Month: March 2014

A 10th Step Vacation Awareness

In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill Wilson states that the root of all one’s addiction troubles is selfishness and self-centeredness. In many religions, including Christianity, Buddhism, and Hinduism, those traits are incompatible within oneself, if they desire to walk a spiritually based life. The more that I’ve done my absolute best to walk on that path, the more I have been able to see when any of my behaviors are still exhibiting those traits. In the 12-Step recovery world, the 10th Step is a tool I use regularly to identify those times. One such occasion actually occurred during my recent vacation with my partner.

I’ve always tried to take an annual vacation in the Caribbean or somewhere else that’s warm during the cold winter months. Living in those Northern states where the winters can get quite harsh drives me to the need for a reprieve from it for at least a week or two every single year. With the exception of maybe a few years, I’ve been doing this annual migration south for the past decade. Now that I have partner in my life, I’ve been able to go on them with someone I deeply care about and love.

When I took last year’s vacation with my partner, I made a decision that I didn’t put much thought towards. I decided to fly down a few days ahead of him to the island of Puerto Rico and stay at a resort all by myself. I justified my action with the attitude that I could do it because I wasn’t tied down to a job or school like he was. When last year’s entire vacation was over, my partner told to me it would have been nice to begin and end the vacation together. Those were wise words that I failed to heed.

When 2014 rolled around and it came time to take my vacation again, I had already made a decision to go on it a few days earlier than my partner once again. I said I was going to use that time to get to some recovery meetings and spend some time with myself. My partner asked me to reconsider multiple times and yet I didn’t listen. When one of my sponsees asked me on several different occasions before I left why I was going on this vacation alone for a few days when I had a partner, it began to sit uncomfortably within me. I’ve learned in my life that when something does this, that there must be a lesson within it. And indeed there was.

Those first few days on my vacation this year were eye opening for me. I didn’t feel very well throughout most of them on so many levels. It ended up completely slowing me down to the point where I was forced to reflect on how my decision to start my vacation early was somewhat selfish and self-centered. I realized that the downfall of many of my past relationships was based upon decisions like that one.

In all of my previous relationships, including even my friends, I generally thought most about me first, and them second. With my current partner, he and I are only afforded the luxury of taking one extended vacation per year. With that being said, I realized in all those moments I wasn’t feeling well that I lost the chance to fly out with him and mutually experience the excitement of getting to somewhere warm. I realized I missed out on several moments that could have connected the two of us even closer and in a spiritual way. But most importantly, I utilized the 10th Step from my recovery in those moments by taking a personal inventory. And that’s when I realized I was wrong in my decision to travel on that vacation alone for a few days.

As the 10th Step indicates, when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it. And I did just this the day before my partner was to arrive at the airport. I contacted him and told him that my decision had been selfish and self-centered. I also made him a promise that I would not repeat that action again for the vacation we would take next year. After our conversation, it actually felt as if a burden was lifted off of my chest. I became more relaxed and started feeling much better. When my partner arrived the very next day, it was a night and day difference in how I felt from those first few days when I spent them alone taking care of my selfishness.

The moral of this story is quite simple. Each and every day all of us in this world, whether we are in recovery or not, have the ability to reflect back on all the things we did during that day. While some of our actions may have been truly selfless and inspiring, many were still laden with selfishness and self-centeredness. For those in recovery and those trying to walk a Higher Ground, those traits are poison and can lead us back into addiction-like behaviors and darkness. Thankfully, my relationship with my Higher Power helped me to see one of those times. And hopefully, it can help all of you see yours as well, so that we may all be on the path together towards spiritual enlightenment and unconditional love.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Taking A Vacation From Recovery?

There once was a time when I didn’t understand what recovery from addictions was all about. In fact, what I thought about for most of my earlier sober years was everything but what I know to be recovery today. By the time I discovered the healing power of 12-Step recovery for all of my former addictions, there were many behaviors and attitudes that were severely ingrained within me. One of those was the idea that I could take a break from my recovery work when I went on vacation. Thankfully, I’ve learned in the last few years how far that is from the truth.

Being on vacation for a person in recovery is slightly different than for an average individual who doesn’t suffer from addiction-prone behavior. For them, a vacation is where they do their best to take a reprieve from life for a short while. During this time they will try to tune out the world by shutting off their phones and avoiding reading their e-mails. They might go so far as tuning out the news and other media as well. For the longest time, I did both of those, except I took it a step further. I also avoided going to any 12-Step meetings and I stopped talking to my sponsor or any of my sponsees as well during this time. Essentially, I made the decision that I was also going to take a vacation from my recovery. Ultimately, what I found in doing so is that it led me on a direct path back into selfishness, self-centeredness, and eventually my addictions.

You see, a person in recovery goes to meetings and talks to sponsors and works with sponsees on a daily basis to keep their disease of addiction at bay. Too many, like I once did, often fall into the illusion that once they discover recovery, that their disease is licked. But the more they drop away from what works, the more they see their character defects and addiction-like behavior return. And the longer they stay away from doing their recovery, the more they get closer to a relapse back into any one of those addictions they once suffered from.

For most of the vacations I took up until just a few years ago, I didn’t understand this principle. I went on each of them for several weeks and avoided doing those simple things I learned in recovery were critical for me to stay healthy on a daily basis. By the end of those vacations, I always found myself being more rude, negative, disrespectful, condescending, and miserable. In addiction, I would usually relapse into many of my smaller addictions such as caffeine or shopping to make myself feel better. Except it never did.

Today, I do things very differently when I’m on vacation. In fact, over the few weeks I got away this month, I kept in regular contact with all of my sponsees each and every day. In addition, I went to an AA meeting eight out of the fourteen days I was away. And lastly, I reached out to my sponsor and had several long conversations with her on quite a number of those days. What this translated into was exactly what I’ve learned through my recovery work. I was able to keep all of my addictions at bay, I was able to stay in relatively positive spirits, and I returned home when it was done with a determined spirit to keep my recovery work going. That’s a far cry to how it used to be when I struggled to get back into my recovery work or even get to a single meeting after taking a break from all of it for several weeks.

You see, I’m not like a regular person in this world who might be able to go on vacation and just pamper themselves the entire time. I’ve learned now that I must be vigilant in my recovery, even during those times when I go away on any break. In doing so, it keeps my focus on staying clean and sober and even more importantly, I find it helps me to continue serving my Higher Power and live in my greatest highest good.

So if you happen to be someone who is a recovering addict of any kind, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and make sure you at least get yourself to a few meetings the next time you find yourself on a vacation. Don’t cut yourself off from any of what has been working for you and you might just find that your recovery becomes even stronger by the time you return home.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

When A Dream Isn’t Just A Dream…

Sometimes a dream isn’t just a dream. Sure there are dreams that arise out of what might have transpired just before going to bed. And of course there are those that are based upon the worries going on in one’s brain. But there’s a type of dream that many people don’t realize can help each of us in our own spiritual journey. It’s the one where our soul attempts to communicate guidance and direction from our Higher Power.

My spiritual teacher told me a long time ago that I could pray for guidance and direction before going to bed at night and that the answer could come in my dreams. At first I didn’t believe her, but when I starting getting extremely vivid dreams that provided me just that, I stopped doubting in it. Lately, there are times that I’ve been very frustrated about my healing process and how long things seem to be taking to resolve themselves from within me. So I asked one night in prayer to my Higher Power why things couldn’t be fast forwarded to the end of these pain cycles I’ve been going through, for it seems to be taking an eternity to get there.

During that night as I slept, I had the most vivid dream that I knew upon waking it was my Higher Power’s answer to that prayer. In it, I was driving in a car along a road when I came upon some raging waters that had flooded it directly ahead. Off in the distance I saw a man driving a truck that came off a side road and barreled straight into that water. As he attempted to traverse it going against the current, the level of the water slowly rose higher and higher until the truck became completely engulfed by it. Suddenly it tipped over and was taken away by the swift current, while the man was ejected out of the truck and swept away as well. The dream ended with me searching patiently for an alternative road that wasn’t covered with those flooded waters.

I know many might argue that this was just some random dream being pieced together by tidbits of thoughts and subconscious ideas. But I’ve come to understand that when a dream sticks in my head so strongly upon waking and doesn’t disappear over the course of days or even weeks, that it’s coming from something much greater.

In the case of this dream, through more prayer and reflection, I realized that it truly was the answer to my prayer that night. The truck was my human vessel and the man was my soul within my vessel. The action of him barreling into that water to get to the other side of it was really showing me what would happen if I were to be fast-forwarded to the end of what I’ve been going through. In the end, the truck being swept away, with the man being ejected from it was symbolic that my vessel couldn’t make it through that action.

To a general onlooker, you may think I’m crazy in my interpretation. But the closer I’ve grown to my Higher Power, the more I realize that my Higher Power is attempting to communicate to me all the time. In my waking state, there’s often a tremendous amount of interference running rampant that blocks those messages. But during meditation or sleep, it’s a much clearer channel to receive those messages. Although I would love to get an extremely direct answer that doesn’t come through various images and metaphors, I’ve come to accept that this is just the way the communication is sometimes. And while my dream might not have given me a lot of details as to why I’m still dealing with so many health-related burdens, it did give me an answer that helped me come to some level of acceptance with all of it.

So if you are truly seeking guidance for something in life and are getting frustrated that no direction has come, I encourage you to take a moment, breathe, and try praying for the answer to come in your dreams before going to bed. And when you have a dream that you remember upon waking that is crystal clear, know that it’s probably the answer coming from your Higher Power. While it might not be the one you really want, it’s the one that’s meant for your greatest highest good. So trust in it, and know that your Higher Power is always with you, is always listening to your prayers, and giving you the guidance you need to stay on your spiritual path to the Light.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson