Month: July 2021

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday, where gratitude remains the sole focus in my writing, which for today is for being able to have a friendship today with someone that is mostly the opposite of me.

I used to think that having a good friendship meant the person had to be just like me or quite similar to me. But honestly, I’ve learned that can be quite boring at times when that is true. Contrary to that, one of the biggest rewards I’ve found when it comes to friendships is when I challenge myself to look beyond my ego and what it thinks it needs when it comes to a friend, which is very true when it comes to a friend of mine named Rob.

While he and I do share a common interest with superhero-type stuff, chiefly Marvel, and a few of the same type of foods, much of the similarities stop there. Beyond a glaring fact that he is heterosexual, which I of course am not, he’s mostly atheist to agnostic, while I’m more of a man of faith, is relatively political, whereas I detest politics, believes and swears in the power of science and medicine, something of which I tend to avoid these days, and well you get the point.

At first glance, to an ego like the one I continue to try to smash within me, it might seem like he and I wouldn’t stand a chance to have any type of healthy, let alone fun friendship, but ironically, we do. We tend to laugh a lot when we hang out and click far better than what my ego initially judged. The level of Rob’s compassion is second to none, as is his tendency to listen with the hopes of understanding, rather than judging. I’ve come to learn quite a bit in spending time with Rob and lately, on most of our hangouts, I’m even watching a show now that I originally didn’t want to give a chance, that being Star Trek Discovery on Paramount Plus. It actually is really good and I am enjoying watching it with him immensely, especially in all the little jokes we make during each episode.

Because of my growing friendship with Rob, I’ve thought quite a bit lately about how many potential friendships I’ve never even given a chance throughout my life with people who didn’t act, or look, or like what I thought I’d need to have a good connection. Sadly, I was very superficial in much of my younger years, hanging only with people who shared my views or likes or were my physical type, thinking that’s what was important. It wasn’t, as some of the best moments in my life have come by going against the grain of that and with Rob, I’m glad I did.

While he continues to challenge me at times, like I do with him, there has been incredible spiritual growth on both of our parts in spending time with each other cultivating our connection. I tend to think that’s precisely what God would want for us in this world, to make friends not only with those who are similar to us, but also, and especially with those who seem exactly the opposite of us. Because in the end, I believe we become far more well-rounded individuals when we do, learning to love and accept much that is outside our norm and different than us.

I’m truly grateful for giving Rob a chance and am so thankful to God for bringing him into my life to teach me not just a few lessons, but many.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“My dear heart, never think you are better than others. Listen to their sorrows with compassion. If you want peace, don’t harbor bad thoughts. Do no gossip and don’t teach what you do not know.” (Rumi)

Quote #2

“You seldom help others by pointing out their faults, however, you always lift others by pointing out how much they matter” (Unknown)

Quote #3

“The sharpest critics and those most known for pointing out flaws or weaknesses in others, are most often the ones who are blind to their own shortcomings, insecurities, and mistakes. It’s best to take a mirror and examine oneself, before riding a self-righteous high horse, accusing others of what you think they do wrong.” (Jonathan Harnisch)

Bonus Quote

“As soon as you think you know someone else’s truth better than they do, you are in deep water.” (Martha Beck)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

“I’m The Friend Who’s Going To Tell You The Truth When Everyone Else Is Afraid To…”

“I’m the friend who’s going to tell you the truth when everyone else is afraid to…”

Have you ever had a friend say something like that to you? I have and honestly, I really don’t need that type of friend in my life, because typically what follows a statement like that is nothing more than ego-filled judgments weighted in negativity.

Our world is filled with plenty of people judging each other all the time these days, but that’s most definitely something I don’t want or need in any friendship, as I’ve been judged unfairly throughout much of my life, starting with a mother who saw more of the critical in me than the good. But, I’ve worked hard to move beyond that, to let that part of her go, yet I find myself still in connection at times with people who remind me of her, who have the tendency to point out where they feel I could do better in life, highlighting more of their perceived notion of my flaws and shortcomings, rather than praising any of my positive traits. People like this rarely tend to own their own flaws and shortcomings and are so quick to point out another’s.

I used to be quite proficient at this, thinking I always knew better about those in my life, letting them know exactly what I thought, typically judging them profusely in the process, believing it was the right thing to do, “because no one else was ever going to tell them the truth”. All that did though was cause them more pain and drive a wedge between me and them. It’s one thing I can say my friend Cedric and I work very hard not to do with each other, which is why we’ve probably been the best of friends for almost a quarter century now. We don’t point out each other’s flaws or imperfections, or judge what we think either of us should or shouldn’t be doing, or ever focus on areas we believe each other could be doing better in life. Rather, we concentrate more on offering each other acts of compassion, kindness, and praise, and hold space for each other, even when we get stuck in extended periods of self-pity or frustration.

Recently, when someone close to me did exactly the opposite of this with me, offering me their “truth”, suggesting I enjoyed wallowing in self-pity and wanted to remain sick, it hurt immensely, because it wasn’t true on any level. It completely discounted the countless hours and work I’ve put into getting healthier by remaining physically active, eating healthy, meditating, praying, reciting affirmations, writing daily gratitude, volunteering, blogging about it all, and more. To say what they did immediately reminded me so vividly of a mother who was far better at criticism than praise. Why people become like this, believing it’s ok to share the “truth” they think they see in a friend, I believe solely stems from their ego, as it makes them temporarily feel better about themselves. Essentially, it lowers their friend, while temporarily raising themselves. At it’s core, it’s an unhealthy behavior that generally traces back to a parent or a former peer from childhood who did the very same thing to them.

While there have been certain key moments of my life when I have wanted a friend to “tell me the truth when no one else is going to”, such as when I was living in addiction and directly hurting myself or them, doing so otherwise isn’t spiritually healthy and is only going to lead to the demise of the friendship, as true friends need love and compassion far more than they need criticism and judgment, especially when going through any of those dark tunnels of life, no matter how long those dark tunnels may last…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson