Silly Joke #1
A concerned woman phones her doctor and says, “Doctor, I’m really worried about my husband. I honestly think he’s lost his mind. He thinks he’s a dog and been acting like the ones we have all day!” “I’m coming over right away, as I have to see this for myself!” the doctor says. When the doctor arrives, the woman opens the door. Her husband is on all fours and starts wagging his bottom and licking the doctor’s hand while the real dogs look at him strangely. “Interesting”, the doctor says, a little startled. “I’ll examine him. Can you make him lie down on the sofa?” “No, sorry Doctor. Our dogs aren’t allowed on the sofa!”
Silly Joke #2
A husband is trying to relax at home on Saturday after a long week, but his wife keeps nagging him to go outside and mow the lawn. Eventually, he blurts out, “I’ll do that if you can answer just this one question for me.” She pauses momentarily and nods ok. He then says, “Well, you know how a deer, a cow, and a horse all eat grass. But a deer’s excretions are pellets, while a cow makes flat pies, and a horse makes clumps…why is that?” His wife says, “I have no idea?” He replies, “Well then, I guess I don’t have to do the lawn then when it’s obvious you don’t know sh*t?”
Silly Joke #3 (2 Little Johnny Jokes, the boy who always says the most inappropriate of things…)
Little Joey is talking to his big brother Little Johnny one day.
Little Joey: Do you know that Mom and Dad told me I was actually born on the highway? Pretty cool right?
Little Johnny: Well that makes sense, that’s where most accidents tend to happen!
Little Johnny was talking to his mother one day.
Little Johnny: Mom, you know how they say in church that having sex before marriage is a sin?
Mom: Yes dear, why would you bring up such a thing?
Little Johnny: Well I was wondering, since you and Dad are married and are also always fighting does that mean having sex would now be considered a miracle for you guys?
Bonus Silly Joke
There was a young Scottish boy named Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.’ ‘Well, ma laddie,’ says his mother, ‘I suggest you don’t associate with people like that.’ ‘Oh,’ says Angus, ‘I don’t, I mostly just stay inside my apartment when I’m home practicing on my bagpipes for hours!’
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
