When people talk about the 8th Step in the 12 Step recovery world, it frequently brings up more of a discussion on making an amends, then on what this step literarily requires. As written, the 8th Step states:
“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.”
As you can see in the wording of this step, it doesn’t require a person to make an actual amends at all. It only asks to make a list and be willing to do those amends later in the 9th Step. There’s a good reason why these two actions are separated out. Usually there’s a lot of fear that can come up for a person in recovery when they ponder all the people they harmed along the way during their active addiction days. Writing down a list of each of them is going to be tough enough and an ego-bruiser, so a person generally needs some time before proceeding on to making any of those amends.
Speaking of one’s ego, it’s very important to not allow it to drive the work on this step either. If it gets in charge, it often tries to rationalize who is put down on that list. It will drive a person to assume that a person who is no longer alive or cannot be found is not important for this step. It can also convince an individual that the harm done for some things is long ago and probably long forgotten. In either case, these ego actions will lead a person to the exact opposite of what this step is trying to achieve. Instead, the ego ends up creating a scanty list of easy amends. But the truth is that amends aren’t always easy, in fact, they frequently can be quite difficult. Thus, the reason why the only actions on this step are to simply write a list, and then be willing to make the amends sometime later.
It may help a person when doing this step to separate out their list into three different columns. The first being the amends they are willing to make right now. The second being the amends they are willing to make in the near future. And the third, being the amends that are the most difficult and might require a person to pray for more courage to write them down.
When I did my second 8th Step, I prayed to my Higher Power for the courage to remember all those I had harmed. When the answers came, I didn’t hold back from writing down anyone or anything and I realized how easy it is to forget about those I had harmed. Many of them were still there below my normal levels of consciousness; I just had to ask for the guidance and direction to see them. That wasn’t the case though when I did my first 8th Step. At that point in time, I was still running on more of my self-will versus my Higher Power’s will. My ego was a lot more in charge and substitute addictions still ruled a good portion of my life. Thus the list I produced was not in alignment will the second portion of the 8th Step, on “being willing to make amends to them all.” Thankfully, that wasn’t the case though in my second go around of this step.
All of what I’ve just mentioned are only suggestions for you when you get to working on the 8th Step. Just know if you happen to be there already; please don’t allow your ego to tell you how to do complete it. Pray instead for the courage and direction to do the work, as it will guide you to having much more thorough results. Know that while it may bring up a lot of fear as you do so, you only have to make a list and becoming willing to make each of those amends sometime later. And remembering that will make this step so much easier…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson