Month: April 2019

Should I Tell My Neighbor That I’m ………?

I have an elderly neighbor who lives a few streets away, that I see from time to time on my one-mile walks that I take occasionally whenever I’m feeling up to it. Over the past few years, I’ve gotten to know him pretty well, as he tends to always be sitting on his porch either reading or smoking a cigar whenever I pass on by his home. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about him over time, it’s how deep his belief in Christ is and how much he places his faith in the Bible being the absolute word and truth of God.

For the most part, I’ve truly enjoyed each of our conversations and from what he told me just recently, so has he. He even went so far as to say how much it’s been positively affecting his life and helping him to see God in new and different ways. Why I say “for the most part” though, is because of his stance on one subject and that’s homosexuality. While we haven’t talked more than a couple times about it, I’ve come to learn how strongly he believes homosexuality is a sin, like so many others who believe what the Bible says is 100% the truth.

Knowing someone who feels this way is nothing new to my life, as I know of plenty of people who feel as he does about homosexuality. The challenge I have with this man though is that he has no idea that I’m gay and thinks I’m actually in a relationship with a woman. Because of that, every time I talk to him, I feel like I’m living a lie and have begun to wonder if God wants me to tell him the truth.

I’ve faced this situation so many times in my life, with people who were benefiting from the insight I had from my own spiritual journey with God, people who were feeling blessed by the spiritual connections I made with them. That is, until I would tell them I was gay, which would most frequently lead to me getting either Biblically lectured or them rapidly disappearing from my life or both.

Honestly, it makes me sad that I’m afraid to be 100% truthful with this man. Because I’m pretty sure if I am, he’ll no longer be receptive to anything I have to say about spirituality and faith from that point forward. I have a pretty good idea how he’ll actually react because he told me how one his family members confronted him on this very subject and they no longer speak to each other. He also has claimed that he is very close-minded when it comes to a few hot topics such as homosexuality. I know there is no real reason why I need to tell this man that he’s talking to a gay individual. Yet, at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m being my true self with him either.

Truthfully, it sucks I live in a world where Paul’s words from the New Testament are interpreted today as sexuality immorality means homosexuality is a sin. It sucks that Jesus never spoke on this subject in the Bible ever. It sucks that most people disregard all the crazy laws of the Old Testament, except for the ones that talk about sexual immorality. And it royally sucks that friendships and families are regularly becoming divided these days, all because of some guy trying to love another guy or some girl trying to love another girl.

Nevertheless, I’m pretty sure that if I tell my neighbor that I’m gay, that positive feeling he’s been having with our conversations will quickly evaporate and any good I’ve been doing to help him to see greater Light through my own spiritual journey will suddenly be erased. That’s the sad state of homosexuality and Christianity nowadays. Two words that even in 2019 are still such strong antonyms to each other.

Regardless, Christ says to love my neighbor as myself, and for that, even knowing my staunch Christian neighbor’s beliefs, I continue to practice unconditionally loving this individual, which somehow continues to help him on his own spiritual journey. Why God is using me, a gay male, to slightly expand a very reserved Christian’s beliefs I don’t know, but I often wonder if a day will come when my neighbor actually asks me about my own personal beliefs with homosexuality.

Should I tell him I’m gay?

Or do I simply state my deepest belief that whomever one loves, that God asks us to do it with all our heart, mind, and soul and that everything else on the subject doesn’t matter.

I don’t know what I’ll say if that was to happen, but for now, I just wanted to share what it’s like being gay in a very Christian world, that still has yet to see someone like me as a loving child of God and not a sinner…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question To Ponder For The Day

In honor of yesterday’s Grateful Heart Monday that talked about the CW show, Supernatural, finally coming to an end next year after 15 long seasons, today’s question is reserved for those who are fans of the show. What episode stands out the most over all the seasons, that moved you the greatest (or that you simply liked the best)?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to this week’s Grateful Heart Monday, my time to reflect on an important piece of gratitude from my life, which for today is for something that may seem a little odd to be thankful for, that being the long-running television show named Supernatural.

When Supernatural began in September of 2005, I was seriously grieving the loss of my mother, who had just passed away earlier that year in a very tragic way. At that point in my life, I felt the world was filled with nothing but darkness and wished somehow, I could eliminate all of it. Enter Sam and Dean Winchester (played by Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles) in a brand-new series on the former WB network (now the CW), two brothers raised in a family to fight off all of the evil in the world on a daily basis. Created by Eric Kripke, the show has lasted currently for 14 seasons and was just announced will officially end next year with its 15th season.

After catching wind that this show was finally coming to an end, I found myself feeling quite sad, which is something to be said, given it is a television show after all. While I’ve seen countless series on television come and go over the years and experienced frustration anytime good ones came to an abrupt halt or a formative conclusion, my reaction towards the news that Supernatural was ending was far different.

This show not only comforted me somehow when I was moving through the grieving process of my mother’s death, it also helped to positively distract me through the break-up of my last long-term relationship, the loss of the bed and breakfast I once owned, the financial failure I faced after that, then the decline of my health, and even my move to a brand new city in another part of the country where I felt more alone than not.

Sitting with Sam and Dean on whatever night the show aired over the past fourteen years is probably the only thing that I can say consistently brought a smile to my face, many laughs, comfort, and even tears. The chemistry between Jared and Jensen could easily be felt every time an episode came on. When the show finally introduced angels (like Castiel played by Misha Collins) and God (played by Rob Benedict) as well, my heart moved on many an episode and even, if you can believe it, led me to tear-soaked prayers at times, especially when I felt the presence of my own Higher Power pouring through.

I know that may seem quite ridiculous to some, that a television show could do that, but as I’ve always been a proponent of, I think God can manifest in many ways, even through something like Supernatural. And trust me when I say that I went through long periods in the past 14 years where I could hardly cry, let alone feel my heart on any level, yet Supernatural proved often to be the very cure for that.

While many might say the show jumped the shark long ago and should have ended many seasons back, I’m absolutely thankful it didn’t, because Supernatural has been a friend for many years. One that never left my side. One that connected to my soul more than not. And one that I could rely on improving my mood anytime it ever came on.

Was that because of the chemistry of all the actors and actresses? Was it because of the writing? Or was it because of the good versus evil storyline that played over the years? Honestly, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that Supernatural was a trusted uplifter in my life through many-a-dark times, from great losses to heavy addictions, and is most definitely a show I’ll miss and always be grateful for…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson