There is such a divisive line being drawn right now in our country between those who are for gay marriage and those who are not. While I may be biased being in a gay relationship myself, watching the documentary movie titled Bridegroom the other day was a sad reminder of why it really is that important for our entire country to legalize same-sex marriage as soon as possible.
Bridegroom is a movie that came out in 2013 that chronicles the same-sex relationship of Shane Bitney Crone and Thomas “Tom” Lee Bridegroom. The two moved to Los Angeles to escape their individual small hometowns where being gay was never widely accepted. Shane came from Kalispell, Montana, while Tom was from Knox, IN and the two would eventually meet through mutual friends. It didn’t take them long to become an item and fall deeply in love with each other. They were very happy together, which was much to the dismay of Tom’s parents who initially threatened violence against Shane for believing he turned their son gay. Shane’s family on the other hand was far more accepting of their relationship and embraced them with a lot more tenderness.
The two would go on to spend their entire years together traveling much of the globe while filming each of their trips to some of the greatest wonders of the world. It was their goal to see all of them, but sadly they never got to because Tom accidentally fell one day from the top of their apartment building six years into their devoted relationship. As Tom lay in a hospital bed living his final moments in life, Shane was denied access to see his partner because he wasn’t family. When Tom’s mother came after his death, she would go through Shane and Tom’s home taking things without any regard to how Shane might feel. But the hardest of all for Shane was when he was denied the ability to attend Tom’s funeral in Knox and was even threatened all over again with physical violence if he attempted to. Even worse, neither Tom’s obituary nor his funeral would make any mention of Shane at all.
As part of his healing process, Shane decided to document all of these experiences in a YouTube video titled “It Could Happen To You” that garnered so many views it became the catalyst to making the actual movie. And through a Kickstarter campaign that went on to raise $384,375 from over 6,000 people, the film was actually able to come to fruition.
Bridegroom truly stirred my heart because I have known of others who have gone through similar experiences just like Shane and Tom. One friend of mine lost his partner after many loving years together, only to watch his deceased partner’s family take his house and most of his belongings away, which left him almost completely empty-handed and homeless. The two had not been able to marry because it wasn’t legal for them to do so, but if they had been, this would have never been able to happen.
I have to admit that I’ve been fearful at times living here with my partner because my relationship with his family has not been as close as I wish it to be. While they embraced his sexuality long ago, I haven’t fully felt the same of our partnership as of yet. I often wonder what would happen if he lay dying one day in a hospital. Would I be allowed to visit him? And if he were to actually pass away, would I even be allowed to attend his funeral and be listed in his obituary? I also think quite a bit about the home I live in given that it’s in my partner’s name. Would the family try to kick me out of it and even take some of our mutual belongings away if he were to die before me? I can’t answer any of these questions, but I honestly pray that they would be fully supportive of me if a tragedy like that should ever happen to my partner, unlike how Tom Bridegroom’s family was with Shane.
I sincerely hope that my partner and I will live for many more years together so that I never have to find out the answers to any of those questions. In the meantime, I will continue to have faith that gay marriage will one day be legalized everywhere in our country. But until then, my heart goes out to all the same-sex couples of the world that have had to endure discrimination and lack of unconditional love from others just like it was shown so tragically in the story of Shane and Tom in Bridegroom.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson