In recovery, when someone mentions their “sobriety date”, it usually represents the first day they became clean and sober from whatever the substance of their addiction was. I’ve learned over time though, especially in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), that the word “sobriety” itself actually means something different for each and every individual.
In AA, the general consensus as to what “sobriety” means seems to be that of when a person is free of all alcohol and drugs (unless prescribed and taken as instructed). There are those in recovery though who believe all we have is today because it’s a “one-day at a time” based program and many of them choose to never disclose the last time they drank or used a drug because of it. But there are others who follow this same mindset because they continue to relapse again and again. On the one hand that can help prevent putting themselves down each time they relapse, it can also become a way to avoid reaching any type of sobriety.
There’s another set of people I’ve met in AA who define their “sobriety” by breaking it down to each individual substance. In the meeting rooms I once attended in the Boston area, this was commonly known as “The Marijuana Maintenance Program”. That name was derived by the many individuals who came to meetings and shared they had been sober for years, yet they regularly still smoked pot. And while pot is just one of those substances this happened with, there were many others who remained totally free of alcohol but still abused their prescriptions or justified taking a medication they weren’t prescribed. To them, their sobriety date represented their freedom from alcohol only. The reverse has been just as true of “The Marijuana Maintenance Program”. Many have ceased taking all drugs (unless prescribed and taken as indicated), but still go on drinking alcohol occasionally because it was never a problem for them. To them, their sobriety date becomes the last time they got high only. Sadly, I’ve never heard of anyone having success with “sobriety” in either of these situations. One of them has ALWAYS led them back to their original poison and addiction.
For me, my first definition of sobriety began on June 11th, 1995. That was the first day my system became free of all booze and drugs (that weren’t prescribed and taken as indicated), as well as nicotine. For the longest time, I shared that date out of pride and ego and not for the good it could do. I often wanted to make myself look better than others simply by sharing the number of years I had sober because they were greater than another. Through my spiritual work and walk with God, I’ve learned the importance of my sobriety date is only to show others that long-term sobriety can exist, even through the most difficult of life’s unfortunate circumstances.
But today, I have a new definition of “sobriety”, as it means something so much bigger than it ever used to for me. It has a lot to do with the intensive spiritual journey I’ve been on for the past few years. Now, “sobriety” means being free of all the things I once used to do to keep myself numb from any pain that came from living life. Initially that was only defined as alcohol, drugs, and nicotine, but today it also covers the addictions I had with sex and love, codependency, gambling, overeating, shopping, caffeine, and more.
I’m starting to believe now from my own experience that how one ends up defining their “sobriety” really depends on where they are on their spiritual journey and in their recovery. From observation only, the less I’ve seen someone be guided by a Higher Power, the more loosely they’ve seemed to define their sobriety. But the more I’ve seen someone be guided by a Higher Power, the more it seems they do their best to become free of all addictions. I realize though it’s not my place to judge how one ends up defining “sobriety”, but it is my hope that one day all of us will become free of all addictions and have our Higher Power guiding our ENTIRE lives.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
I do believe that sobriety in a particular program should be celebrated. Take the gambling, pot-smoking, sex-addicted, pill-popping alcoholic. If they are bettering their life by abstaining from one of those (let’s say alcohol), that sobriety date in a program like AA should be honored and celebrated, because it is a major milestone in THEIR life.
Especially with alcohol, remember not everyone has an issue with it. A pill-popper who occasionally drinks responsibly may have only one issue – and a sobriety date need not require him/her to be free of alcohol.
There are many cross-addictions in the rooms (AA, CA, NA, HA, EA, OA, GA). You raise some good points about being free of all addictions, which everyone should strive for, but a lot of people may struggle to battle one at a time. In my opinion, the rooms should be full of encouragement and acknowledgement for each step taken, not telling cross-addicted folks they must be free of all addictions before one specific program will recognize them.
The sobriety date IS up to each person to define, and for good reason. A specific program (like AA) can recognize sobriety from alcohol. It is not Anything Anonymous, it is Alcoholics Anonymous. It teaches life-living principles, but that sobriety from alcohol date is very important.
Thanks for the post. It shows how different people can define sobriety in different terms.