A Guilt-Laden Trip That Was Never Meant To Be…

Have you ever guilted someone into doing something you wanted only to see it not work out for you in the long run? I often wonder when this happens if its karma playing itself out. Regardless, I did this very thing recently and it ended with me having to make an amends over it.

It all started back in the early spring when I suggested to a long-standing friend from my college days to come visit me. When he initially expressed his concerns about his finances and the distance to come see me, I resorted to an old behavior and began giving him guilt trips. Sadly, I allowed the resurface of this old toxic conduct to last over the course of several months with him. Every time we spoke over the phone, I’d cite out plenty of ways how he could and should make the trip happen. Even worse, I also shamed him several times by mentioning all the other trips he planned on taking this year and how all he needed to do was sacrifice just one of them to come to see me. At some point heading into the early part of the summer, he eventually caved in and agreed to come for Labor Day weekend.

As the summer began to pass by after that, I didn’t dwell much anymore on this, other than when he’d mention he was looking for flights to come see me rather than driving the 7 to 8 hours. Unfortunately, when August rolled around, so did a huge rise to my ongoing struggles with pain. With it also came less of a desire to see my friend, knowing I wouldn’t be much for a good host or company. But, I decided to hold off from postponing his trip, hoping things might be better by the time he was to come.

Then came his phone call one afternoon last week where he said he had booked a plane ride to come see me that holiday weekend, as he decided he didn’t want to drive that long of a distance. I promptly spilled the beans about where my health has been at and how I’ve been mostly withdrawn more than not lately. I also told him that I’d been playing it by ear with his visit, waiting until it got closer. It was then agreed between the both of us that maybe it wasn’t the best time for him to come and thankfully he was able to get a full refund from his flight. But it’s what I discovered in our next conversation that led me to make an amends with him.

I asked him if he would have ever considered coming to see me in the first place if I hadn’t guilted him into doing it. His answer was no, for the same reasons he originally presented with finances and distance. And just as important, he also told me he hadn’t been looking forward much to the trip in recent weeks. I honestly don’t blame him for feeling this way because I clearly see now that this trip was never based upon my Higher Power’s will, it was totally based upon my own will.

It really was extremely selfish and self-seeking of me to coerce my college friend like I did into him coming to see me. I truly believe that with it eventually unraveling and being cancelled like it was, that it was probably for the better. While getting my way might have satisfied my ego early on, what I received in the long run from doing it wasn’t very good. I never did feel quite right with this trip and it was more than evident that neither did he.

Thankfully my friend forgave me and all is well now between us. We both agreed that we’d see each other in the future when we both felt it was the right time to do so. And who knows, maybe we both were meant to do something else during Labor Day weekend that was always meant to happen, but wouldn’t if this guilt-laden trip still took place? Nevertheless, I’m grateful for this good reminder of a spiritual lesson I learned long ago, that guilting someone into doing something I want never does lead to anything good for either involved…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

My Own Take On Subway’s Jared Fogle

I’m sure by now just about everyone in the United States has been made aware of Subway’s former spokesman Jared Fogle and the sex crimes he’s been accused of, some of which he’s already admitted to. While everyone seems to be either making jokes about him and Subway, or are outright lambasting him in total detest, I have felt truly sad and had some compassion for him. Why? It’s simple really. Jared has a sex addiction and I can somewhat relate to that.

Thankfully I can say that I never went down those dark roads that Jared did with his sex addiction, as I never engaged in any underage sexual behaviors or child pornography. Given I was molested at 12, those were things I loathed because I had so much pain around being violated myself at such a young age. So how can I have any empathy for someone like Jared then? Well, I came to realize that sex addiction was a disease due to my own battles with it. Although I was more of a love addict, endlessly chasing after married or unavailable individuals, I did have my own issues with sex addiction as well. Adult pornography, cyber and phone sex were often my replacements for a former alcohol and drug addiction for way too many years and my life suffered greatly because of them.

Having been in successful recovery for both my sex and love addiction for almost 3 ½ years now, I’ve learned to have a lot of sympathy for those still suffering from this disease. In fact, I regularly attend weekly meetings to help with my recovery and it’s there I see others still battling with it like Jared has. But instead of making jokes or being disgusted by what I hear, I continue to look at them with love and kindness, remembering I too once suffered greatly. Even more important is the understanding I have now, that deep down below their toxic behaviors and addiction is another of God’s souls worthy of redemption.

This is why I’m so grateful I was able to find healing and recovery from my own sex and love addiction behaviors because I wouldn’t have the compassion for those still suffering from it like I do now. Unfortunately, there are too many others out there who try to fight this disease on their own like Jared did. Most end up falling only deeper into it and many eventually get arrested because of how far it takes them into its perpetual darkness. Nevertheless, I’m 100% convinced that no matter how far one retreats into that darkness that sex and love addiction leads to, that God’s love and guidance can always lead them back into the light.

Hopefully people may begin to pray for Jared Fogle instead of chastising him, and remember that he too has a piece of God within him, fully capable of being healed from a disease that has held him in its deadly grips for far too long…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

 

Daily Reflection

“We gain the strength of the temptation we resist.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Temptation is something that can come our way at any point in time. In my case, is always seems to show up at those precise moments when my ego really wants to have a little ease and comfort. Just the other day in fact, this very thing happened. I was feeling extremely frustrated and blue about where my life was at when I went on Skype to chat with my sister. It’s then I noticed I had missed an incoming call from someone else a day earlier. Lo and behold it was from a person I had engaged in far too many sexual addiction-based behaviors with many years ago. At first my hands went into autopilot mode, as I began typing a hello message to this individual. But then, my spirit quite loudly said from within, “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING ANDREW?” My ego then attempted to take control and tell me it was totally ok to have a casual friendship with this person again. For a minute I allowed myself to think about that and even went so far as to momentarily look at this person’s Facebook page. I’m happy to report that I ended up listening to my spirit and completely resisted all of that temptation to reconnect with them and instead deleted their contact and logged out for the day. I have to say that I felt a lot stronger because of it and I know that if, or when, any temptation may happen again, I have even greater strength now to resist it. Thank God for that.

I pray I resist any and all temptation to engage in behaviors that are not of my highest, greatest good and I pray I become stronger with each one I resist.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson