Silly Joke #1
Little Johnny, who always says inappropriate things and is quite mischievous, walks into 5th grade class late one day. His teacher sternly says, “Johnny, take your seat and pay attention to me very clearly, please do not walk into my class late again.” The next day Little Johnny comes into class late again but this time is on all fours as he enters. The entire class is laughing at his antics as his teacher says, “Johnny, just what do you think you are doing and I thought I told you not to come into class late again?!” Little Johnny responded, “No, you told me I couldn’t WALK into class late again. Today, I’m CRAWLING into class late. See, I did pay attention to you clearly!”
Silly Joke #2
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, the captain put it on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels about to attack. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!” And once again the battle was on. This time, the Captain and his crew repelled both pirate ships, although this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battles?” The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound, and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.” The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed more pirate ships were approaching, 10 of them, all ready to attack. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!”
Silly Joke #3
There was an old priest who was sick of all the people in his local parish that kept confessing adultery. One Sunday, from the pulpit, he said in a weak moment, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’m officially retiring!” Well, everyone liked him so much they all agreed together to keep him around by coming up with a code word that when someone had committed adultery, they would use the word “fallen.” This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest eventually died from old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. People keep coming to the confessional and talking about having fallen.” The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word that even he knew about. Everyone had just gotten used to using it for so long in a town where adultery seemed to happen a lot. But before the Mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the Mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about! Your wife fell three times this week!”
Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)
Two country bumpkins, Earl and Ray, were sitting at a very rural bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life. Earl looked out the window, and across the road sees a sheep has somehow gotten itself stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern. He points it out to Ray and says, “I sure wish that sheep over there were the likes of Marilyn Monroe.” His friend replied, “I sure wish it were dark already Earl…”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
