Month: November 2014

Andy’s Gratitude

I tend to think that kids like me are often way more grateful for even the smallest of things as compared to how most adults usually aren’t. And yes, in case you’re wondering, it’s Andy writing again for Andrew today mostly because he’s been a little Mr. Cranky Pants lately. So I decided it would probably be a good thing to talk about some of the gratitude I have, as hopefully that might help improve some of his mood. So…

I’m grateful to God for my eyesight because I’m able to see all the beauty up in the sky and down here on the Earth.

I’m grateful to God for my ears because I’m able to hear all the noises in nature, including the funny ones animals make like my cat Driggs.

I’m grateful to God for my tongue because I love to taste so many weird combinations of foods like peanut butter and bacon sandwiches and blue cheese dressing on just about everything.

I’m grateful to God for Andrew’s partner Chris because he’s a lot of fun to hang around each time he brings out his little kid.

I’m grateful to God for helping Andrew stop all his addictions because he totally listens to me now when I really have a want or need.

I’m grateful to God for people like Bill Murray, Jim Carey, Ellen DeGeneres and even Andrew’s sponsee George because they each have the gift of making people laugh, which is something I kind of think we all need to do a lot more of in life these days.

I’m grateful to God for my arms and hands because I like using them to play jokes on people such as tapping someone on their opposite shoulder, doing bunny ears over their head, making a circular finger gesture just to see if they stare at it, or even just needling them in their side.

I’m grateful to God for Andrew’s spiritual teacher Manin because she actually was the one who led him to spend more time with me in the first place.

I’m grateful to God for creating ice cream and pizza because I love them so much and I think I could probably eat them every day for the rest of my life.

I’m grateful to God for people like Jym Shipman because he spends a lot of time with his little kid too, which I call Jimmy, and he also creates a pretty cool comic strip named “Diamond In The Rough”.

And…

I’m grateful to God for knowing just how much Andrew Arthur Dawson has healed because there’s only a short time left before we’ll finally be back playing basketball, going bowling, hiking and biking, and doing a lot more fun activities with each other.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Do You Forgive, But Not Forget?

Are you one who tends to forgive someone, but not forget? This is something I’ve been facing as of late with my former life in Massachusetts.

My home has been in Toledo, Ohio long enough now that my days of residing there in the surrounding suburbs of Boston seem quite far behind me. But there’s one thing from back there that still seems to keep haunting me and that’s the wreckage I once created there from my former addictions. Lately, that’s come by way of several people no longer wishing to be a regular part of my life that I once considered to be very close recovery friends. With each of them, I was told I was forgiven, but that they were having trouble forgetting.

In cases such as these, I’ve learned in 12 Step recovery programs there’s only one thing I can do and that’s to clear away my side of the street by making my amends. I spent the last two years I lived in Massachusetts doing just this, but as I’m discovering lately, that doesn’t always equate to those we hurt welcoming us back into their lives with open arms.

The fact is I was extremely selfish and self-centered for far too long when I lived in Massachusetts. I’m sure that’s why many of those there who once cared greatly about me, are having trouble forgetting all the negative things I did. Sometimes I start to take the inventory of these people and claim they’re not truly forgiving me. I know that’s not a sign of a healthy recovery program though because as I said already, I’m only meant to repair my side of the street.

Taking a look in the mirror, I must admit there have been many moments throughout my own life where I’ve told someone I forgave them for hurting me but remained resentful inside much longer. There also have been as many moments where I’ve forgiven someone 100% but wasn’t willing to subject myself to the possibility of being hurt again. So whatever the reason why many of my former friends in Massachusetts don’t want to be a regular part of my life anymore is really not what matters. What does matter is that I don’t repeat any of the selfish and self-centered behaviors that got me here in the first place.

Nevertheless, the loss of most of my friendships from Massachusetts is a harsh reminder of the many consequences this disease brings to every pore of our mind and body. Sadly, people often tend to believe that getting clean and sober from whatever their addiction was will miraculously make all their problems go away. Unfortunately, that’s rarely the case as it’s then when most of their problems actually begin to surface. That’s pretty evident to me now with what’s happened to those who I once spent quite a bit of time with back in the Boston vicinity.

It saddens me to think that I don’t have much to show in the way of a bunch of great friendships from my entire time lived in Massachusetts. But hopefully one day some of those I used to consider as very close to me may return. So regardless of whether they ever fully forgive me and forget or not, I know there’s only two things I can keep on doing. One, I must continue clearing away my side of the street and leave the rest in God’s hands. And two, I must remain completely clean and sober from all addictions by consistently practicing the 12 Steps, as only then will the true friendships I seek be able to manifest and last.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

What Is Your Definition Of A True Friend?

What is your definition of a true friend? Lately, I’ve had to completely reevaluate what mine is mostly because I’ve been feeling let down quite a bit by many of those I’ve long considered as one.

After doing a little research on the Internet, I came to the conclusion that there are five main traits I believe are crucial to that which makes up a true friend. They are:

1. Level of Listening

The first principle deals with how present a friend is when communicating with you, whether that’s in person or over the phone. Are they occupying themselves with other things such as watching television, surfing the Internet, or texting someone else? Are they paying attention more to others than you? Are the conversations frequently about them? Do they acknowledge what you talk by actively repeating back some of it when you’re done speaking? Do you find there’s a good balance between them sharing and them listening? Ultimately, a true friend will enjoy listening to you instead of it always being about them.

2. Level of Trustworthiness and Sincerity

The second principle deals with how honest and genuine a friend is when communicating with you. Do they let you know when you’re doing a toxic behavior that’s driving them away? Do they talk about you behind your back in a bad way or a good way? Do they tell you one thing and then do another? Do they give you white lies to make you feel better but you find out later that’s not how they really feel? Ultimately, a true friend will be 100% honest and sincere with you about all things instead of lying and only telling you what you want to hear.

3. Level Of Acceptance

The third principle deals with how much a friend embraces who you really are. Do they allow you to truly be yourself? Or do they try to change various parts of you? Are they constantly telling you to stop doing certain things inherent to your unique personality only because it irks them? Are they negative towards who you are more than not? Do they project their own anger on how you are with any type of regular occurrence? Ultimately, a true friend will fully accept you for who you are, and as I often say, including “warts and all”.

4. Level of Dependability

The fourth principle deals with how reliable a friend is with you. Do you make plans with them only to find them often being cancelled? Do they reschedule if they have to cancel? Do they call you back in a timely fashion or do they take days, weeks, or sometimes never to return your call? Are they there for you when you really need them, especially during a crisis or emergency? Ultimately, a true friend will follow through on the plans they made with you and be there for you when truly need them.

5. Level of Presence

The fifth and final principle deals with how often a friend actually spends time with you. Do they only seem to connect with you through text messages or Facebook? Do they frequently use texting as a mode to respond even when you leave them a voicemail to call you? Do they seem to only make plans with you if you are the one to initiate them? Do they usually tell you they have been too busy to connect with you? Do they always seem to have some excuse or prior plans that prevent them from connecting with you? Ultimately, a true friend will make the time for you with some type of regularity and when they haven’t heard from you in a while, they will reach out to you.

For a very long time I wasn’t really a true friend to anyone because I didn’t practice any of these principles very well at all. But today I can safely say I practice each of them as best as I can every single day. Unfortunately, I see now that many of the people I’ve considered to be a true friend really aren’t because they haven’t been practicing them just like I once didn’t. Hence I’ve been doing some serious housecleaning throughout my life to ascertain who is a true friend and who is not. Thankfully, I’ve identified a few who are and I’m very grateful to my Higher Power for each of them.

My bottom line is this. We all probably refer to many people as our friends, but how much of them are actually a true friend? I realize now I was exerting a tremendous amount of effort to connect with people who honestly weren’t a true friend at all, but I’m ok with that. At least now I know and can define each of them as more of a casual friend or acquaintance. So while these may be the principles I define as to what a true friend is for me, I would like to end this entry by asking the very same of you.

What is your definition of a true friend?

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson