I went to a recovery meeting today and watched as a woman poured out her heart about her abusive husband and how she feels completely unattractive and unloved. Listening to her words reminded me so much of how I once felt in many of my past relationships. As this woman proceeded to cry and say she didn’t know what to do anymore, my first thought was wondering why she hasn’t ended that relationship. But then I remembered how I too once remained in several toxic ones for years until I got to the source of why I was even in them in the first place.
The first relationship I ever had to anyone in my life that was quite similar to what this woman described was with my mother. Today, I unconditionally love my mother, but for the longest time I didn’t. Growing up, I never felt like I could do anything right around her. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough so I constantly strived to do better and reach perfection hoping that would make her happy. It never did.
As I proceeded into my adult years, I dated or became friends with many people who basically were just like my mother. This caused me to get into many arguments with each of those individuals, but what I never realized back then was how much that was due to the fierce anger and resentments I was holding onto inside with my mother.
So each time I would scream and yell, or cry and feel depressed over how I was being treated in any of those former relationships, it was really about my mother and never about them. When I finally began working on letting all of the sick parts of my mother go from within me, I was able to see that. But something even better started happening because of that internal work. I began to let go of all of the toxic people in my life who were only mirrors of my mother. In other words, the more I let the pain go surrounding my mother’s abuse, the stronger I got in my life. And the stronger I got in life, the more I was able to say goodbye to all those individuals who were unhealthy just like my mother.
I don’t allow any abusive people to come into my life anymore nor do I harbor anger or resentments anymore towards my mother either. I’m also able to see the spiritual sickness now that abusive people have inside them like my mother once did. This helps me to have a lot more compassion now for people like them because of it. But all of this has helped me to have compassion for something else as well.
Whenever I see someone allowing any type of abuse in their life these days, like that woman in my recovery meeting today, my heart truly feels for them. I do always wonder though who originally abused them when they were a young kid and can only hope that they too one day will find healing from it.
No one deserves to be abused in life and sadly, abuse often leads people to feel unattractive and unloved. The only way to overcome this is to get to the source of where this pattern of allowing abuse originally began. Once it’s identified, the process of healing from it can begin. Eventually, when enough love, forgiveness, and peace is able to surround that original abuse, it’s a safe bet to say that one will never allow abuse in their life again…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson