is today. Because regardless of how many years any of us have clean and sober, it’s that easy to slide right back into a relapse. Thus I choose to stay extremely active in my recovery nowadays. And ironically, if I don’t get my butt in gear, I’m going to be late for my home group. So if you can remember one thing, it’s this. All anyone has in recovery from any addiction is today.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson