My father once gave me this analogy about addictions and automobiles. He said that anytime we succumb to any addiction no matter what it is, we become just like an automobile. After suffering from many of my own addictions over the course of my life, I can safely say I now understand the parallel and agree with him.
Automobiles are completely dependent on gas to run, unless it happens to be an electric car, of which it then of course requires electricity to operate. But in the case of my father’s analogy, I’m going to use the ones that run solely on gasoline like my own. When I first acquired my Camry it had a full tank of gas in it. After driving that vehicle for the first week or so, my indicator light came on to let me know it was time for a fill-up. After doing that, I then drove again for a while until that light came back on again. How long I was able to go for until the next one, and all the subsequent others, became totally dependent on they way I was driving and the age of my vehicle. The worse I drove and the older my car got, the more I had to fill up more frequently. Nowadays I’m finding my car, as it continues to age, not only needs a fill-up on more occasions than it ever used to, it’s also starting to require greater repairs and maintenance. Eventually, I know my Camry is not going to work anymore and that I will need to get a new car.
The cycle of addiction is honestly no different than the life path of a vehicle like my Camry, except for the ending. Take one of the former ones I was addicted to for example such as alcohol. I began consuming it one night at the age of 17 and clearly remember how amazing I felt inside. All of my problems seemed to miraculously disappear during those moments I was drinking that night. The next day I was completely hung over though and vowed to never have a drink again. A few weeks would pass where I kept that vow until one evening I was feeling extremely stressed about some of my family’s dysfunctionality. Suddenly I saw a light indicator come on within me for the first time telling me I was near empty and needed a fill-up, in this case with booze. As soon as I put some booze quickly down within me that night, I noticed that light went off. I filled up with quite a bit more of it that night only to wake up the next day with yet another hangover and another vow to not drink again.
More weeks would pass before I ever saw that internal indicator light come back on again, but eventually it did, requiring me to fill up with alcohol once more just to make it disappear. Soon I noticed that indicator light was coming on within me with a lot more frequency and the time in between fill-ups was growing less and less. I also started experiencing health issues around that time such as having trouble breathing, digestive problems, weight gain, and more. Doctor visits became routine, as I began needing my own regular maintenance and repairs for the growing unhealthiness inside me. It was then I started seeing that internal indicator light up on most evenings reminding me it was time for another fill-up. When my body’s normal functions started shutting down completely, that was when I called it quits once and for all and became clean and sober. Unfortunately for some though, alcoholism can lead to the death of their body, except there’s no replacing it like you can when your car dies. I’m very grateful that I never went that far with my alcoholism, or any of my other addictions for that matter.
Thankfully, I don’t feel like I’m an automobile anymore because I do not need any of those constant external fill-ups of some type of an addiction nowadays. My Higher Power is generating that from within me now, and the 12 Steps definitely helped me to get there. I practice them daily and make sure I keep going to those meetings regularly, as this seems to be the only type of routine maintenance I need these days. I’m so glad I found recovery because all addictions are really just like an automobile. They will only lead you over time to needing more and more fill-ups and repairs, until you can’t be filled up or repaired anymore. I truly hope for your sake that you don’t wait until then because there’s no buying a new body, like you can a new car…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson