Month: October 2022

The Biggest Challenge Of My Life These Days Is…

I think the biggest challenge in my life these days is keeping my heart open, especially when much of the world around me seems to not be doing so and instead chooses to lash out more than not from their hardened hearts.

I have spent decades working on opening a heart that got trampled upon and abandoned by one person after another for the majority of my life. I could write an entire novel on this, where each tragedy added layer upon layer surrounding my heart, making it become almost impenetrable at times. I’m thankful though this isn’t the case for me anymore because of all the work I’ve done around this. But active addicts who aren’t in 12 Step recovery usually have hearts that are almost entirely closed, something that tends to leave them in varying states of anger and rage.

One of the main goals of recovering addicts is to drop all the layers surrounding the heart that get piled on as the disease gets worse, and that often is a very scary thing to do. Much of the reason why an addict picks up alcohol and drugs or some other addiction in the first place is to numb themselves from the pains that life has served them. I can attest, as I spent decades perfecting the art of remaining numb by closing my heart off with one addiction after another, making my heart become a very heavy mass indeed.

Over the past decade, I have successfully been able to shed one layer after another surrounding my heart, thanks to my 12 Step recovery and my spiritual work on myself. But there are times I honestly struggle with it, especially when hatred, spitefulness, resentment, and the like is thrown my way, things I find hard to deflect and not feel when it happens. On a recent trip back to my fraternity, I felt that very thing from an active brother I didn’t know well at all, and it caused me to immediately shut down. I began to go to anger, as I sought to place a layer back around my heart not wanting to feel the pain of someone else’s hatred of me, one I know I didn’t deserve. While I knew it wasn’t about me, it was still hard to deal with. I’m thankful though that I was able to work through that anger quite quickly and find forgiveness due to the help of another brother I was there to connect with further. They assisted me that night to get me back into my heart, and into my tears, something that was able to lead to forgiveness, leaving my heart open.

While I know that having an open heart leads me often to feelings things that hurt, so much so that I shed a lot of tears, I believe it’s much better to remain this way. What I’ve come to learn on my 12 Step journey is that addicts who choose to live with hard and heavy hearts, always end up descending further and further into addiction, adding layer upon layer around their heart, leaving them in a vicious cycle of addiction that never goes anywhere but down. It may be the biggest challenge of my life these days to keep my heart open, but in the long run, I see in doing so the rewards far outweigh the costs, especially when I continue to remain clean and sober day in and day out, year after year.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. “Certainly madam,” he replied courteously. “Is the restaurant open still?” inquired Mary. “Sorry, no,” came the reply, “but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?” Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. “Hmm, the cauliflower and cheese special sounds interesting, I’ll have that,” said Mary. “Certainly, madam,” he replied. “And can I have breakfast in bed?” asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. “In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please,” Mary mused. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk. “Morning madam…sleep well?”” Yes, thank you,” Mary replied. “Was all the food to your liking?” “Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese special was exceptional! But the eggs, though….they really weren’t that good at all,” replied Mary truthfully. “Oh…well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion,” said the receptionist. “OK, I will…thanks!” replied Mary….who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written which was oddly just one word…“Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!”

Silly Joke #2

A young couple decided to invite their very aged pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked Little Johnny in the other room, always known for saying the most inappropriate of things, what they were having to eat that night. “Goat,” Little Johnny replied. “Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth, “Are you sure about that?” “Yep,” said Little Johnny. “Dad told Mom yesterday that we really needed to have that old goat for dinner before it was too late, except I’m not too sure what they meant by before it was too late?”

Silly Joke #3

Therapist: “So why do you want to end your marriage?”
Wife: “Because I really hate all his constant star wars puns.”
Husband: “Divorce is strong with this one!”
Wife: “See what I mean!!!”
Therapist: “Yes. Wise one, you are. But I sense the dark side growing in you…”

Bonus Silly Joke

A handsome man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away suddenly noticed that the man had slid down his chair and under the table while the woman he was with acted unconcerned. The waitress thought something seriously inappropriate was about to happen in her restaurant as she watched the woman remain appeared calm and unruffled. After the waitress finished taking another order, she went over to the table and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but this is a classy establishment and I think your husband needs to stop doing something inappropriate under there. The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “Well I guess if my husband walking in the restaurant door just now is inappropriate, then I guess you’re right?”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Today’s quotes are ones that spoke to me surrounding friendships and principles of them that I’ve come to learn along the way…

“A friendship that can end, never really began.” (Publilus Syrus)

“It’s really amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it’s really sad when the best of friends become two strangers.” (Unknown)

“Taking friendships for granted is one of the surest ways of ending them. Unless nourished, they tend to wither and die. Unless we earnestly desire its continuance we should never start a friendship any more than we would a love affair.” (Alice Hegan Rice)

“If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.” (Unknown)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson