Silly Joke #1
Little Johnny came running out of the bathroom in tears. “What’s the matter?” asked his father. “I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet…” Little Johnny said teary-eyed. “Okay, don’t worry, but we’d better throw it out…” his father responded lovingly. So the father fished the toothbrush out of the toilet and put it in the garbage. When he returned, the boy was holding another toothbrush. “Isn’t that my toothbrush?” the father said. “Yes,” said Little Johnny, “I think we’d better throw this one out too, because it fell in the toilet four days ago!”
Silly Joke #2
Two men were down at the pub talking. The first man said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible !” The second man says, “That’s nothing. My wife thinks I’m God!” The “first man then said, “She thinks you’re God? What makes you say that?” The second man then smiles and says, “Well, every night I come home after work and sit down at the table where she places a burnt offering before me!”
Silly Joke #3
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds’ legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species. The student looked at each of the birds’ legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got. Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor’s desk and said, “What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?” With that the student threw his test on the professor’s desk and walked to the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn’t know every student’s name so as the student reached the door the professor called, “Sir, what’s your name?” The enraged student then pulled up his pant legs and said, “Well, why don’t you tell me buddy!!!”
Bonus Silly Joke
A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn’t contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o’clock that night. They got dressed quickly. Then the man asked his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked, thinking him pretty weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the door. Upset, she asked where he’d been. The man replied, “I can not tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That’s why I’m late.” The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes, and yelled, “I can see those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU LIAR! You’ve been playing golf again, haven’t you?”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
