The subject of the “5 Love Languages” are something that continues to pop up throughout my life via my cognitive therapy, my MKP men’s group, and my 12 Step recovery work. The love languages describe five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. Many are often not even aware of what theirs is. I wasn’t, that is until just a few years ago when I first heard about these love languages and wrote about the ones I connected with the most. Today I decided to put a placeholder out there in my blog for others to know what the actual 5 love languages are, as it can help relationships grow closer, once each partner is able to fully identify what their love language(s) are. So, here are those five love languages I’m speaking of:
- Words Of Affirmation – This is where a person expresses their love in sincere words and verbally explains all the reasons why they love the person. It’s all about expressing words of encouragement, appreciation, and empathy. They tend to be regular complementers of others. The opposite of this love language is offering non-constructive criticism, rarely recognizing, or appreciating another’s effort, and instead negating another’s accomplishments in life.
- Physical Touch – This is where a person uses non-verbal forms of communication through body language to show their love for another. This person tends to show their love through hugs, holding hands, pats on the back, or just being close to another when in their physical presence. The opposite of this love language is neglect, any form of abuse, long stints without intimacy of any kind, and receiving affection coldly.
- Receiving Gifts – This is where a person offers their love through thoughtful gifts that generally have a symbolic meaning behind them and often shows the other person they matter and how much they really get them. This person tends to symbolize the statement, “It’s the thought that counts!” The opposite of this love language is forgetting special occasions, giving gifts with no meaning or heart in them, and receiving gifts themselves unenthusiastically.
- Quality Time – This is where a person spends time together with another one-on-one and remains fully present. They tend to give their full undivided attention, especially in eye contact, rarely interrupts the other when they’re talking, and makes a very concerted effort to really get to know what the other person is going through. The opposite of this love language is getting caught up in distractions such as using a cell phone when spending time with another, avoiding spending one-on-one time for long periods, and constantly interrupting the other only to talk about themselves.
- Acts of Service – This is where a person eases the responsibilities and burdens of another. It’s where one regularly goes out of their way to do something for someone else and is usually a sacrifice. This person tends to make the requests of another a higher priority, where helping do things like chores (especially together) to alleviate the other’s workload is typical for them. The opposite of this love language is laziness, broken commitments, making a person wait to get chores done, and adding more to a person’s workload.
These five love languages have been helping me see my partner and my friends in a much better light. It is said that these five love languages can improve relationships when each person identifies what theirs is, as well as what they want from the other. Once that’s figured out, it becomes easier to see how love is being uniquely expressed in connections between two people. Personally, I absolutely excel in offering words of affirmation, physical touch and acts of service, but I could use serious improvement in receiving gifts and quality time. With others, what I seek the most is quality time and acts of service.
Nevertheless, I hope today’s article may help you figure out what your love language(s) is/are, as I know it can and will help you, once you identify it/them. And when you do, not only will your own unique expression(s) of love be more identifiable by those you are in connection with, but vice versa as well…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson