Month: June 2013

The God Contract

My spiritual teacher repeatedly tells me to not compare myself to others. Frankly, it’s hard not to when I see so many people living life similar to the way I once lived but with no consequences. In a conversation I had with her the other day, she reminded me that what I see on the outside with any of these people is not necessarily what is truly going on inside. After much thought to my old life, I had to agree with her statement.

For years, I lived as if I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I overindulged with cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, sex, caffeine, and money more times than I could count. I gossiped and was judgmental, negative, and greedy all too often. I usually looked at others with only one intention on what I could get out of them. And during all of those times, the worst that happened to me was having to experience anxiety and depression, which only halted my sick behaviors temporarily. What I didn’t know was just how toxic my insides had become from all of my sick actions in life. But, a day did come several years ago when I finally had grown weary enough of experiencing those mental and emotional symptoms, that I reached out to God for help.

I believe that when anyone asks God for help, that it’s like opening up a contract and accepting its terms and conditions when signed. Except in the case of God, those terms and conditions aren’t usually disclosed when we reach out for help. This has been my biggest challenge since I prayed to God with an open heart back in the Spring of 2010. I had grown so sick and tired of that mental and emotional roller coaster that I was living in then, that I humbly offered myself up to God in prayer. I asked to have me go through whatever I needed to, so as to heal from all of the toxins within me and to free me as well from all the things that drove me to those toxins in the first place.

Since then, my reality has become a full day to day onslaught of mental, emotional, and most disturbingly physical ailments. There are quite a number of days where I question my sanity and wonder like Job did in the Bible about God’s salvation. This in turn has led me to looking at those in this world who are still doing much of the same behaviors I once did and wondering why they’re not in pain. It’s then that my spiritual teacher reminds me that most of them aren’t trying to stop their toxic behaviors or heal from anything. She also helps me to remember that there was a day when I lived my life with hardly any cares in the world other than to please myself. And how in each of those days, I was becoming more and more toxic without even knowing it.

If you’ve read any of my other writings about healing in my blog, what keeps me going is hope and faith in believing that all of my pain is coming from residual toxins being cleared out of me by God. And essentially, that this is the answer to those prayers to God all those years ago when I had been so mentally and emotionally broken.

The bottom line is that it really doesn’t help me in any way to compare myself to anyone else. My teacher is totally right in that I don’t know what’s going on inside any of those people I see doing my old behaviors. What I do know though is that I asked God for help several years ago and because of that I created a contract with God. And like all contracts, I need to trust that God will honor God’s side of it. I may not like God’s terms and conditions, but in the long run, I really believe that only good will come out of it all.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

How Would You Spend Your Last Day Alive?

If you knew that you had one day left to live in life, how would you spend it?

Have you ever pondered this question? I know I have. Life is already too short, but I’ve tried to imagine if I suddenly knew I only had 24 hours left to live, how would I use the precious moments that remained?

There are infiniteness answers to this question and for each individual that may be posed it, they would vary. Some might party like it’s 1999 as Prince once said. Others might cry profusely and spend their last moments being depressed and alone. Then there’s those who might spend a ton of money and buy lavish things or travel to an exotic locale. There’s also those who might call all their close friends and family and tell them how much their loved. And of course there may even be some who might seek forgiveness from all all those they had hurt throughout their lives, before it becomes too late. Those are just some of all the possible paths that people might follow in their final moments alive on Earth.

While I’m not sure I know what I’d exactly do in my last hours of life if I knew I was in them, I can say for sure I know what I wouldn’t do. I’ve had many people ask me if I would ever consider breaking my sobriety if I knew I was going to die imminently. My answer to them then and now is still the same; no. Why would I want to spend my final remaining moments being numb when I’ve worked so hard in my life to go in the exact opposite direction. I can also say that I probably wouldn’t go spend a ton of money either because that never brought me much happiness in any point of my life. But if I really was to make a serious gander at what I would want to do in the final day of my life, I have a pretty good idea of what it could be only because I believe I’m already doing it.

Today, I try to look at every day, ever hour, every minute, and every second, as if it were my final moments to live. Because of that, I tell those I care about, that I love them every single time I part company or hang up the phone at the end of a conversation with them. I do my best to be selfless and giving, and also kind and considerate to any person I come across. I really work hard to remain free of judgment of things I see around me that my ego doesn’t like. I ask for forgiveness when I make mistakes because I still do make them at times. And I strive to free myself of all anger and resentments towards everyone and everything because both are poison to my soul. All of this is different from how I used to be as for the longest time in my life, I was extremely selfish and self-centered. I hurt people because I was hurt. I sought after misery and created even more of it, in and around me. So when I lost people, like my parents, to sudden deaths and was left to ponder my final moments with them, the memories that I was left with were usually of me fighting or arguing with them or being completely caught up in my selfishness. I lived with much regret for the longest of time over this until I finally made a promise to myself that I was going to do everything I could to becoming healthier, more loving, and totally devoted to God.

Through all that hard work, I really do take each day now as if it could be the last for either myself or anyone else that I may come across. If it really was going to be mine or someone else’s final day, the last thing I would want to do is fill it with anything else but light and love. So the next time you might find yourself in an argument with someone, ask yourself what if this was your’s or their’s last day alive? Would that fight you’re having be worth it then? I know what my answer would be.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Zombie Epidemic

I had a chance the other night to go see World War Z at the theater starring Brad Pitt. I thought the movie was pretty decent as it kept me on the edge of my seat for most of its running time. But let’s face it, doesn’t it seem like lately that zombies are popping up everywhere in television shows and movies? Why is it that everyone is so fascinated by them now?

A quick google search showed me that zombies have been around for much longer than I thought. Their first real appearance goes all the way back to a film called White Zombie that was released in 1932. But it really wasn’t until George Romero released a 1968 movie named Night of the Living Dead that they became infamous. Ever since then, zombies have become more and more popular and been simply known as “the living dead”.

Over the past few decades their notoriety has been gained through movies such as 28 Days Later, Resident Evil, Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, I am Legend, and most recently Warm Bodies. And there’s even an extremely popular show about them now entitled The Walking Dead that has millions and millions of fans watching it.

After watching World War Z and many of the other movies and TV shows which portray zombies, I can see why people are drawn so much to them. The most obvious reason to me is that zombies are people too. They were someone’s friend, husband, wife, son, daughter, mother, father, etc. Placing myself in some of those situations I have seen in these movies and television shows, I really can’t imagine what I would do if my sister or my partner or one of my closest friends had become one. In the movies, when I have seen those situations, the people usually shot their loved ones in the head with terrible regret or they get bitten while trying to do the right thing and become one of them too. It’s a horrible dilemma to think about and I’m sure that’s one of the top reasons why people are so intrigued by watching a zombie invasion. I believe another big reason for zombies growing popularity is this end of the world concept that has been growing fear in so many people lately. In World War Z, most of the human population is decimated by this zombie plague. And that’s only one way that films and TV shows are showing how the end of the world might happen. Often it’s also shown as an asteroid about to hit the earth, or severe weather outbreaks from global warming, or some other deadly disease, or Revelations from the Bible. In all of them, the majority of the human race is lost and I’m sure most everyone who has ever watched any of these portrayals on the big or small screen has imagined themselves as one of the last survivors on Earth. And of course, a final reason why many people probably like zombies is just because they think they’re cool. Television and movies have become so realistic and graphic lately with blood and violence that zombies are a very good way now to shock audiences as they chase, jump on, and rip and tear the flesh off of someone. The truth is I really don’t like zombies that much because of all of this. I always get nightmares when I go to sleep after watching something they were in. When I watched the first two episodes of The Walking Dead in Season One, I got next to no sleep and that became the end of my tuning into that show. So you’re probably wondering now why I decided to go see World War Z given this fact. I don’t really have a good answer for you, except for the fact that I love movies especially those big budget flicks that come out during the summer like this one.

The bottom line I’m trying to make with all of this though is that with all the diseases that are running rampant these days, with many labs doing terrible animal testing, and governments secretly working on biological warfare, it’s extremely possible that something like a zombie epidemic could happen. And if it ever does, I just hope that a rapture will occur just before it’s outbreak, and that God will choose to take me during it. I really don’t want to see my nightmares become reality before my eyes. Regardless, I think I’m going to pray now that I don’t have a nightmare tonight and that zombies will always just remain something to frighten us in a theater or at home on a television screen.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson