Hopefully no one reading this has the first names of Nancy or Gus, but if you do, this article really isn’t about you. It’s about how I spent several decades of my life with two very distinct personalities, “Negative Nancy” and ‘Gloomy Gus”. In all essence, they truly were my best friends for all that time. That was until I finally saw how they did nothing more for me than drive people away and hinder my spiritual growth.
I believe we all learn how to be a certain way because of conditions and situations that carry on around us. In my case, growing up in a dysfunctional home where my mother and father always seemed to be negative and gloomy, it’s a safe bet to say I learned it from them. But why would anyone want to be this way you might ask? It’s pretty simple.
It initially will draw favorable attention and comfort from others.
Neither of my parents received the unconditional love and support from their parents, which they deserved when they themselves were growing up. By the time they reached adulthood and met each other, alcohol further complicated and numbed that reality. I can remember many moments where my mother would resort to that insecure little girl within her who desperately wanted to be loved and have all attention on her. Being negative and gloomy were the two main ways she was able to achieve that, as my father, sister, or myself would comfort her when she became that way. It was no different with my father either. He would go through many periods where he became the same exact way and my mother, my sister or myself would bring him the reassurance his insecure little boy sought. Sadly, being around this repeatedly for all those years and seeing how it gave my parents some benefit, “Negative Nancy” and “Gloomy Gus” got passed down to me.
I began to notice these two best friends were in my life through many of the friendships I drew in over the years as I matured. They say that those closest to us are often mirror projections of whom we really are inside. In almost every single case, every friend I spent the most time around carried that same rain cloud over them just like I did. Unfortunately, all those friendships ever did was foster codependent behaviors. It often became a battle of whose insecurity was greater, and whoever won did the comforting for the other’s negativity and gloom.
My addiction-prone life, the tragic loss of my parents, and various health-related issues, would only complicate and strengthen my belief that I needed “Negative Nancy” and “Gloomy Gus” to survive in this world. As they continued to give me the attention and comfort my own insecure little boy sought, I never understood why so many left my life after such a short period of time of being in it. That was until I realized how much my negativity and gloom sucked the life force out of those I was around, out of the rooms I was in, and out of the brightness that existed everywhere I went. Eventually anti-depressants and mental health medical diagnoses became part of what supported Nancy and Gus.
All of this accumulated until I spent four close years with someone who was the exact mirror projection of myself. I saw “Negative Nancy” and “Gloomy Gus” day in and day out in them. I attacked them repeatedly because of it, never realizing I was the same exact way. It wasn’t until I became willing to look in the mirror and see who I had become (my parents), did any of that change.
Through immersion into 12 Step recoveries, I drew closer to my Higher Power who helped me to finally see this within myself. I finally understood how this was a huge character defect within me that had supported me for so long. Over the past two and a half years, it’s been a huge undertaking to fully remove this defect of character.
I’m a lot better today because of the work I’ve put into letting go of “Negative Nancy” and “Gloomy Gus”. They are showing their faces less and less within me because I know now they will do nothing more for me than keep me spiritually frozen and alone. Thankfully, I find people being drawn into my life now, not because I’m being negative or gloomy, but because my Higher Power is transforming me into a spiritual beacon of complete love and light…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson