Month: September 2020

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Enabling is helping, assisting, supporting, or bailing someone out, in order they may avoid the natural (and perhaps unpleasant) consequences of their actions. Why we do it? Guilt, fear, control (but we call it love). Why we stop? We begin noticing our own pain and cyclic insanity as a natural consequence of our enabling, and it grows larger than the “why we did it” in the first place.” (Unknown)

Quote #2

“If the addict is pleased with your help you’re probably enabling. If the addict is pissed as hell you’re probably helping the person you love.” (Sandy Swenson)

Quote #3

“Any time you assist or allow another person to continue in their unproductive/unhealthy behavior whether actively or passively, you are enabling.” (Stanley Binion)

Bonus Quote

“To love an addict, one must have a heart forced from the strongest steel because along the way your heart will become the addicts toy. One must be keen on observation, as the addict will manipulate you given the opportunity. Stop enabling, as that’s the purest love you can give an addict and yourself.” (Judy White)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

No More Enabling Another’s Addiction!

I’ve fallen into enabling people with addictions for much of my life starting with my mother. You may be wondering what that means. Put quite simply, it means helping another acquire something they’re addicted to, that’s not healthy for them.

Long after I stopped consuming alcohol, taking drugs, and smoking cigarettes, I was still helping people who were addicted to those things to acquire them, whether that was by means of me buying it directly out of my pocket for them, driving them to get it, loaning them the money to get it, or taking money from them to go get it. Doing any was extremely unhealthy for me, as it was for them. Helping another to further engage in the substance of their addiction, knowing it is only going to hurt them even more, is toxic on every level.

Recently, I was on a retreat and was going out on a coffee run with another friend who was driving when I was asked by a fellow retreatant, whom I also consider to be a good friend, to pick up a pack of cigarettes for them while out on that run. They were going to give me the money for it, yet I refused to do it. The result? They weren’t very happy with me and proceeded to give me guilt trips, suggesting that I was going out to feed my Starbucks addiction, so why couldn’t I help them with their vice.

So why couldn’t I? The reality is I could have. I could have taken my friend’s money and bought him another pack of cigarettes. But, I also had just sat next to him in his hospital bed several months prior where his state of health was in dire straits and honestly still is. With kidneys not functioning correctly, some of the advice given was to stop smoking and to stop consuming energy drinks, as both were only going to make his health worse.

So, why the heck would I even consider taking my friend’s money to get something that is only going to lead to continued health problems for him. In my past, I would have done it, just to make them temporarily happy and not mad at me. It was always essentially me people-pleasing, especially more so if I was attracted to the person. But, if I truly care about him from my heart and soul like I do, there is no hell in high water, on any planet, anywhere in this universe where I would want to help him acquire another cigarette or energy drink because it’s only going to lead to greater health problems and possibly even death down the road.

I really do care about this friend, like I do other friends who have serious addictions as well, where each I’ve at times had to set a boundary and not help them further engage in their addictions. I am setting healthy boundaries today which includes preventing myself from people-pleasing addicts into remaining addicts.

Sometimes unconditional love hurts, as it did in this case when my friend deemed my actions unloving, when indeed if he could have stepped out of his frustration and withdrawal from his heavy smoking habit, he would have seen a caring friend and brother in God’s love simply trying to help him remain a little longer on this planet by not taking another breath of poison into his body.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A man was in a terrible accident, and his ‘manhood’ was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn’t cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for ‘small’, $6,500 for ‘medium’, and $14,000 for ‘large’. The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. ‘What’s wrong, did you and your wife discuss the procedure?’ asked the doctor. ‘Doc, we did talk about it, but she said she’d rather remodel our kitchen!’, said the man gloomily.

Silly Joke #2

A woman in her 30’s was taking her mother, who was in her 50’s, to the gynecologist. After dropping her mother off, she and her 7-year old daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor. While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups, the doctor remarked, “Don’t we look pretty today”, as he performed his examination. The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing. When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset and remained silent until they got back to her daughter’s home. Then the following conversation ensued:
Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me? He said, “Don’t we look pretty today”, while he was looking between my legs! Do you think that was appropriate?
Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn’t referring to your hairstyle or something?
Mother: Well, it still wasn’t appropriate or professional. I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment. What do you think?
Daughter: I don’t know. We’re you embarrassed?
Mother: I was very embarrassed. I used some of your FDS this morning, and he may have smelled that, but I still don’t think he should have commented!
Daughter: I don’t have any FDS.
Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was on back of the toilet. I used some before the appointment…
Granddaughter: Oh Grammy, that’s my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!!!

Silly Joke #3

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crab. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. She was annoyed by his behavior. Shortly before landing in New York , she decided to teach the guy a lesson and announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, ‘Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?’ Not one hand went up..nor did the man come claim them at that point, so feeling satisfied, she took them home and ate them herself. Men just never learn!

Bonus Silly Jokes (I found three more today that were so corny, I just couldn’t resist myself!)

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro east on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, “Hey, sarge, why did you stop?!” The sarge replied, “Well, he’s in Georgia now and they’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never be able to catch him.”

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest. Looking at them, the wife said to her husband “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game!” Husband said, “Honey, I think you should watch them. You already know how to play volleyball…”

An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted an attractive young lady. He asked a nearby trainer, “What machine could I use to really impress that pretty little lady over there?” The trainer looked him up and down and said, “I think I would try the ATM in the lobby if I were you.”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson