“…if we are willing to receive that grace of God which can sustain and strengthen us in any catastrophe.” (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 113)
Recovery from addictions isn’t a constant walk in the park. There will be many trials and tribulations along the way on everyone’s journey to recovery. The real question is how does one remain clean and sober when they occur? The answer’s simple, and Bill Wilson put it quite nicely when he said that all we need is the grace of God, as that can guide us through anything.
I can attest to Bill’s words as I just went through a week filled with several extremely difficult calamities. Over the course of just a few days last week, my sponsor passed away, one of my teacher’s students was accidentally shot and killed, and my youngest sponsees overdosed and died. Prior to fully living a 12 Step based life, my solution to handle any one of these would have been to succumb to some type of an addiction. Whether that was engaging in sex or porn, getting drunk, getting high, gambling, over-caffeinating, or binge shopping, it didn’t really matter as long as it would numb my pain. It took me a long time to desire a life where I didn’t want to numb myself. But it took me even longer to realize that the only thing I truly needed to get through any those was God. Working the 12 Steps began to show me this.
At first I fought the 12 Step process and kept a lot of my self-will. All that did was continue to drive me right back into my addictions when those misfortunes would happen. Hanging around the meeting rooms long enough helped to change that though and soon I started seeing many people who were navigating through all of life’s ups and downs just fine. The common denominator amongst all of them was to fully lean upon their Higher Power. I was initially clueless on what it truly meant to fully lean upon one’s Higher Power. Over time though, I was taught that it meant several things.
It meant a lot of praying.
It meant reaching out and helping others.
It meant attending more meetings.
And it meant asking for help and not trying to do it alone.
This past week, I did each of those things. I vigilantly prayed to stay clean and sober and sent my love to all those who were affected by these tragic deaths. I continued to reach out and help my other sponsees and even started the process of taking on someone new. I went to a few more meetings as well, and at each of them, I spoke about what I was going through. I even spent some extra time before and after those meetings to connect a little deeper with sober individuals.
Through all of it, I didn’t relapse on ANY of my addictions and trust me I would have in the past. I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree now with Bill Wilson’s words because time and time again, the only thing that has completely sustained and strengthened me in all of life’s catastrophes has been my relationship with God. I’m so thankful for that, and for the fact that I don’t need to numb myself anymore when any of life’s trials and tribulations comes my way, just like they did last week…
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson