There are plenty of people who probably wouldn’t agree with some of my sponsorship methods in 12 Step recoveries. But there is one in particular that seems to garner the most dissent and that’s the daily check in call I require of each of those I take through the steps. Ironically, I was once one of them that thought it was an unnecessary and cumbersome task, until I eventually saw how invaluable it was on my own path to recovery.
Before I ever started working on my recovery from a life of addictions though, I didn’t think much about recovering from anything. Life was pretty much about me and my selfish wants, needs, and desires, 24/7. When I met my first sponsor and was given the lowdown on her requirements for sponsorship, one of them was that I needed to call her every single day and check in. What that entailed was me letting her know how I was doing for the day, if I had made a meeting that day, and whether I had any pressing issues to discuss with her.
Initially I had no problems keeping to this specific requirement. In fact I rather enjoyed doing it because I used it to complain a lot during them about the drama still going on in my life at the time. But after six months or so had passed following her guidelines and sponsorship, my life had grown more stable, which is precisely when I began balking at the necessity of continuing to call her every single day.
She never batted an eye though anytime I was irritated with having to keep calling her each day. Her answer as to why it was still necessary was quite simple. She said if I couldn’t remember to at least take a few minutes out of each day to check in with her, then I most likely wasn’t thinking about my recovery at all that day.
She was right.
Soon after I reached the year mark working with her, she dropped that requirement to do the daily check-in call and left it in my court to reach out to her when I wanted. At first I kept it up for awhile but ultimately I started giving other people, places, and things much higher priorities in life than my recovery. The more I did that, the less I found myself wanting to do those daily check-in calls. And the less I found myself wanting to do those daily check-in calls, the more I returned to that life that was pretty much about me and my selfish needs, wants, and desires, 24/7. Years later I finally understood the true purpose of the daily check-in call was really just a benchmark for the state and health of my recovery. This is why I now utilize the same requirement for each of my own sponsees.
Sometimes I have a good chuckle when I see one of them walking in the same footsteps as I once did, getting resentful about having to call me each day. But time and time and time again, each time a sponsee starts missing days or tries to utilize text messages as a substitute for the daily check-in call, the only thing that’s really happening is their recovery is sliding backwards. Most who go this route just end up relapsing or becoming a dry addict on some level, which is exactly what I did.
So while there will most likely always be those who won’t agree with some of my sponsorship methods like this daily check-in call I require of a sponsee, I know my technique works. Why? Because practicing it has led not only me, but also many others, into a life with a much healthier recovery. Thank God I still have that, and thank God for each of my sponsees who discover that as well…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
Your sponsor’s words are exactly right. It’s about willingness, and the desire to do something other than one’s same-old-same-old. It’s also about building connections, commitments, and relationships – things folks in addiction have a great deal of difficulty doing.