Month: September 2015

A Clear Reminder Of The Importance Of Having A Sponsor…

I walked into my AA home group a week ago on Monday morning and did what everyone else usually does when they arrive, I began to greet everyone with a handshake or a hug, depending on what each person was open to. Normally this action is a great way to feel connected to the bond that comes from being in recovery. But when I approached an individual I’ve known for over a year and went to give them my usual greeting with them, I was quite taken aback at what they said to me.

“You’re so negative lately! You haven’t been the same as you were a year ago!” 

I was shocked to hear these words, especially given how I rarely express any negativity during AA meetings and only once have I done anything social with this person outside of the meetings. And while I may have been a little down about my health on the day I was social with them, the word “negative” doesn’t really describe how I acted there either, as that’s something I’ve worked truly hard to remove from my everyday being. This is why I decided to inquire why they would say such a thing. I honestly wished I hadn’t though, because what came out of their mouth was only another verbal dagger.

“I just don’t feel very good energy coming from you when I’m around you…”

Unfortunately, I truly took this to heart given how hard I’ve been working on myself. On some level, it really caused me to second guess everything I’ve been doing to have a healthier recovery and a healthier spiritual life in general. But thankfully, my AA sponsor was present at the meeting that day and was open to taking a few minutes to talk with me before the meeting actually began.

He immediately reminded me of something during our brief conversation that I continue to battle with these days and that’s to realize when people say not so nice things to others such as what was said to me, that it’s really not about the people they are saying it to, it’s about themselves. Even so, I proceeded to ask him if he felt I’d been negative more than not over the past year because I’m constantly looking to improve myself and spiritually grow in life. I was grateful to hear that he didn’t feel that way and would tell me if he ever did.

Taking a hard look at myself since then, the only truth I could come up with in regards to this individual is that I have felt down and blue within more than not for close to a year now. All of that is directly related to my health issues and nothing more, but regardless I have done my absolute best to contain it and speak of nothing but experience, strength, and hope when I share at any meeting including my home group.

Thus I came to the very same conclusion that my sponsor reminded me of after all this introspection and that’s that sometimes people say the harshest of things, never realizing it’s not about the person they’re saying the words to, it’s about themselves. But even more important, I think the darkness in this world was trying to strike me down even more that day, because I was already feeling quite low to start with by the time I arrived at my meeting. Regardless, I blessed this person with love, forgiveness, and peace a number of times since then and feel a lot better now because of it.

Overall I ultimately believe it’s situations like this that continue to give me clear reminders why it’s so important to have a good sponsor in any addiction recovery program. We all get in our heads plenty of times and often end up taking things far too personal. But it’s our sponsors that are there to help unravel that mess if that should happen and thankfully my sponsor did just that by tapping into the unconditional love of my Higher Power to help me fight the darkness that came my way that day…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

When A Friend Truly Is A Close Friend…

I’m a firm believer that a really close friend is someone who will be there for me through thick and thin no matter what. But with all that I’ve been going through in the past few years due to my health, I’ve discovered a scarcity of that in my life. Just recently in fact I had to re-evaluate the level of a friendship I have with someone when they told me they didn’t want to come visit if I was feeling down and unable to get out and do much. It hurt me quite a bit to hear that from them, but afterwards I realized I’d been setting this friendship at a much higher level than what it probably has always been. And the more I pondered it, the more I saw how I’ve often done this with plenty of other friends throughout my life as well.

Over the course of the past few decades in fact, I actually have met tons of people I’d frequently refer to as one of my closest friends without ever having spent much time getting to know them. Sometimes I’d even go through a month or two hanging out with someone and would already be thinking of them as a best friend I’d like to be close with the rest of my life. With all the work I’ve been doing on myself in recent years, I can see that this was consistently due to deep-seated codependency issues. Having grown up with next to no friends, I used to latch on to whomever would spend time with me and think of them as far closer than they ever thought of me.

In regards to this person who didn’t want to come visit if I wasn’t feeling healthy enough, looking at this relationship with a much clearer set of eyes now, I can see how we’ve never been as close as I wanted to believe. The two of us have communicated via the telephone on and off for years, but rarely have gone out of our way to take a trip to go see each other. Even more important was my realization that the two of us are in very different places on our spiritual journeys in life. With that being said, I was able to work through the pain I felt from their comment after re-evaluating the level of our friendship.

In contrast though, I have another long-standing connection with someone else who was planning on coming to see me for a mini-vacation this Christmas. While I was afraid that they too might not want to come see me if by some unfortunate chance I still wasn’t feeling well, they actually felt the exact opposite. Instead, they told me that even if I weren’t up to leaving the house, they’d be happy to just come spend time with me and play some cards, watch some movies, and catch up. I was so grateful to hear this after having gone through the let down I had with my other friend.

Yet, I have looked at the big picture through all of this and must say it was a really good learning lesson for me because it ultimately helped me to look at each of my friends in a much clearer light. This is why I’ve decided to accept now that when a friend truly is a close friend, it’s really someone who will want to spend time with me no matter what, whether sick or well or up or down. And thankfully I am able to say I still have one of those…

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson

Daily Reflection

Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.” (Benjamin Franklin)

My neighbors always seem to be screaming and shouting at their children when they aren’t doing what they want them to be doing. Sometimes I can even hear them through the walls of their houses disciplining their kids with extreme anger when I’m outside doing yard work. Unfortunately, what they don’t realize is how much damage this is only going to cause their offspring the more they continue to use anger in this way. I myself went through the very same thing in the household I grew up in. Everyone was constantly shrieking and yelling to get their point across, but all that did was make them and everyone else miserable. Sadly, when I got older I became the exact same way, consistently using anger as a way to take control of so many things when they didn’t meet my ego’s expectations. Thankfully though, I eventually learned over time that anger doesn’t solve anything. It only scares many people into submission while leaving me feeling unsettled and spiritually imbalanced in the process. This is why I try to never use anger in any of my communications with others these days because I know the outcome of it will never be healthy in the long run, not for me, and not for them.

I pray that I may always find a way to peacefully communicate with everyone without ever having to resort to using anger to get my point across.

Peace, love, light, and joy,

Andrew Arthur Dawson