Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A wife was watching a cooking program on television when her husband walked in.
Husband: “What are you watching that for? You can’t cook.”
Wife: “Well, I would say then that the same principle holds true with you watching all that porn!”

Silly Joke #2

A man’s beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when it got stolen from his office parking lot one day, his family was delighted. Nonetheless, he called the police. Their relief became short-lived, as within an hour an officer was on the phone. “We found the car less than a mile away,” he said, trying to restrain himself. “It had a note on it that read, ‘Thanks anyway, but I realized it was far better to walk!”

Silly Joke #3

An 80+ year old elderly gentleman went to his local drug store and asked his pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said “That’s no problem. How many would you like?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4 or so, because I am going to cut each one into 4 pieces to make them last longer.” The pharmacist responded, “Unfortunately, that won’t work as well if end up doing that to each pill.” The elderly gentleman responded, “That’s ok. I don’t need them to work that well as I don’t have sex anymore.” The pharmacist replied, “Well if you mind me asking, what do you plan to use them for then?” The elderly gentleman replied, “Oh, I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my clothes and shoes anymore…”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

A teacher asks all the kids in her 11th grade class one day what they plan to do when they officially become an adult in a few years and dreads when it comes around to Johnny’s turn who’s no longer Little Johnny but teenage Johnny, someone who’s always been known for giving the most inappropriate of responses to questions ever since he was a kid.
Teacher: “So, Johnny, what do you plan to do as an adult?”
Teenage Johnny: “I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then become a billionaire investor who is able to go to the most expensive private clubs where I’ll find the finest bitch and give her whatever she wants including a mansion in Paris, which we will travel to by my private jet, and once there, I’ll be banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane!”
While the class laughed hysterically, the teacher was completely embarrassed, shocked, and had no idea know what to say. But, rather than send Johnny to the Principal’s office like he was always being sent to, she simply decides not to acknowledge what he said at all and continues on with her lesson without skipping a beat.
Teacher: “And how about you, Sarah. What do you plan to do when you become an adult?’
Sarah: “I plan to be Larry’s bitch…”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson