It’s so easy to grow up, put our “big pants” on, and forget about that little kid in us. But deep down in each and every one of us is a little boy or little girl still longing to have fun, even as we become adults. Yet, too often we end up neglecting that part of us as adults and ignore any of those urges to be a kid again, even for a few moments. I’ve come to learn in my life how crucial it is to not ignore those inner urges anymore and to let my kid out on a regular basis, because when I don’t, I tend to find myself becoming totally sad and depressed.
I’ve seen this same type of depression in a number of people in recovery from addiction I’ve worked with, each having mostly neglected their inner child for most of their adulthood. How I learn this is by having them do a homework exercise of coming up with a list of things they liked to do as a kid and to identify the last time they actually did any one of them. Most haven’t done a single one of them in many, many years.
When I realized this for myself, it was a game changer. It’s when I saw that there was the big me, adult Andrew, the guy who calls the day to day shots in life, and then there was the 8-year-old me, little Andy, the kid who still longed to play and do kid stuff. I hadn’t honored that part of me in so long and it was the very thing making me quite sad on a daily basis.
In light of that, people tend to ask how to figure out what their kid wants. Well, I began that process by first identifying what my kid didn’t want. Things like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, gambling, and the like that big Andrew got addicted to that caused little Andy to get neglected. Once I eliminated all those unhealthy addictions and stopped living in them, I began to remember the many things I liked as a kid.
Things like mini-golf. For those who know me, I probably play close to a hundred games of it every single summer nowadays. I’ll even take day trips to play courses in towns in the middle of nowhere or in cities a few hours away too and I always seem to feel better after doing it. Or things like eating ice cream and chocolate. My little kid loves both. Just a few weeks ago in fact, I felt my little kid nudge me with that urge and so I abruptly went to Cold Stone close to 10pm and got myself a treat. And you know what? I felt really good afterward. Not from the sugar itself, but from listening to that little kid in me.
The bottom line is that I’ve found it so important to keep a healthy relationship to my inner child. Whether it’s exploring a new game of mini-golf, gorging on some ice cream or chocolate, going to the movies, taking hikes, pulling out some of my board games, playing cards, working on puzzles, coloring, or even just making silly faces, noises, or goofing around like I did as a kid, each I’ve found to be uplifting, sometimes even pulling me straight out of sadness and depression.
So, if you should ever find yourself being regularly depressed, may I ask you to consider the last time you allowed your inner child, your little kid, to come out? When’s the last time you let him or her have some fun? Fun that your 8-year-old self would have had. If you can’t remember, then maybe it’s time to finally reconnect to that part of yourself. Who knows, it may end up being exactly what you need to improve your mood and your life…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
Andrew, Many thanks for your 12th Step Blog “Are you in touch with the little kid within you. I identified with all your heartfelt words. I always love to receive your weekly blogs. You have a way of putting into words what I have felt since childhood. I am proud to say I am a recovering alcoholic – on 15 Sept 2020 I will be celebrating 34 years recovery in our fantastic Fellowship “Alcoholics Anonymous”. I can always identify with you. I had a horrible childhood growing up in what a judge called “An unusually dysfunctional home” with a violent drunken stepfather. I lost a son to adoption when I was 19 years old because I had no help and never told my stepfather until I spoke at the Hartford Court when my mother finally divorced my stepfather. He claimed there was NO domestic violence and my stepfather’s son agreed saying “Oh no, there was no domestic violence. It was constructive criticism.” I heard the first day was like a scene from Psycho – the judge ordered everyone out of the courtroom except my mother and stepfather. The next day the Windsor Locks Police came with 45 years of records and I testified. My stepfather learned for the first time I lost a son to adoption because I said it would have ignited the violence and I wanted my baby to grow up in a good home, educated and have the life I could not give him at that time. It’s been a long journey for me working on my recovery. I searched for over 20 years to find my son and am thrilled to say we were reunited. Michael had the life I was promised and he was loved by his adopted parents. We have a wonderful relationship and Michael calls me “Mom”. His 97 year old mother is still alive and has always been called “Mother”. Michael has met his entire birth family and really loved my mother, his grandmother. I could go on and on but I noted above I may be shut out by session timeout. I want to thank you so much for your weekly blogs and please accept me at your Facebook website. My request was sent earlier.
Again, thank you Andrew.
Hugs, Barbara
Barbara, first off, thank you so much BFF or sharing so openly a deep part of your life with not just me but the world truly with your comments today.
Second, congrats on 34 years, that is amazing and I’m so very thankful and proud of you for your achievement!
And third, I’m so glad to hear that your son is in your life today. That truly must be a blessing and one that brings you much love and joy!
Thank you again for such beautiful comments and for following along on my spiritual journey. ❤️