I heard a word in an AA meeting I attended recently that I can honestly say I’ve never heard before. The word was “soberish” and the person who spoke it said he had been that way for the past few months having had several periods of sobriety here and there. For the majority of the meeting after he shared, everyone who raised their hand to also share spoke of their own journey to sobriety and the “soberish” life they might have had getting there. I wasn’t one of them though, as I never had any real moments of sobriety in the last year of my drinking and drugging days. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t lived a “soberish” life before because I have, except mine was during my first sixteen years of sobriety.
If I was to define what I think being “soberish” means, I feel it could be simply put that one is not quite being fully sober in life. And that was absolutely true for me during those first sixteen years, but not because I ever picked up alcohol and drugs again. It was because I kept choosing other things in life for ease and comfort anytime difficult things came my way. This is how I became addicted to sex and relationships, it’s how I became codependent, it’s how I fell into gambling problems, it’s how I began consuming far too much caffeine and sweets, and so on and so forth.
But ultimately, how one defines being sober is really going to be different for everybody. I used to think it meant just remaining free of alcohol and drugs. But I found myself living this “soberish” life as long as I kept that attitude. Most of my character defects and negative traits still stuck around because of it. And I couldn’t seem to ever escape falling into other addictions. It wasn’t until I began applying the 12 Steps to my entire life did any of this begin to change.
Today, I can safely say I’m not living that “soberish” life anymore, as I’m definitely not seeking any ease and comfort on a regular basis through some other unhealthy means. Instead, I’m walking through all of my challenges in life by seeking my Higher Power for the strength and guidance. It’s tough sometimes, because my ego often tries to convince me there’s no harm in going back to some of that “soberish” life. But for me there was harm in that and always will be because for all the moments I lived that way, I never found any long-lasting peace and serenity. This is why I’m extremely grateful I’m not living that way anymore. And thankfully, I know I’m doing my absolute best these days to trust in my Higher Power to get me through whatever may come my direction, instead of choosing some other “soberish” way…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
I like the term “soberish” when you first mentioned it to me. The term that I had always heard was “The Kindling Club” – so “dry” as to be a fire hazard…. either way, it’s not a pretty place to be.