Silly Joke #1
“Class, there are two words I don’t allow in here. One is ‘gross’ and the other is ‘cool'” said the 1st grade teacher to her new class for the school year. There was then a very noticeable silence with all the kids looking at each other when suddenly little Johnny raised his hand and said “Well, are you at least going to tell us what the gross word is and what the cool word is so we don’t ever say them?!”
Silly Joke #2
An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?” The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “He says you were speeding!” The patrolman says, “May I see your license?” The woman turns to her husband and asks again, “What did he say?” The old man yells again, “He wants to see your license!” The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on this blind date with the most annoying woman ever. Man, I don’t think I’ll ever forget her!” The woman turned to her husband again and asks, “What did he say?” And the old man yells once more, “He said he knows you!!!”
Silly Joke #3
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that’s parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction seems to have worked out very nicely for you, but we’re a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?” The woman responded, “Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car safely for two weeks and for only fifteen bucks?!”
Bonus Silly Joke
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.” Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.” The customer gave him a really puzzled look and then walked away. The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something! If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way! Now, what was it she wanted?” The clerk answered, “Snow.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson
