Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another Grateful Heart Monday where I begin each week writing about a slice of gratitude in my life, which for today I’m dedicating to my sister Laura, who for all purposes has been an incredible gift to this world, and especially to my life.

By all means, my sister should have totally disowned me long ago due to all the addictions I threw upon her life day in and day out, from the age of 17 to the age of 39. Yet, she never did. Even through all my guilt trips, failed promises, backstabbing, lying, and self-centered ways, she always remained there for me, just like she did for my mother and father as well, right up until their untimely deaths.

My sister, on some level, at least in my book, is a superhero of sorts, because she thus far has dedicated the majority of her life for everyone else more so than herself. She’s probably the most selfless person I’ve ever met in my life, willing to give the very shirt off her back to help another suffering soul.

When my father became severely mentally imbalanced and was weeks away from his suicide, my sister did everything she could to show him how much she loved him, while I remained focused solely on my own selfish desires and disappeared from his life. The same was true during the last few months of my mother’s life before her tragic drunken fall down the stairs, where my sister did her best to offer unconditional love to an extremely depressed woman while I mostly just avoided communicating to my mother at all.

When I lost my seven-year relationship to a partner I thought I’d spend my life with and a business I thought I’d retire into, my sister took me in to her home when I had nowhere else to go.

When her best friend struggled to come up with money to pay for medical expenses from a disease she contracted, my sister not only contributed a significant amount of her own already stretched income, but also helped to support a fundraising effort to bring in further aid.

When those she cares about have birthdays coming up, my sister doesn’t just do a thoughtless Hallmark greeting and enclose a gift card. Instead, she takes the time to look for something truly special and unique that she hopes will somehow brighten up the recipient’s life a little.

When there is a stray animal that somehow makes its way into my sister’s life, she never abandons it and instead will consistently find a way to nurture it until it finds a home or is healthy enough to make it on its own.

When someone is struggling with their health, like I have been as of late more than not, she’ll send holistic healing products on her own dime, just to try, hoping they may help ease some of the pain.

When her children are struggling with anything in their own lives, she does her best to constantly offer unconditional love and acceptance, making sure to praise more than criticize and uplift more than discourage, which honestly, are things she nor I ever got much of in our own upbringing.

And if you’re ever able to spend even a moment of any given day in her life, I can promise you that you’ll be greeted with a smile and a hug, no matter who you are, because my sister is one of those who knows how to make everyone feel welcomed and like family, just like I believe Christ would.

You see, my sister is a great person, and worthy of today’s Grateful Heart Monday entry, for all these reasons and so much more. She has blessed this world time and time again with the gifts God bestowed her with, from cooking and baking, to doing spiritual readings and offering prayers, from gardening at schools and churches, to creating pressed glass and jewelry, and well, I could probably go on for countless pages writing about the many things my sister has selflessly done for this world, especially me.

So, I hope you have a sister, or a brother for that matter, that you can be as grateful for today, as I am for my sister, because Laura is someone who’s definitely worth being grateful for. I’m not sure if I’d still be alive today given all the pain and hardship I’ve had to endure, if it wasn’t for her ongoing acts of unconditional love, kindness, and generosity, three things of which I know God is definitely grateful for with my sister too…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Thought For The Day

Quote #1

“Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day and it’s something that doesn’t get a day off.” (Demi Lovato)

Quote #2

“You don’t get over an addiction by stopping using. You recover by creating a new life where it is easier to not use. If you don’t create a new life, then all the factors that brought you to your addiction will catch up with you again. (Unknown)

Quote #3

“Nobody stays recovered unless the life they have created is more rewarding and satisfying than the one they left behind.” (Anne Fletcher)

Quote #4

“Recovery is about healing the brain, remembering how to feel, learning how to make good decisions, becoming the kind of person who can engage in healthy relationships, cultivating the willingness to accept help from others, daring to be honest, and opening up to doing.” (Debra Jay)

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Sacrifices That Sometimes Come In Recovery From Addiction…

I truly believe that my recovery must always come first if I’m going to continue remaining sober from all the addictions I once suffered from and sometimes maintaining that principle requires me to sacrifice attending something I really want to attend.

To be more specific, I was invited recently to attend an opening night showing of the Avengers Infinity War movie with a few others from recovery. As much as I’ve been anxiously waiting with glee for this movie to arrive in theaters for a good number of years now, I respectfully declined, because the showtime was going to conflict with me attending the sex and love addicts meeting I helped to start and continue to faithfully support each week.

I must admit though, I initially got angry at the recovery friends of mine who were going, because they too attend this meeting. Because of that, I tried to get them to change the showtime, so that they and I could attend both. I even went so far as to ask that they didn’t plan any outings like this in the future that might end up conflicting with this meeting. Regrettably, I resorted to an old character defect of mine by using guilt trips to try to get my way and convince them they were in the wrong. It didn’t work and I ended up feeling a lot worse because of it. Thankfully though, I have a healthy enough program these days to realize I was in the wrong and made amends.

Yet, in the process, I realized my anger wasn’t truly about them at all, as it was more about how my ego wasn’t happy with the sacrifice it knew I needed to make for myself that night. Given this sex and love addicts meeting in the only one in our area and given we’re still in the early stages of trying to maintain enough attendance to keep it going, I had to weigh what was more important, going to the opening night of a movie or attending my recovery meeting.

In the past, I’d always allow my ego to rule my recovery life and made decisions on a regular basis that included going to movies on opening nights instead of attending the 12 Step meetings I’d regularly attend. The result of which was me cultivating more and more selfishness and self-centeredness within, two things that were always at the core of every one of my relapses and addictions I ever suffered from.

Thus, in light of that, I made the hard choice (and against my ego’s wishes) by going to my meeting rather than the movie. Could I have sacrificed the meeting and found someone to cover for me? I’m sure I could have, and while that meeting would most likely still have gone on successfully that night, it was more about me and what I know I need to do to keep myself healthy and focused both in recovery and on God’s will and purpose for me.

The bottom line is that I know that going to the movies are a luxury, and so are dinners out, or any other event that might fall at the same time as one of my 12 Step meetings. That’s why, unless I have someone visiting me from out of town who’s not in recovery or an emergency, I never skip any of the meetings I regularly attend. Because as soon as I start doing that, it’s sets forth a path where my ego becomes more in charge of my life than my Spirit. And as soon as that happens, it becomes extremely easy to start dabbling in old behaviors that eventually turn into me engaging in old addictions.

Nevertheless, I’m happy to report I’m no longer angry with my recovery friends who attended the Avengers movie that night, instead of the meeting, because none of this was ever about them. The reality is that for me, recovery MUST ALWAYS COME FIRST, no matter what, even if my ego gets angry about it and even if the coolest movie ever is about to open. Because ultimately, I know I can always see any movie at another time, but if I don’t have my recovery, I may never make it to a movie again, no matter what time it’s showing…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson