Month: August 2019

Silly Joke #1

One day a fella was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter’s birthday and *shock* he hadn’t bought her anything. Out of the corner of his eye he notices a shopping mall. Knowing that it was ‘now or never’, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of the shop assistant. When asked what he’d like, he simply says: “a Barbie Doll”. The shop assistant looks at him in a condescending manner and asks, “So Sir, which Barbie would that be?” The man looks surprised so the assistant continues, “We have Barbie Goes To the Ball at $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced Barbie at $249.99.” The man can’t help himself and asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie $249.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99?!!” “Well Sir, that’s quite obvious!” says the assistant, “Divorced Barbie also comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s sports car, Ken’s furniture, Ken’s entertainment system, Ken’s workout equipment, Ken’s pool table and well, pretty much anything Ken has ever owned…”

Silly Joke #2

There once was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate. Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately, she was wrong and she dropped like a rock, and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead! So, what’s the moral of this story? Never fly off the handle when you know you’re full of shi*t.

Silly Joke #3

A preacher was completing a fiery temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” He then abruptly sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us now sing Hymn # 365: “Shall We Gather at the River.”

Bonus Joke (Credit goes to my friend George C.)

Do you think that at the 12 Step recovery meetings for Arson’s Anonymous that they still ask at the end of each meeting if anyone has a burning desire?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson