Sometimes I really wish I could go back in time to June 10th, 1995, when I took my last drink and drug, and relive my life from that point forward. Because if I could, there is one thing I know I’d do different. I’d fully work on my recovery in AA by going through those 12 Steps being completely honest, open-minded and willing.
Unfortunately I didn’t have any of those qualities within me when I first got clean and sober. And in all actuality, most people don’t when they first seek recovery from their addiction. But sadly, my pride and ego scoffed at AA and those 12 Steps, which were precisely where I could have discovered each of those things. Instead, I had a better than attitude and walked away from something that took me another 16 years of misery to totally realize my mistake.
And it was definitely an egregious mistake…
I lost plenty of jobs, wasted incredible amounts of money, fell into a number of other addictions, and hurt far too many people who loved me unconditionally due to that dark path I chose. I also grew spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically sick because of that decision as well. The ONLY good thing that came out of those 16 years was all the research I did going down one dead-end road after another. Because it’s those roads that helped me to finally figure out the solution to all of my misery in life was what I had passed over in the summer of 1995.
Since finding AA and those 12 Steps and immersing myself 100% in them, I’ve become more selfless than selfish, more giving than taking, and more focused on helping others rather than myself. But the most important thing I’ve become is completely honest, open-minded, and willing to do whatever it takes to serve my Higher Power’s will and not my own. I just wish I hadn’t shaved 16 years off of my life to reach this point, but I did.
But maybe this was God’s plan from the beginning. Maybe I was meant to explore all those dark places to remind everyone at those podiums and at those meetings of the only solution that truly works. Because as far as I’m concerned, the only solution that has ever worked for me in achieving a life of recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction, and any other addiction for that matter is thoroughly living the 12 Steps every moment of my life.
So while I may not ever be able to go back in time to change my decision that avoided AA and the 12 Steps more than not for close to 16 years, I sure do plan on staying on this path now for the rest of my life one day at a time. Because I know in doing so, that I will remain completely honest, open-minded, and willing to live a life of recovery and spirituality, as they are the only two things that ever succeeded in bringing me out of the darkness and into the light.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson