Month: January 2019

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!” Pointing to the sky, he continues, “God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth.” The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!” The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, “And look at this! Here’s another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune.” The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest. The priest, baffled, asks, “Aren’t you having any, Rabbi?” The rabbi replies, “Nah… I think I’ll wait for the police.”

Silly Joke #2

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are all these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the cop.”I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.” “Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it!” The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully. A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m sure glad I quit drinking! Look at the test they’re giving now!”

Silly Joke #3

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old babe dressed in a skimpy outfit and a pair of Nike running shoes with a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, ‘If you can catch me, you can have me.’ Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20-pound program. The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing an even skimpier outfit, Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, ‘If you catch me you can have me’. Well, he’s out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So, for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50-pound program. ‘Are you sure?’ asks the representative on the phone… ‘This is our most rigorous program.’ ‘Absolutely,’ he replies, ‘I haven’t felt this good in years.’ The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing the tightest, smaller shorts he had ever seen, brightly colored running shoes, and a sign around his neck that reads, ‘If I catch you, you’re all mine.’ Wouldn’t you know he lost 63 pounds that week!

Bonus Silly Joke

A guy enters a bar and orders two shots of vodka. He drinks the first and dumps the second on his right hand.He then orders a second round of shots, drinks the first and again dumps the second on his right hand. The bartender sees this and becomes curious as the guy orders a third round and does the exact same thing. So the bartender asks the guy, “Hey man, I hope you don’t mind me asking but why the waste of good drinks?” So the man says, “I have to get my date drunk…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Addiction is a family disease. One person may use, but the whole family suffers.” (Shelly Lewis)

Quote #2

“Loving an addict is a very lonely place to be. You continue to care about them while they prove more and more how little they care for you and how much more their addiction truly means to them. Eventually you have to save yourself and walk away, leaving them to deal with their own poison alone.” (Unknown)

Quote #3

“My child has no idea how hard it is for me to constantly wage war against an invisible enemy – a disease – in what feels like a war against him. He has no idea the toll it takes, hating the addict and loving the son.” (Sandy Swenson)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“Ben Is Back”, Another Heart-Aching, Yet Very Realistic Movie About Drug Addiction

I caught a film back in November titled “Beautiful Boy” that was about the sad demise of a teenage drug addict and the agony his father went through attempting to save his kid from a deadly addiction. Now, two months later, another film has been released, “Ben Is Back”, that is quite similar in subject but deals with an extremely distraught mother instead.

Starring Julia Roberts as Holly Burns, the movie revolves around the sudden return on Christmas Eve of her teenage boy Ben (Lucas Hedges) from a 77-day stint at sober living. While “Beautiful Boy” chronicles a far greater time period and shows a kid’s slow descent into drug addiction, “Ben Is Back” covers only a 24-hour period, yet it feels like it covers an eternity, especially when viewed from Holly’s perspective. It’s obvious the whole family is on edge when Ben abruptly returns, all except for his youngest niece and nephew who couldn’t be gladder he was back. His sister Ivy (Kathryn Newton) on the other hand seems quite upset about him being there, as does his stepfather Neal (Courtney B. Vance). While we aren’t shown the exact reasons why, it’s made overly apparent that Ben has ruined each of the prior Christmas’s because of his drug addiction and that no one trusts him. After Neal agrees Ben can stay for a day to share the holiday with his family, Holly sets down some serious ground rules that Ben must abide by, of which he agrees. While Ben does his best to proclaim how much healthier he is and how he doesn’t ever want to go back to drugs, it doesn’t take very long for the temptations of it to return. As Holly desperately tries to keep it together and cling to control of her son from relapsing, the plight of her teenage drug addict son quickly becomes all too real once again.

Because I was closer to my mother and sister, rather than my father, I related far more to “Ben Is Back” than “Beautiful Boy”. During my addiction-laden years, I saw the very same sadness and trust issues that my addictions caused in them. My mother never did get to see me as a fully sober individual, but thankfully my sister has and years later, we’ve been able to mend our relationship and grown much closer.

Nevertheless, “Ben Is Back” moved me incredibly and reminded me once again of all those addictive periods in my life where I too made promises just like Ben but never kept to them, where I said all the right things, yet still tore the curtains down, and where I had such potential but never quite reached it. That’s why it was utterly heart-wrenching for me to watch Holly try to control her son’s disease. Like “Beautiful Boy” demonstrated just as well, there is no controlling ANYONE’S addiction. Parents, family members, and other loved ones often try anyway though and in turn, shell out huge amounts of time, energy, and money in an attempt to rid the disease from the person they love.

IT NEVER WORKS.

No matter what the addiction is, the only person who can end it is the addict themselves. They must find the desire from deep within to be rid of it and that tends to usually come by connecting to a Higher Power in one of their bleakest moments. No matter how many attempts my mother or sister, or anyone else for that matter, made to help free me from any of my addictions, I kept falling back into them time after time. It wasn’t until I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired from my addictions did I ever make the change. It wasn’t until I had lost pretty much everything that meant something to me did I ever make the change. Thankfully, both “Beautiful Boy” and “Ben Is Back” portrayed that reality oh so well.

Sadly, Ben Is Back doesn’t get into the 12-Step programs out there that support people like Holly, Ivy, or Neal, people who have become seriously codependent and addicted in their own way with their constant attempts to remove a loved one’s addiction. CODA, Al-Anon, ACA, and a number of others all exist for this reason. Hopefully, if you’re someone who’s struggling with an addict that you love dearly, you’ll consider checking out one of these programs and also watch both “Beautiful Boy” and “Ben Is Back”, as doing so, you’ll get the truest picture of what your reality really is with any addict.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson