Sometimes I find it very hard to want to keep going. I’m sure a lot of that has to do with my physical pain levels that I’m still waiting on my Higher Power to heal. But I also believe that feeling is closely connected to the both of my parents, as their lives got cut short due to their own actions. Having endured my father’s suicide and my mother’s drunken and deadly fall down the stairs, there are times when I think it would be easier to check out early just like they did. Thankfully though, my Higher Power continues to put people in my life who give me enough inspiration that helps me to keep going, even when I want to cash in all of my chips.
The first of those inspirations is actually my sister, as she too went through the very same experiences I did in our dysfunctional family. Over the years, I’ve watched her grow through so many trials and tribulations. Today she has three wonderful children, and I see the unconditional love she offers them. Even when her difficult days closely mirror some of my own, her only thought is to keep going because of them and that alone is what helps me to keep going when I don’t think I can anymore.
My spiritual teacher Manin is the second of those inspirations. I often like to think of her as my surrogate mother, as she cares for me just like a loving mother might. For many years now, she’s guided me through quite a number of my own trials and tribulations, never once giving up on me. No matter how much I’ve ever talked her ear off about wanting to give up and sounding like a broken record, she always found a way to get through to me and convince me to keep going.
A third inspiration comes from a close friend of mine whom I once dated. Not too long ago, he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s after just completing a long journey of losing an incredible amount of weight. Instead of letting his diagnosis shut him down, he has continued to be just as active as ever, running marathons, helping others, and even directing theater. Even better, on days when I really have needed a lift, somehow I always seem to receive some encouraging words from him through e-mails or comments on my blog. Each of these things are also part of what helps me to keep going on the days I think about giving up.
My partner is one more person I’d like to mention whom I also find inspiration in. Somehow he always musters enough stamina in life to bite through any of his own pains and still perform his daily obligations with work and at home. I admire that courage and strength he demonstrates regularly and it’s that too, which helps me keep going on days when I think about checking out.
There are so many others who also inspire me enough in life to help me keep going. From the sponsees I work with, to those I meet in recovery meetings, to the disabled people I see everyday who are smiling and happy, to all the people of this world who are trying just like me to be a much better person and live more closely to their Higher Power, I am inspired on a daily basis by so many who help me to keep on trudging forward when I start thinking I can’t anymore.
So I want to thank all of you for helping to inspire me, especially on days like the past few. Whether you know it or not, each of you has helped me to keep going and been a wonderful blessing from my Higher Power. I truly don’t want to give up and check out of life like my parent’s did and it’s because of people like you that I’m still here. Thank you for that from the bottom of my heart and God bless.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson