Month: December 2014

Andy’s Woodsy Adventure – Chapter 1

There are two muffins in an oven. One muffin turns to the other muffin and says, “Boy, it’s hot in here.” The other muffin says, “OH MY GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!”

Yup, it’s me again, Andy! How’s it going everyone? Well Doodyhead decided to take another bunch of days off from writing in here again. This time it’s because he’s going to Chicago to see one of his friends (as if he really has any!) who lives there now. Anyways, I’m kind of excited because I get to pick out the thoughts for the day for the next couple of entries instead of Andrew. So I’m going to make sure each are aimed at appreciating kids everywhere just like me.

But in the meantime, what I’d like to do for today’s entry is start telling a story of my own creation. You see, creativity is so important and children often have that stifled by their parents, especially when they have a lot of problems like mine did. That’s why I’m so glad Andrew has allowed me to do things like this in his blog because there were many times in the past when I was more focused on pleasing my parents than being creative. So I hope you like this story that I’m about to begin. But if you don’t, then maybe you’re just a doodyhead too! 🙂

Andy’s Woodsy Adventure – Chapter 1

It was one of those days when I just wanted to be outside. The sky was blue and there weren’t any clouds to be seen. The temperature on the thermometer read close to 70 degrees on this Saturday in early June.

Saturday was normally the only day of the week that I ever got to spend a good bit of time outside behind my house exploring the adjacent woods. I really looked forward to doing this each week because of all the friends I hung out with in there. You see my friends aren’t actually those kids in my neighborhood playing games and riding their bikes around with each other. Those guys generally just make fun of me and tend to think I’m rather strange because I talk to the trees and plants and insects and create my own world out there in the woods. But that’s ok because I don’t think much about them at all once I cross the edge of the grass in my backyard and enter that first row of trees aligning the woods.

My thoughts of those kids quickly evaporated as I raced out my backdoor to begin my weekly adventure, My mother who was busily reading her latest and most likely quite boring romance novel shouted that I needed to be home by 5pm before the door came to a complete close. I quickly glanced down at my red watch that had a lightning bolt in its center to see how much time I had left. It was only 1pm, plenty of time I thought…

It wasn’t long before the sticks from fallen branches were crunching beneath my feet as I entered the darker canopy of the surrounding woods. I immediately headed south towards an area that had become my fort of sorts over time. I guess you could say it was more of a solid structure because it was a gigantic odd-shaped rock I had found sitting there deep in the thick of the woods last year. The rock itself was close to 30 feet high and 100 feet wide and at its base lay the place I did most of my exploring and playing. I always wondered how this huge monstrosity got to be in the middle of a forest all by itself. Sometimes I liked to pretend it housed an alien spacecraft either inside or beneath it and other times I imagined wizards used it long ago. But more than not, I just found ways to create my own fantasy world with the rock being at the center of it.

By the time I reached it, I glanced down at my watch again and saw it was already 1:30. Thankfully, I still had plenty of time to do the task I wanted to take on today. I had brought a small shovel to accomplish it because I wanted to dig directly in front of a section on the rock where there were several strange markings. They had always been there since I had first discovered the large boulder and although I had assumed it was just some graffiti made by a few of those neighborhood kids, I had decided I was still going to pretend I was digging for buried treasure.

I had once watched a bunch of workers a few years ago dig out some holes in my backyard when they built our porch, but I never knew how much work it actually was.

“Phew! This is totally exhausting!” I said aloud as if the birds were listening overhead.

Note to self. Never do a job in life that ever involves digging any huge holes!!!

An hour passed by with me eagerly digging away, which was beginning to take its toll on me since I had yet to find anything interesting at all. I was also covered with dirt from head to toe that I’m sure my mother wasn’t going to be all too happy about. While I had dug considerably deeper than I thought I could, I was about to throw my shovel down in sheer frustration when…

“CLAAAAANNNNGGGGGG”….

The sound rang out all around me making my heart suddenly skip a beat.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

Honest, Open-Minded, And Willing

Sometimes I really wish I could go back in time to June 10th, 1995, when I took my last drink and drug, and relive my life from that point forward. Because if I could, there is one thing I know I’d do different. I’d fully work on my recovery in AA by going through those 12 Steps being completely honest, open-minded and willing.

Unfortunately I didn’t have any of those qualities within me when I first got clean and sober. And in all actuality, most people don’t when they first seek recovery from their addiction. But sadly, my pride and ego scoffed at AA and those 12 Steps, which were precisely where I could have discovered each of those things. Instead, I had a better than attitude and walked away from something that took me another 16 years of misery to totally realize my mistake.

And it was definitely an egregious mistake…

I lost plenty of jobs, wasted incredible amounts of money, fell into a number of other addictions, and hurt far too many people who loved me unconditionally due to that dark path I chose. I also grew spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically sick because of that decision as well. The ONLY good thing that came out of those 16 years was all the research I did going down one dead-end road after another. Because it’s those roads that helped me to finally figure out the solution to all of my misery in life was what I had passed over in the summer of 1995.

Since finding AA and those 12 Steps and immersing myself 100% in them, I’ve become more selfless than selfish, more giving than taking, and more focused on helping others rather than myself. But the most important thing I’ve become is completely honest, open-minded, and willing to do whatever it takes to serve my Higher Power’s will and not my own. I just wish I hadn’t shaved 16 years off of my life to reach this point, but I did.

But maybe this was God’s plan from the beginning. Maybe I was meant to explore all those dark places to remind everyone at those podiums and at those meetings of the only solution that truly works. Because as far as I’m concerned, the only solution that has ever worked for me in achieving a life of recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction, and any other addiction for that matter is thoroughly living the 12 Steps every moment of my life.

So while I may not ever be able to go back in time to change my decision that avoided AA and the 12 Steps more than not for close to 16 years, I sure do plan on staying on this path now for the rest of my life one day at a time. Because I know in doing so, that I will remain completely honest, open-minded, and willing to live a life of recovery and spirituality, as they are the only two things that ever succeeded in bringing me out of the darkness and into the light.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

All Anyone Has In Recovery Is Today…

I used to be so full of ego-based pride due to the number of years I had been clean and sober from alcohol and drugs. But that all changed a couple of years ago when I almost picked them both back up again, and it was then I realized what I had heard quite often in many 12 Step meetings was actually true. It really doesn’t matter how many days any of us has free from alcohol and drugs (or any other substance of an addiction).

14 years was the exact amount of time I had under my belt clean and sober from alcohol and drugs when I found myself holding a Coors light bottle of beer in my hand and thought about drinking it. 15 years was the amount of time I had under my belt clean and sober from alcohol and drugs when I found myself considering whether to take some Percocet’s and magic mushrooms.

In each of those cases when they occurred, I had slid away from those simple things in recovery that worked hard to keep me clean and sober one day at a time. Going to meeting regularly, having a sponsor and reaching out to them with total honesty, helping newcomers, getting active in a home group, and connecting to my Higher Power were all those things I’m speaking of. I had assumed that my long years of sobriety were enough to keep me away from ever relapsing.

The slippery slope my ego led me on landed me in two different connections with people who were grossly unhealthy for my recovery and my spirituality. One was a chronic relapser with alcohol, while the other was that with drugs. In both cases, it was my sex conduct that led me into those connections and the more I spent time with either of them, the more I drew away from my life of recovery. And the more I drew away from my life of recovery, the more the number of days I had clean and sober ceased to matter.

I consider myself lucky that I never did drink that bottle of beer or take those drugs. Actually I take that back. I give that credit to my Higher Power because my will would have gone through with both. To prevent this from ever happening again, I no longer spend time around unhealthy individuals that are still actively engaging in any addiction because I know it will only steer me straight towards a relapse no matter how many days of sobriety I garner under my belt.

While I may have over 19 years of sobriety now from alcohol and drugs, what I really only have is today. Because regardless of how many years any of us have clean and sober, it’s that easy to slide right back into a relapse. Thus I choose to stay extremely active in my recovery nowadays. And ironically, if I don’t get my butt in gear, I’m going to be late for my home group. So if you can remember one thing, it’s this. All anyone has in recovery from any addiction is today.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson