Month: February 2015

The Mantra That’s Saved Me From Chasing Friendships

Have you ever felt like you were chasing after someone’s friendship? I know I have, too many times in fact, and unfortunately I allowed myself to go through it yet again just recently. But thankfully, the pain has finally become great enough to make sure it never happens again.

So what do I mean by chasing someone’s friendship? What does that look like when it‘s happening? These are two questions you may be asking yourself right now. I’ve been able to identify a bunch of the signs that indicate when this might be occurring, since I’ve obviously gone through it enough now. The following is a list of just some of them I’ve observed from my own behaviors, but I’m sure there are plenty more:

  • Phone calls never being returned.
  • Phone calls being returned days or even weeks later.
  • Conversations on the phone being mostly about them.
  • Getting little to no time in person with them.
  • Constantly hearing how busy their life is.
  • Getting their voicemail more than not.
  • Them not being willing to make plans for something down the road.
  • Them waiting until the last minute to solidify plans.
  • Other things coming up at the last minute that prevents them from keeping plans.
  • Rarely or never being invited to spend time at their home.
  • Rarely or never being invited to be a part of their plans.
  • Inviting them to something only to show up for a very brief amount of time.
  • Having them spend time with me as long as I’m paying.
  • Them having the money to hang out only when it’s something they want to do.

There is a simple reason why I’ve put up with these types of behaviors again and again and why I’ve ever chased after friendships in the first place. It’s truly about my lack of having them when growing up. Back then I had such a low self-esteem I just accepted what I got out of someone I thought was a friend, regardless of how little it actually was. In doing so, I was always treated poorly and deserved much better. While my life was once riddled with vast numbers of people who I allowed to do this to me, the occurrence of it has all but almost disappeared. I think that’s because I have a mantra (affirmation) that I’ve been saying each and every day now for years and it goes like this:

“I love and accept myself unconditionally, I deserve love and respect, and I accept nothing less.”

It’s because of this mantra and all my spiritual growth that I clearly see now I truly do deserve far better than what I was getting in any of those friendships I chased, including the one I regressed slightly with recently.

So the bottom line is this. Don’t chase after someone’s friendship because you really do deserve so much more than this. Try devoting that energy to someone else who’s willing to put forth a lot more effort, because in the long run you’ll be much happier. And in all honesty, believe in that age old adage when I say it’s their loss…not yours…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Springfield, Missouri’s Quest To Keep Gay Discrimination?

Sometimes I just don’t understand why people think the way they do? I say that only because a close friend of mine recently informed me of a discrimination issue brewing directly in his backyard in Springfield, Missouri.

It appears the issue began back in October when the city became the 14th community in the state to extend protections to gays, lesbians, and other sexual-identity minorities in the areas of employment, housing, and accommodations. It was added to the city’s already existing nondiscrimination clause that includes race, religion, and disability. While that seems like such a great achievement and a huge step forward in overall equality, the Assembly of God and Springfield Citizens United openly denounced the legislation once it passed. Since then, they have also been able to garner enough signatures from the surrounding community to bring it to the next ballot for a public vote.

I’m sure you’re probably wondering what the driving force is for them to want to overturn this new legislation. It’s actually pretty simple in that they believe it now forces everyone in Springfield with deeply held religious beliefs to have to go against them. For example, it would require a deeply conservative Christian owner of an apartment complex who believes homosexuality is against the word of God, to have to accept a gay couple seeking housing. But if the legislation were overturned, it would end up protecting that owner by allowing him to deny housing to that gay couple.

While I find this deeply disturbing to my very core, I did have a good laugh after reading one citizen’s comment on a Springfield news article that reported on this story. It said the title of that article should have been “Religious bigots vow to repeal law so they can continue to legally discriminate.” And although I found their comment amusing, there is definitely a sad truth to it.

Our country has gone through this very thing so many times before, you would think we’d finally all have spiritually woken up to the travesty of denying rights to our fellow human beings. Women, people of color, people of non-Christian based religions, and disabled people have all fought for equal rights over time, having been denied things they never should have been in the first place.

The more I thought about this growing issue in Springfield, the more I wondered if the opposition to the new legislation would support denying equal rights for employment, housing, and accommodation to a woman, a non-white person, or someone in a wheelchair? Probably not, but that’s only because the main argument they’re using is how homosexuality goes against the word of God.

Frankly, I’m so tired of this issue. I’m so tired of the Bible being used as a weapon to support discrimination. I’m so tired of people speaking on behalf of God or Jesus and stating what they do or do not support. As far as I’m concerned, they both represent but one thing, unconditional love.

So for all those people out there that support the Assembly of God or Springfield Citizens United in their quest to overturn this anti-discrimination legislation, please take some time in serious prayer and meditation to ponder one final question. Would God or Jesus, if they were truly filled with nothing but unconditional love, really deny a man or woman a job, housing, or accommodations solely because of their sexual orientation. To me the answer is pretty clear. I just hope the rest of the world will one day see that for themselves as well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

A Different Kind of Valentine’s Day Love

Most people tend to think of Valentine’s Day as a day to show love to one’s significant other. But honestly, why can’t this day be more about showing that to everyone? Why can’t Valentine’s Day become a national day to show unconditional love to each other? It could, but it might take a shift in our perception of what love actually is.

Love isn’t just about kissing and making out.
Love isn’t just about having sex and making love.
Love isn’t just about holding hands and longingly gazing into each other’s eyes.

Each of those is an act of romantic love and usually the kind shared in a marriage, a partnership, or between two people dating each other.

But what about the love for everyone else who lives on this planet?

What about the love for someone who’s crying by offering them a hug?
What about the love for someone who’s begging for food by donating some to them?
What about the love for someone who needs a ride somewhere by offering them one?
What about the love for someone who just wants to be listened to by doing just that?
What about the love for someone who feels worthless by paying them a compliment?
What about the love for someone who’s feeling unloved by saying you love them?
What about the love for someone who’s unable to open a door by you doing it for them?
What about the love for someone who’s lonely by calling them or paying them a visit?

There are just some of the many ways we can all show each other love, even if we aren’t in intimate relationships with each other.

So maybe you might you might want to try something different this Valentine’s Day by showing some love to a person who’s not your special someone or significant other. Because in all reality, I think you would agree that we all are worthy and deserving of acts of unconditional love…

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson