Month: December 2020

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another chapter of Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude continues to be the only focus of my writing, which for today is for all the 12 Step sponsors out there who freely have given their time to help in another person’s recovery from addiction.

I can’t stress enough how much sponsorship has saved my own life thus far. From my very first sponsor, Lorraine, to my present sponsor, Jackie, and all those in between, I’ve learned so much valuable instruction and priceless life lessons to help me remain clean and sober from a number of addictions.

Having a sponsor is so important to the 12 Step path of recovery from addiction. I went many years without one to realize this, bouncing one idea after another, tons of issues, and all sorts of craziness off of myself, taking advice from my own ego, the results of which were often disastrous.

When Lorraine taught me the steps and guided me through the entire process long ago, there were plenty of times I wanted to give up. But, she was such a great sponsor who always knew the right things to say to help keep me going. She was the loving mother I never had for much of our time together. And with every subsequent sponsor I had after she passed, I gained new insight and precious guidance into my sobriety and my spiritual journey.

Many who have been sober for long periods of time will tell you the great gift that comes with sponsorship of another. For as much as there is often heartache in sponsoring another, there are also countless triumphs and celebrations to be had all while watching the growth of a sponsee. What’s involved in sponsorship is simply having a giving heart and the donating of one’s time all for the sake to help another learn how to remain clean and sober.

Presently, I meet with my current sponsor Jackie once a week for both an hour AA meeting and a lunch afterwards and I truly treasure every one of those moments I have with her. As it’s in those moments where I not only feel the love and fellowship of 12 Step recovery, but also learn a lot more about how to navigate through the murky waters of life as a recovering addict.

As I mentioned, sponsoring others isn’t always easy and I most certainly know of the pain and hardship I’ve caused plenty who’ve sponsored me over the years, just as much as I’ve known of the same that’s happened with individuals who’ve dedicated countless hours of their free time towards being a sponsor to another. It can often be a thankless job, but in the end, I tend to believe that 12 Step recovery continues to grow year after year around the world, solely because of those who continue to put time aside week after week via phone calls, meetings, and more, to be a sponsor to another in recovery from addiction.

That’s why today’s Grateful Heart Monday is solely dedicated to Lorraine, Brian, Karin, Lisa, Lionel, Lou, Carl, Anthony, Fran, Jackie, and everyone else out there in the 12 Step recovery world who have ever taken the invaluable step to sponsoring another soul, as its each of you who have truly made a difference in countless lives, including myself, and continue to do so every single day, one day at a time…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Everybody thinks that equality comes from identifying people, and that’s not where equality comes from. Equality comes from treating everybody the same regardless of who they are.” (Matthew Bomer)

Quote #2

“I despise stereotypes. A gay man can be a macho athlete, or he can be an interior designed or any career in between.” (Lori Foster)

Quote #3

“Yeah, I’ve had gay friends. The first thing I realized was that everybody’s different, and it becomes obvious that all of the gay stereotypes are ridiculous.” (Bruce Springsteen)

Bonus Quote

“The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes. It’s a vicious cycle, and after you go around and around a bunch of times, you end up believing that all vegans only eat cabbage and all gay people love musicals.” (Ellen Degeneres)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

A Little More On Those Frequently Portrayed LGBTQ Stereotypes In The Entertainment Industry…

After posting a review of the Netflix remake of “The Boys In The Band” about a week or so ago, I received a number of heart-felt and very interesting comments from a number of readers. While I understand that the original film this remake was based upon was one of the earlier strongholds in the LGBTQ movement, it still made me cringe given how many of the same stereotypes that heterosexuals often place on the LGBTQ culture depicted in this film, continue to be depicted more than not in the entertainment industry today.

Case in point, I recently watched a second LGBTQ film shortly after watching “The Boys In The Band”. It was on Netflix and titled “The Prom”. It was about two lesbian girls attempting to go to their high school prom together and encountering massive resistance from the powers that be on the school board. While the depiction of this lesbian couple itself wasn’t laced with any strong stereotypes, the depiction of the prominent gay male character in the film, Barry Glickman, played by James Corden, sadly did and ultimately ruined the movie for me. Beyond the fact that Corden is a married heterosexual man in real life, his performance was so over-the-top flamboyant, that it honestly made me feel disgusted at the ongoing Hollywood portrayal of so many gay men.

Look, there are countless gay men in our world who you would never know are gay, who don’t act feminine, who don’t sashay when they walk, who don’t use overly strong hand gestures when they talk, who aren’t into drag, who aren’t into showtunes or Broadway, who like things like sports and cars, and do many other things as well that are the exact opposite of what the entertainment industry often portrays of them. Honestly, I rarely see any mainstream movies and television shows that depict average type of joes just like me.

If there’s one thing that truly upsets me the most that comes from all this constant stereotypical portrayal of the LGBTQ culture in the entertainment industry is whenever someone says to me, “I never would have guessed you are gay!” A close second to that would be when someone says to me, “Have you ever dressed up as a woman?” or “Do you like drag?”

Just because I was born being attracted to the same sex doesn’t mean I have to talk with a feminine lisp and like either dressing up in women’s clothing or watching other men do that at some type of bar! Sadly, those types of judgments ALWAYS seem to come from heterosexual men and women who have never had any gay friends and only know of what a gay person might be like by what they see portrayed in films and on television.

Thankfully, I have a number of friends today who really appreciate the fact that I am an average type of joe, who doesn’t come off as appearing gay, and doesn’t fit those typical LGBTQ stereotypes. While I know there are plenty of people out there who do fit those typical LGBTQ stereotypes regularly depicted in film and television, if only the entertainment industry might begin to focus more on average type of joes like me, maybe the world would stop thinking all gay men for example are like Nathan Lane’s or Robin William’s characters from The Birdcage.

And lastly, I need to also mention that while the entertainment industry tends to show many LGBTQ individuals as promiscuous and not caring whatsoever about having a relationship with God, there are plenty out there who do like to settle down, remain monogamous, and focus their life on their spirituality and having a closer relationship with God. While many, many years ago I did explore my sexuality a little too promiscuously and avoided God at the same time, today I am with a partner I’ve been monogamous with for almost nine years now and spend every day seeking a closer connection to God.

Why the entertainment industry must always place gay men in roles that are consistently floating them from one sexual act to another and never doing any sort of praying and spiritual work, I don’t know. For as much as the series “Queer As Folk” for example was groundbreaking in its own way for the LGBTQ movement, it also focused a little too much on promiscuity and led many to believe that there is nothing spiritually healthy that can ever exist amongst gay men. It’s precisely why I feel it took so long to get gay marriage approved for these constant stereotypical portrayals of gay individuals.

Nevertheless, I tend to avoid watching LGBTQ-centered films and tv shows these days mostly because far too many of them frequently depict these typical stereotypes that pigeon hole people like me into them when I am so far from being like them. Hopefully one day, there might be films and shows that regularly depict average type of joes just like me falling in love with another man, all while doing things like hanging out at NASCAR races for the thrill of loud car engines and high speeds, or watching football games, not because of men in tights, but for the thrill of the sport itself…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson