Month: July 2014

Bill Wilson once stated in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) that “we are people who normally would not mix.” But the fact is we usually end up doing just that because of one common thread…all of us have suffered from the hands of addiction. Unfortunately, there are still times though that people seem to forget this. In doing so, they often end up alienating others who could be a wonderful part of their spiritual journey to recovery.

The first time I experienced this was at a former home group in Massachusetts. My original sponsor once told me how important it was to greet not only my fellow home group members, but also especially the newcomers. She told me that greeting each other is what helps us to see that we’re all in this together. She also told me how important it was to take part in the fellowship before and after the meetings, as it too would help us to feel that same way. Sadly, that wasn’t the case in that group. I watched time and time again as other members came in and greeted and socialized with only their friends, while everyone else was completely ignored. During one of the group’s business meetings, I raised this issue as a concern and all it received was a considerable amount of backlash. What I was told was how unreasonable it was to try to greet everyone and that they didn’t have to fellowship with those they didn’t like. I honestly wished Bill Wilson had been present that night, as I don’t think he would have agreed with them.

One of the main points he established in AA that has now spread to all the other 12 Step recovery programs is to create a welcoming atmosphere for everyone, no matter what their background is. Today that includes one’s race, gender, religion, disability, and sexual orientation to name just a few, except there are still those who forget this. What’s even worse is when people’s prejudices of these various backgrounds are brought into the rooms of recovery.

The first home group I became a part of in Toledo where I live now was an example of where this happened. One day we were all reading one of the stories in the back of the Big Book titled Tightrope. It deals with a person who struggled with not only their alcoholism, but also their sexuality. In the end they found recovery and accepted that they were gay. I raised my hand that day and told the group how much I identified with the story as I broke down in tears. It was a triumphant moment in my recovery because I walked through some fears to share about my sexuality so openly. After that meeting, I began to feel as if I had the Black Plague in that group. Many of those group members who I was a friend with prior to that share started keeping their distance from me, and it was later I discovered that was due to their Christian beliefs about homosexuality.

Neither of these situations is how I practice my own spiritual program of recovery today, nor is it what I believe Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith once envisioned for it either. Thankfully my Higher Power has shown me a better way. Although “we are people who normally would not mix”, I see how important it is to always greet and accept each and every individual unconditionally, no matter what their background ever is. We all can truly be an invaluable asset to each other and in doing so, will remain forever united on the road to recovery.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

All addicts seek a high from something. When I was an active love addict, what I sought was the feeling of falling in love. I loved all that gushiness, that ogling, that newness, and that spontaneity that came with it. But if there’s one thing I loved the most about it, it was the highs it created within me when it was happening.

I sought those highs for several decades and unfortunately it turned me into quite a sick sex and love addict, but mostly the latter. Now that I’ve been in my monogamous relationship for the past two and a half years and have settled down, those highs aren’t occurring on a daily basis. Because of that, my recovery from this addiction is currently facing its biggest challenge yet. That’s to continue growing in this relationship instead of running off like I used to do in all my previous ones.

It’s probably best that I set the record straight by stating I love and am still in love with my partner. The frustrating thing about being a love addict though is that I also miss that excitement that came when I was in the process of falling in love. My relationship is now in a new phase, and it’s one of growth. While we might still share those gushy moments and some ogling with each other, our focus isn’t as much on those things anymore. Nor is it on having to be on top of each other all the time either. Instead, I’m learning that being in a healthy long-term relationship means going through this growth period where we can grow closer on a soul level and where we can appreciate the highs when they still occur.

My old addict-based self never liked having only occasional highs after the falling in love period was over. To supplement my disease and this lack of highs, I always had to look at porn, strongly flirt with friends I was attracted to, masturbate regularly with fantasies of others, and spend vast amounts of time on dating websites trying to build potential future partners. I’m happy to say I’m not doing any of these things anymore and I’m seriously grateful to my Higher Power for that. The fact is I don’t want my love addiction to take me away from what I believe really matters and that’s to continuing building this long-term relationship.

No different than how my alcoholism and drug addiction once drove me to seek greater and greater highs, being a love addict also did the very same thing. But in the end, all that ever remained in that greater pursuit of any type of high was being utterly alone in whatever my addiction was. Thankfully, that’s not the case anymore. While I may no longer have those constant highs that came when I was falling in love, I do have something that’s a lot more priceless and that’s the unconditional love my partner and I share for each other now, mind, body, and soul.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

I have been around long enough in the rooms of recovery to see there is really only one underlying reason why a person chooses to go back to their addiction.

They failed to enlarge their spiritual life…

The disease of addiction, especially with alcohol and drugs, is one that must be continuously kept at bay. For years I tried every non-spiritual based solution to keep mine that way, but each of them always landed me right back into my addictions. I was triggered constantly during this time and I had no defense against any of them when they occurred. But I kept right on trying to find my own way to recovery anyway. When the pain got great enough though, I decided to finally give Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and the 12 Steps a whirl.

I had initially balked at the 12 Steps because six of them mentioned “God” so I assumed that AA and the other recovery programs were all just religious based. And I despised religion at the time, which in turn caused me to despise these programs. But soon I discovered that AA and the other 12 Step recoveries were actually spiritual and not religious based. I also found out I could create a Higher Power of my own understanding. And that’s exactly what I did.

Since then, AA and the 12 Steps have led me on a very strong spiritual path and it’s one that I don’t choose to stray from anymore. Each of the times I did though, my ego had gotten the best of me. When that’s happened, I usually abandoned the recovery work, the rooms, and my spirituality. The end result was always a return to my addiction-prone life. That’s not a place I choose to revisit anymore because it’s never been a happy one.

Over the years since immersing myself into my recovery, I have sponsored many individuals. Sadly, I’ve watched many of them struggle as well with the spiritual concept. It’s been just as hard for them to face the idea of turning their will over to some type of a Higher Power to guide them. They frequently have disappeared and gone back to their favorite poison because of this.

I can honestly say I don’t truly understand why enlarging one’s spiritual life keeps the disease of addiction at bay, but it does. It’s the only thing I’ve ever found to work, just as Bill Wilson discovered many decades ago. It’s also the only thing that has ever kept me from succumbing to those triggers that once led me frequently back to any of my former addictions.

I never want to go back to any of my former addictions, so I’m choosing nowadays to continue enlarging my spiritual life, because at least then, I know I will remain on the path of recovery…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson