Month: November 2014

Can you name at least 3 things you love about yourself? This is a question so many I meet have trouble answering. But in all honesty, a few years ago I wouldn’t have been able to answer it either because back then I really wasn’t loving myself much at all, or any part of the life I was living. Thankfully, that’s no longer the case and coming up with at least three things I love about me is actually a good exercise in practicing more self-love.

I find the most important thing I love about myself nowadays is that I’m not engaging in ANY addiction to make myself feel better. Up until the beginning of 2012, I had at least one of them ruling my life on just about every level. What that meant for me was how almost every one of my thoughts, words, and actions were focused on how to feed that addiction. These past two years I’ve forced myself to walk through many bouts of pain and fear without one single addictive numbing agent to curb any of it. While it hasn’t been easy, it has helped me to love myself a lot greater.

The second thing I’m finding I love about myself these days is how I do my best to look for the positive in everything. There were several decades of my life though when that wasn’t true and where my world was only consumed with negativity and stinking thinking. Then, I saw every glass as perpetually half empty instead of half full. And while my life still has plenty of frustrating moments, I am choosing to look at each of them now as spiritual lessons I can grow through rather than a pit of quicksand that’s dragging me under.

The third thing I love about myself today that I think is definitely worth mentioning is how I’m not allowing unacceptable behaviors in my life anymore nor am I allowing anyone to disrespect me either. The reality is that I used to let far too many come into my life and walk all over me. I also used to let way too many use me and abuse me too. I love myself enough now not to allow anyone like this to remain a part of my life at all. Where codependence once ruled my life with vast numbers of these unhealthy individuals, independence and freedom from that bondage have taken their place.

These three things are really but a drop in the bucket of the growing list of things I love about myself these days. Some of the others worth at least mentioning are my devotion to living at a higher vibration, the growing compassion I feel for everyone on the planet, and the respect and care I have for my inner child. It truly seems as if the more I dedicate my life to my Higher Power, the greater things I discover I love about myself. So hopefully after reading this simple exercise in self-love you might take some time now to ask yourself the very same question…

Can you name at least 3 things you love about yourself?

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

What qualities do you look for in a person when dating? What are the things you want to see in a person you hope to eventually have a full-fledged relationship with? These questions often pose great difficulty for many when asked and how each person answers them is usually quite unique. In my case, it took almost 40 years to figure out that my answers to them were directly proportional to where my spirituality was.

When I first met my partner online several years ago, my spirituality had grown enough to recognize that what is inside someone is far more important than what is on the outside. But several decades ago, that was so far from my reality.

Back then when I first became clean and sober from alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes, the only dating quality I actually looked for was in someone’s physical appearance. Not much would alter from that over the course of the next decade with the only exception being that I made sure not to date an active smoker, alcoholic or a drug addict. But qualities such as what one’s spiritual beliefs were, how they treated others, and how they spent their free time didn’t really matter to me mostly because I was so focused on the sexual component of a relationship. What’s interesting to note though is that I didn’t fully know what my own spiritual beliefs were nor did I generally treat others well at all for most of that time. I also spent most of that time period on the Internet looking at porn or at the most risqué pictures of personal ads. So I think it’s completely true when people say that we are only capable of successfully dating those who mirror the qualities we have within our own selves at any moment in time. And for the longest time, that’s solely why my biggest concern and quality sought for in another to go out with was how hot they looked to me.

It wasn’t until 2007 when I began working on my recovery with the 12 Steps did any of the qualities I sought for in a mate change. At first it was a pretty rocky road because my carnal desires consistently seemed to win out. But as time progressed with the spiritual work I did on myself, I noticed the more I became healthier within, the more I looked for healthier qualities within another to date. Thus the more I improved my relationship to my Higher Power, the more I looked for that in a potential partner. The more I began treating people with the love and respect they deserved, the more I looked for that in another as well. And when I finally stopped engaging in sex and love addiction based behaviors, I found I no longer was attracted to those who were still engaging in any of them.

Unfortunately, when I met my current partner online towards the end of 2011, I wasn’t totally free from the grips of my sex and love addiction yet. Ironically, unbeknown to me at the time, neither was he. But as I continued to be diligent on living spiritually and as close to my Higher Power as possible, I freed myself from all of those toxic behaviors and my partner’s indiscretions finally came to light. Since then, the two of us have been walking a much brighter spiritual path together. Nowadays I find the main quality I look for in him rests at a much higher vibration as compared to what I once looked for long ago.

So while I may have been extremely shallow for the longest of time by only focusing in on how someone fit my physical type, the main quality I care most about these days in a person I want to spend my life with is the amount of love and light they emanate from within. I think the only reason why that is comes right on down to the fact that’s what I work the most on within myself as well. I’m grateful that both my partner and I continue to place great importance on this aspect within each of our own selves, as I believe the spiritual success and longevity of our relationship truly depends upon it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

How often in life have you passed on by someone in need asking for help? The following is a short spiritual story I heard long ago that reminded me greatly of something I once used to do solely out of selfishness and ignorance.

“It was a Sunday morning and a very sunny day with not a cloud was in the sky. The attendees of an extremely large congregation began to arrive and head towards the large looming doors of their church’s massive structure. As each walked up its many steps, it was hard not to notice a vey disheveled and filthy homeless man who lay sprawled out on them with hands outstretched. One by one they passed on by this vagrant, many purposely avoiding walking near him at all. Plenty of parents even pulled their children back each time one of them attempted to greet this man in need. A couple of individuals eventually mustered enough courage to say hello but no one had a single bit of change to spare for this poor man. When everyone was finally seated in the great hall of this church, the homeless man walked in and headed straight to the front to sit down amongst the rest of the churchgoers. The ushers swiftly escorted him to the very back of the pews where there he tried to greet the others sitting nearby, which was met only with stares and dirty looks. As the morning announcements began to be read, one of the elders of the church said how excited she was to welcome in the new pastor for the first time. After she spoke his name, everyone rose to offer a warm greeting by their thunderous applause. Suddenly they noticed that soiled and grimy homeless man walking down the aisle again and their smiles quickly turned to angry frowns. “Why is this man ruining such a wonderful event?” could be read over many of their faces. But their angry faces all soon turned to ones of shame and sadness when the man walked up to the podium and introduced himself as their new pastor.”

While there are numerous accounts on the Internet arguing whether this is actually a true story or not, I choose to focus on what I believe to be more important here, which is the moral of the story. How many times have I throughout the course of my life avoided a homeless person for whatever the reason, even when I had some change to spare or a free smile to offer them? How many times did I make a judgment about them believing they were only going to buy some booze with any money I gave them? How many times did I say, “Get a job!” to one of them out of irritation and resentment? The answer to all three is definitely “countless”.

The more I’ve drawn closer to my Higher Power though, whom I choose to call God, the more I’ve seen how selfish and ignorant I once was towards those less fortunate. While I may not always have change or even any cash on me to spare, I do my best now to at least smile and say God bless to any of those who are homeless. In fact, I’ve personally spent time with many in various homeless shelters over the past few years where I’ve spoken my experience, strength, and hope in recovery from addiction.

It’s through those moments where I learned that a homeless person, or anyone else less fortunate for that matter is never beneath me. In fact, each is just as much of beautiful soul and a child of God as I am. Thank God I see that now and do what I can now to treat everyone equally by offering what I have, even if that sometimes is nothing more than a warm and loving greeting.

So the reality I see today anytime I come across a homeless person or someone less fortunate is that any could be one of God’s messengers and if that’s the case, I hope to never pass on by a single one of them ever again.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson