Sometimes it’s really hard for people to ask for help, especially when they’re new to recovery. Being that most have lived on their pride and ego for far too long, the idea of reaching out and asking for help can often feel quite foreign and too difficult to do. Ironically, I’ve never been one of those people, as I’m actually on the other side of the spectrum. From as far back as I can remember, I’ve had the tendency to ask for help way too many times, but that’s mostly because I became codependent at a very early age.
I actually learned how to be this way by watching my mother while I was growing up, as she was an overly needy person more than not. Much of that was due to the demons she hid within herself of which she never dealt with in her entire life. Sometimes she wanted help with the simplest of things and of course we always came to her aid.
During my drinking and drugging years, I leaned hard on my own codependent ways and found many a people who were more than willing to help coddle me through just about every thing I went through. Sadly, that pattern continued well beyond the day I became clean and sober from both. And what I mean by well beyond is the 12 years that I was a dry drunk.
So by the time I came into the rooms of recovery, I honestly had no problem reaching out and asking for help. Thus I had no problem picking up the phone to call someone for that help, nor did I have any problem going up to someone in a meeting and asking for it there either.
You see the issue I had in my life was with me NOT asking for help. I had become so seriously codependent that it was extremely difficult for me to go do anything on my own. Thus the path of my recovery and working the 12 Steps has been more about me learning how to be more on my own, connecting with my Higher Power, and being ok with doing much of those simple tasks in life by myself.
I’ve gotten a lot better at this in the past few years with all the health issues I’ve gone through. My trust and reliance has become more on my Higher Power than on the help of those around me, especially in the rooms of recovery. While I do still reach out at times and ask for help when I’m feeling overly troubled, I continue to work more on the not reaching out for help and instead doing that directly with my Higher Power these days. Now, my desire is to walk hand in hand with my Higher Power, asking Him for help first and foremost.
Being codependent and asking everyone else for help day in and day out really got me nowhere other than completely fearful to live my life on my own. Thank God I’ve broken free of much of that behavior and one day at a time, I’m now learning how to ask for help when my Higher Power lets me know it’s truly needed, instead of every time I feel afraid.
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson