I’m not worthless, not one bit, but I definitely woke up today feeling that way. I’m not sure why I actually did, but the fact of the matter is I did and whenever I feel that way it frankly stinks. And it’s because of me feeling that way this morning that I reached out to one of my sponsors in recovery hoping to get some much-needed reassurance. Except that’s not what I received. Instead, I was challenged to complete a homework assignment, which was to compose a list of all the things that show I’m not worthless. So here goes nothing…
I’m not worthless because:
- I have helped dozens of people find recovery from addictions to alcohol, drugs, sex, love, and even food.
- I have been able to maintain a spiritual blog and write hundreds of original motivation articles every single day now for over two years.
- I have written an entire young adult fantasy novel.
- I have stayed clean and sober from alcohol and drugs for over 19 years.
- I have stayed clean and sober from unhealthy sex, love, and codependent behaviors for almost 3 years.
- I have had several of my articles published in newspapers and magazines in the country.
- I learned how to meditate and in turn have taught it to many others.
- I learned the art of numerology and have done many readings for others.
- I joined the ManKind Project and have led many spiritually seeking individuals there where they were able to find more of that in life.
- I have led others to a path of self-healing by demonstrating it within my own life.
- I have guided others to find more peace, love, light, and joy in life solely through writing about my own life’s trials and tribulations and how I’ve overcome them.
- I have helped total strangers not feel alone and unloved by just being myself and offering them acts of my own love.
- I know how to cut my own hair and have even been able to do that for others as well.
- I know how to garden and landscape and make yards look beautiful that inspire others to do the same.
- I have helped many to feel freer in life by safely expressing their deep emotions and talking about their burdens they’ve carried alone for so long.
- I have spoken in front of countless numbers of people in countless numbers of places of recovery without fear and have been told quite often how much it’s helped another.
- I can use a computer quite well and have taught others how to use one too.
- I can connect complicated stereo equipment together, DJ rather well on vinyl turntables, and throw a successful party.
- I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Rochester Institute of Technology with a degree in Computer Information Systems and used that knowledge to write a major bank’s checking account system, to construct a web company’s site, and to remove many bugs out of many major corporations’ software.
- I was able to complete this homework assignment and not give up.
I’m sure there is more I could come up with, but I feel I’ve done this assignment the justice it deserves. And just so you all know, I believe the main reason why I’ve been feeling this worthless feeling every now and then as of late is completely due to my ego and it’s selfish wants and desires.
Sometimes I find myself comparing my journey in life to the famous people I see accepting awards on television, to the doctors I see helping people heal, to the individuals I see championing multi-million dollar businesses, and so on and so forth. But maybe none of that is what I’m supposed to do in this life. Maybe what I’m doing right now is exactly what God wants me to be doing. And maybe I don’t see how much good I’m really already doing in this life.
Regardless, I’m not worthless. Thankfully, I can see that a lot clearer now. And thankfully I have a sponsor who knew precisely what to say, and precisely what to assign me, to help me figure that out for myself. Because ultimately, no one and no thing can ever give me any sense of self-worth, only I can, and that must come from within…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
