Month: September 2018

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday where I begin my week with a piece of gratitude to start things off on a positive note, which for today is for all those who have shown me compassion and unconditional love through all this pain and suffering I’ve been going through.

Over the past bunch of years, while I’ve seen many drift out of my life as my pain and suffering has gone on for way longer than I ever thought it would, some have remained by my side and offered me their own unique forms of compassion and unconditional love on a regular basis, which has truly helped me to keep going.

I have such an immense amount of gratitude for each of them, especially because none of them ever resort to offering me suggestions on what they think I should do. Offering me advice isn’t the compassion and unconditional love I’m speaking of. Rather, it’s more about the many acts of holding space that these individuals have done for me.

To explain, let me reference the story of Job in the Bible. There, when Job’s three closest friends show up and saw how great his suffering was, they tore their clothes and spend the next seven days in silence, mourning and praying by his side. Putting aside the tearing of their clothes, the act of sitting there in silence and simply mourning and praying is one example of holding space. It’s about just being present and allowing the person who’s suffering, to feel supported and not judged. Sadly though, as Job’s affliction wore on, his three friends moved away from holding space and instead began to resort to criticizing him, giving him advice, and telling him what they thought the problem was, which only made Job’s suffering greater.

I’ve experienced many of those types of people throughout the years that I’ve endured this pain and suffering and none of it has ever helped. But, it’s those who have done the exact opposite, who haven’t offered me anything except small tokens of compassion and unconditional love like just listening to my grief and allowing me to cry profusely, that I’m ultimately grateful for.

I’ve come to see that many of those who do offer those small tokens of compassion and unconditional love and know how to hold space are usually individuals who have gone through long periods of suffering themselves. Yet, it’s those who haven’t suffered much in life and haven’t gone through long periods of pain either, that tend to offer me unsolicited advice and can’t be bothered with me in the long run.

That’s why today I’m dedicating this Grateful Heart Monday entry to all those who have prayed for me, sent me encouraging poems and uplifting quotes, given me cards and small gifts, embraced me tightly, held my hand, given me a reassuring touch, taken me out for a meal or coffee and just listened to me talk about my pain, or found other unique ways to uplift me even through all my despair. As it’s through all those acts of compassion and unconditional love where you have held space for me and that alone has brought me plenty of gratitude and enough to keep going for another day…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” (Wayne Dyer)

Quote #2

“The day you stop blaming others is the day you begin to discover who you truly are…” (Unknown)

Quote #3

“When you think everything is someone else’s fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.” (Unknown)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Misbelief Of Needing Your Partner To Change “That One Thing” For All To Be Well…

You know what’s often a common misbelief in a committed relationship for at least one partner? That if only their other half would just change “that one thing” about themselves, that all would be well. But, you know what? The problem isn’t with their other half at all, it’s with themselves.

I should know, as I used to jump from relationship to relationship to relationship because of constantly buying into that misbelief. Truth be told, a psychic once told someone I used to date and am now close friends with, that I was like that person who enjoys trying on a different pair of shoes on a regular basis, which up until six years ago, was totally spot on.

Every time I ever faced something in a relationship that really bothered me with the person I was dating, I’d try to control the situation by constantly pushing for them to change that aspect about themselves I didn’t like. I was always 100% convinced that if they just fixed “that one thing” I didn’t like, that our relationship would be golden. But, even if they did end up changing that aspect of themselves that bothered me, another one would always pop up just behind it. And if they didn’t change it? Well, I’d simply end up facing the same situation at some point down the road with someone else I left them for.

The fact is, the problem was never with any of the people I dated whatsoever, it was with me. Rather, it was within me. To be even more specific, it was in relation to a spiritual imbalance going on within me that I was totally unaware of. And because I was totally unaware of that spiritual imbalance, I frequently found myself getting angry at those I was dating, over some aspect of themselves that I generally projected as the source of all my pain and discomfort.

Regrettably, for as much as I thought I fully rectified this part of myself a number of years ago, I’ve seen it coming back to life again over the past year or so, during a period where I’ve struggled to feel the presence, grace, and comfort of God. Now, I find myself doing the same behavior all over again that I used to do in each of my previous relationships. That being me growing irritated at my partner over one or more aspects of himself that my ego keeps attempting to convince me is the source of all my agony in life. Yet I know it’s not.

I know the source of all my agony isn’t because my partner struggles to show non-sexual forms of intimacy, i.e. cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc.

I also know the source of all my agony isn’t because my partner struggles lately to see the positive more than the negative.

And I know the source of all my agony isn’t due to my partner’s struggles with his weight issues either.

The reality is that he could fix each of these things and my ego would still find something else to point out as the problem, because the last thing it wants to admit is the problem is actually me.

But don’t get me wrong, I’d love to see my partner still change these aspects of himself one day, as I’m sure anyone probably would if their other half was struggling with them. Yet regardless of whether he ever does or doesn’t, he’s still a pretty amazing guy with a pretty amazing heart of gold and someone who isn’t ultimately the source of all that emptiness and loneliness I feel within.

I know the source of that is God, or rather, the lack of me feeling God’s presence no matter what I try to do to feel it. So, as I continue to sit in all this emptiness and loneliness, I have to battle my ego every day by doing my best to offer unconditional love and light to my partner, no matter what it tries to convince me of. Unfortunately, I’ve failed many times over with this, especially in the past year or so, where I’ve often gotten caught up in arguments over one or all of these aspects of himself that my ego is bothered by. Thankfully though, I continue to find my way back to the truth again and again by continuing to remind myself of something I already learned many years ago. That being that the solution to all my pain and discomfort isn’t in my partner changing anything about himself at all, nor is it in me leaving this relationship to find someone else to be with.

Rather, the solution is to keep working on myself, on ridding myself of ego and unwanted character defects, and maintaining a level of trust and faith that God hasn’t left me, even if I can’t feel Him right now. I find that the more I stick to this, the more I see my partner through eyes of unconditional love and light, and the less I see him through eyes that buy into the misbelief that he needs to change “that one thing” or anything for that matter for all to be well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson