Month: November 2013

How Your Actions Can Bring On Chemical Imbalances And Depression

I spent years believing my bouts of depression were solely due to an incurable chemical imbalance within me that required an anti-depressant to manage them for the rest of my life. Thankfully, that’s no longer the case as I have found that much of the reason I had that was largely being caused by the way I was choosing to live my life.

It’s unfortunate, but one of the first things that most doctors, especially psychiatrists, do these days when a person walks into their office and says they are feeling down is prescribe them a pill, which usually ends up being an anti-depressant. While there are those who absolutely may need one of these due to how unstable they’ve become, there are plenty of others who just don’t want to deal with what’s going on within themselves or in their lives so they take a pill instead to cover it up. According to some recent statistics I found, more than ten percent of American citizens claim they have a chemical imbalance that requires them to be on a mood stabilizing drug. Sadly, those statistics also say that this percentage is rapidly increasing each year. What’s ironic is that just over a few decades ago, none of these anti-depressants existed, suicide rates were much lower, and people weren’t regularly saying they had chemical imbalances. So what’s changed?

The simple fact is that more and more people are looking for a pill these days to take away all those moments where they are feeling down. What most don’t realize is that while their depressed mood is probably resulting from a chemical balance, the depression their experiencing because of it is just their body’s way of forcing them to deal with the issues they’ve been avoiding. It took a lot of therapy and spiritual work on myself to figure this out.

When I became sober after years of being actively addicted to alcohol and drugs, I also began facing the fact that I was a homosexual. While I initially tried to face all those issues, it became too overwhelming so I slid into other addictions to suppress all of it. Within a short period of time, my body responded with its first bout of debilitating depression that forced me to face those issues I was trying to avoid. It also required me to be put on an antidepressant for awhile because I had grown to unstable from those addictions. Through therapy and time, I began to feel much better so I took myself off of the antidepressant. I also stopped the therapy and working on myself as well once life felt like it was returning back to normal. For awhile my life seemed pretty good, but then the day came when my father committed suicide.

When that happened I chose to bottle up his death, tuck it away, and instead went back to other addictions, as that seemed the easiest way to distract myself from dealing with it. But once again, my body responded to that action after a period of time by delivering me another debilitating bout of depression. This forced me once again to face the issue I was avoiding, which was my father’s untimely death. I also had to go back on an anti-depressant because I had grown too unstable once more from my addictive behaviors. Like before, I worked through the issue in therapy until eventually I started feeling better where I then came off of the antidepressant. More than nine years would pass before another serious bout of depression would return and looking back I can see now why that was.

During all those years I never completely stopped working on myself. Instead of going into a full blown addictive mode which always preceded my bouts of serious depression, I stayed with therapy and delved into some issues I knew I needed to work through. But as the years went on, more issues happened in my life including my mother’s tragic death, the end of a seven year relationship, the loss of a business, and a move to a new area. I started avoiding dealing with bits and pieces of those things and began to slowly pull away from some of the work I was doing on myself. Eventually, I stopped all of that work and that addictive side took completely over. And sure enough, that led to another debilitating bout of depression where I was placed back on an antidepressant. Since then I have gone back to working on all those issues I had avoided during that nine year period and then some.

I see things a lot more clearly now and I understand why I’ve had those bouts of serious depression in my life. Consistently whenever bad things happened to me, I covered them up with addictions or other avoidances, and grew apart from any spiritual connection to my Higher Power. The more I stayed in those addictions and the more I avoided dealing with those issues, the more I created a chemical imbalance. And the more I created a chemical imbalance, the more I dealt with depression. But every time I faced my issues and worked through them, and every time I drew closer to my Higher Power, I didn’t have any of those bouts of serious depression. Until I realized all of this, I stayed in this vicious cycle and it looked simply like this:

1. I felt good.

2. Something bad happened.

3. I avoided dealing with it through addictions or other distractions.

4. I grew farther apart from my Higher Power.

5. My depression and anxiety rose until it took over my life.

6. That made me not want to do the addictions or distractions.

7. My mood then became so unstable I had to be put on antidepressants.

8. I started working on dealing with the bad thing that had happened.

9. I grew closer to my Higher Power through that work.

10. I began to feel better.

11. I took myself off of the antidepressants.

Thankfully, I’m not in this cycle anymore as I am dealing with all the bad things as they happen now. I’m not avoiding any of my issues, I’m doing everything I can to have a close relationship to my Higher Power now, and I’m working constantly on myself. I’m also grateful to say I haven’t been on any medications nor have I dealt with any bouts of serious depression for almost two years. But I know all of this is contingent upon me continuing that work both on myself and with my relationship to my Higher Power.

While doctors will probably continue believing that everyone has these bouts of serious depression solely due to chemical imbalances, I am able to see today how my own actions directly led me to having the both of them.

If you are wondering why you get depressed, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and start thinking about those issues in your life that you may be avoiding dealing with instead of just saying you have a chemical imbalance. Some, if not all of your depression, may indeed be due to your own actions and avoidances of issues. Once you start working through them and getting closer to a Higher Power, you will probably find your depression lessening. Keep this up for good, and you may just find that your depression will leave you once and for all…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Spin And Dry Cycle Of A Person Suffering From An Addiction

Currently there are more than forty different types of detox centers and programs for those suffering from addictions located near where I live. And it is definitely a heart-wrenching challenge each time I go to speak at any one of them about my own recovery from the addiction-laden life I once lived. That’s only because of the constant “spin and dry cycle” I see people funneling through time and time again at most of them.

A “spin and dry cycle” is a metaphor used mostly in, but not limited to, the alcohol and drug addiction recovery-based communities. What it actually refers to is the active alcoholic or drug addict who goes through a detox center or program for one sole purpose. And that’s to take a quick “spin” through it just to sober up and become “dry” for a short while, only to go back out and do it all over again some time later.

For the past few years I’ve been visiting at least one of these detox centers each week with various 12 Step groups to spread my experience, strength, and hope in my recovery from addictions. There, it seems as if I always recognize familiar faces and while I’m glad to see these people haven’t perished from their addictions, it breaks my heart to see them keep repeating this cycle over and over again. I have learned over time from many of them that they always have any number of reasons why they keep going in and out of these detox centers and programs on a regular basis. But in each case, I have found it really all boils down to one specific reason and that’s the fact that their pain hasn’t gotten great enough for them to stop this repetitive detox shuffle. And unfortunately, there are many things that make this advantageous for them to keep doing so.

I have discovered that most of those reasons frequently deal with them seeking the basic necessities of life. Case in point, take those suffering from addictions who might become starving or thirsty, many of them will head to a detox center or program just for the three square meals served each day, in addition to the snacks, bottled water, juices, milk, and coffee that’s readily available for them there all the time. Or take those suffering from addictions who might become homeless, many of them will head to a detox center, especially during the cold New England months, just to get a warm and usually quite comfortable bed that’s waiting for them there. I’ve even known of those suffering from addictions who have lost all their clothing and ended up going to a detox center just to be provided items to wear and take with them when they leave.

I have often wondered if the system is a big part of the problem that leads people to living in this spin and dry cycle. Most of the people I see doing this have state healthcare which allows them to go multiple times in a single year to one of these detox centers or programs. Also, all a person really needs to do to get into many of them is just call around and see if there is an open bed. When there is, the only thing they have to do is show up drunk or high and they’ll be allowed in. Thus both of these situations perpetuate the problem.

I’m not sure what the solution is to be perfectly honest. While I think these detox centers and programs are amazing on what they offer, most who attend them seem to care less about the recovery side of them and instead focus on getting those basic necessities. I went with a few people in recovery the other night to one of these detox centers that was for men suffering from alcohol and drug addiction. There I watched almost every person ignore us as we spoke about our experience, strength, and hope in recovery by either falling asleep, carrying on their own conversations, reading a book, getting up and walking around, or doing something else that prevented them from hearing our messages of hope. Gratefully though, one man did and he thanked each of us at the end of the meeting by saying he heard what what he needed to hear that night. And it’s my hope that he’ll be one of those who ends up avoiding that spin and dry cycle in the future because of it.

While it may be frustrating to me when I see anyone going through this “spin and dry cycle” time and time again, I still continue to show up and speak at these detox centers hoping to help someone break free from it. It actually took a friend of mine over 60 complete cycles and a tremendous amount of pain before he finally broke free from it, so I know there is hope for even the toughest of cases. I pray on most days now for recovery for all those in the world who choose to continue living in this cycle and I also hope for their sake, that they’ll one day break free from it long before it ever ends up taking their life…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

A Healthy Geographical Move Versus Geographical Cures

As of the present moment, I’m 41 years old and I’ve already moved my life ten times. While a few of those household moves were justified, many were not. In those cases, they were more about running away from the things that felt too out of control in my life and hoping the next place would be a whole lot better. In approximately two months though, I’ll be making my eleventh move and it’s something I’ve been sitting on the fence with for quite awhile. That’s solely for the reason because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t attempting to make yet another geographical cure in my life.

In the recovery world, a geographical cure is a nickname fondly given to the action where a person moves their entire life somewhere completely new and far away from their old life where many problems usually existed for them. Unfortunately, it took me a long time and many household moves to figure out that this never works. While there are many valid reasons why a person might choose to move from one place to another, running away from their problems isn’t one of them although I often convinced myself it was.

I lived a very problematic life for several decades creating a lot of drama in all my affairs. And ironically, the word “affairs” is just one of the many things I got myself involved in that created that drama. On top of that, I frequently made enemies and upset friends everywhere I went because of the way I was living my life. This generally led me to have the tendency to believe that moving myself to a completely new place would allow me to start over. I basically was always looking for a clean slate, but given the fact that I never worked on most of my character defects, that clean slate became pretty dirty in a very short amount of time wherever I lived. Until I became willing to change and work through all of them, it didn’t matter where I moved or travelled to, as I just created the same mess everywhere. This is why I’ve been waiting patiently on making my decision to do yet another move, with this one being from Massachusetts to Ohio where my partner currently resides.

Many people who get into intimate relationships, especially long distance ones like mine, think their lives will be all the better if they move in together sooner than later. In my former days, I allowed myself to believe this and would often be living with someone I had been dating for less than six months. In some cases, this might have actually worked for two healthy people. But in the case of someone like I once was, who was toxic and troubled, moving in with a person I had been dating for such a short period of time just made our lives together toxic and troubled. That is the precise reason why each of those relationships failed and sadly, I just ran away each time they did to somewhere new thinking I could start over fresh.

With my connection to my Higher Power, I am grateful to see now how this pattern of running away to somewhere new was never healthy for me. This is why I’ve stayed in Massachusetts for the past six years, as here I’ve been forcing myself to work through the majority of my character defects that would always rear their ugly heads no matter where I lived. While I know life can’t be perfect and everyday problems will always arise, I haven’t made the move yet to my partner’s home because I wanted to make sure I was healthy enough to do that. Truthfully, the invitation for me to move in with my partner has been out there since June of 2012, but up until just a few days ago, I knew I wasn’t ready for that. Thankfully, that’s all changed now. My Higher Power has shown me I’ve worked through enough of my own character defects to make this move in good conscience and not for a geographical cure.

The point I’ve been trying to make in all of this is that geographical cures never work. If your life is seriously troubled and you are thinking about moving somewhere else far away because of it, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and think again about making that decision. There’s a strong chance that you will just re-create your seriously troubled life all over again no matter where you go. While it may hide it’s horrible face for a period of time in that new location you choose to go to, it’s quite inevitable that your problems will only resurface again some time later there. So save yourself the hassle and expenses involved in moving and instead seek your Higher Power to work through your problems where you are now. I can promise you in doing so that your Higher Power will let you know when the time is right to actually make a healthy geographical move, just like my Higher Power did for me.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson