Month: August 2020

Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1 (Two alcohol jokes)

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table. The wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” sighs the husband, “she’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?” 

7 Would-Be Great Warnings On Any Bottles of Booze

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is one hundred yards away.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up naked next to someone you don’t know and probably want to keep it that way.

Silly Joke #2

A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The wife says to her husband, “For our anniversary this year you can ask me one question, any question you want to and I will answer it truthfully no matter what!” The husband replies, “Okay, this has been bothering me for a very long time, but I haven’t had the courage to ask before…but I have noticed that all of our eight children look similar to one another except one. I can’t figure out how he got to look so different. Did he have a different father than the rest?” The wife stops. She is unable to look her husband in the eyes.  Finally, she replies remorsefully, “Yes. Yes, he did have a different father than the rest. Her husband was taken aback and slowly responds, “Please, you must tell me who the child’s father was. I must know.” Again she struggles to look into his eyes. She is obviously very distressed now. After a long silence, she says slowly, “You’re his father.”

Silly Joke #3

Some Really Great Church Bulletin Blunders:

“The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.””
“Today’s Opening Hymn: “Angels We Have Heard Get High.””
“The class on prophecy has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.”
“Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping.”
“Don’t let worry kill you, let the church help.”
“This evening at 7:00 p.m. there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.”
“The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Ralph Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Annual Hanging of the Greens.”
“The beautiful flowers on the altar this morning are to celebrate the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.”

Bonus Silly Joke

Sam has been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there’s a big, bearded man standing there. “Name’s Lars …Your neighbor from forty miles away….Having a birthday party Friday … Thought you might like to come. About 5… “Great,” says Sam, “after six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.” As Lars is leaving, he stops. “Gotta warn you…There’s gonna be some drinkin’.” “Not a problem… after 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em.” Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stops. “More’n’likely gonna be some fightin’ too.” Sam says, “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.” Once again Lars turns from the door. “I’ve seen some wild sex at these parties, too.” “Now that’s really not a problem,” says Sam. “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there. By the way, what should I bring?” Lars stops in the door again and says, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us”. 

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

What is one unique expression of your love that you tend to regularly offer a person you get into a relationship with?

(Note: This is considered one’s language of love and a few examples of it may include: cooking a special meal, hiding love notes to be found, bringing home flowers, etc.)

The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

What Is Your Language Of Love?

For the longest time in my life, I didn’t know what my language of love was. To be more clear what that is, I didn’t know how to express my love to a partner. Instead, I typically focused more on my own needs than theirs. I usually struggled to offer intimacy in non-sexual ways such as cuddling, kissing, and holding hands. And I often forgot on a regular basis to show them they mattered in those little special ways, like leaving a small love note in a hidden place to be eventually happily discovered by them. The only time this ever changed was when I was in the “doghouse” and trying to get out of it, or when I had an agenda behind offering it.

After many years of pain and suffering and choosing to turn my will and life over to the care of God, that completely changed. It was only then did I begin to learn a new language of love. It was then my heart gained the desire to be more of a giver and think of the needs of my partner more than my own. It was then I found the natural drive to regularly offer intimacy on every level. And, it was then I began to truly enjoy showing my partner at least once every day in a unique way how much they mattered to me. Now, I’ve been on the other side of the coin for the past few years though, as the Universe has been teaching me what it feels like to be on the receiving end of someone who isn’t in touch with their language of love. And honestly, it’s been extremely frustrating and led to much loneliness and emptiness.

While I do feel my partner loves me, he’s often struggled to provide daily moments of intimacy or special tokens that say I really matter to him, two things I truly desire in a relationship. Much of that is specifically because he never learned that language of love in his younger years, just like I didn’t. We both came from families that didn’t teach us those type of things. Instead we learned various dysfunctional forms of love that were usually quite conditional-based and ones that carried into our adulthood. Until I went through several years of utter pain and suffering that led to me seeking a closer relationship and help from God did any of this change for me.

My partner is still on his path of self-discovery to learn what his language of love is. While there have been some moments where his has been similar to my own, we’ve joked that it often feels like we’re on completely different flights and carriers, instead of being on the same flight and in nearby rows like a healthy couple tends to be. Unfortunately, the love language he’s developed thus far is one that’s left me feeling more alone and that I don’t matter, because it’s one that doesn’t involve much closeness, touch, or special signs of his love. His love language is one that involves holding the fort down, like paying the bills, keeping food on the table, and basically making sure there’s a roof over our head. While each of those are important, they don’t fulfill a huge part of why I’m in a relationship in the first place.

All of this has led to me most recently asking myself questions that I honestly don’t want to be asking because it brings up fear. Maybe his language of love will never mirror my own? Maybe intimacy and closeness and day-to-day random acts of love are never going to be his thing? Maybe his language of love and my language of love are better suited for others out there who mirror more of what our is and may always be. These are questions I wrestle with quite a bit as of late.

I love my partner, truly I do. But as I continue to battle chronic pain and wait upon God for further guidance and ultimately relief that may or may not ever come (although I maintain the faith that it eventually will), I absolutely desire and need closeness, intimacy, and to feel special with whom I’m monogamously tied to. Whether my partner will ever be able to provide that I don’t know, but I can’t fault him for that if he never does, because all of our love languages are unique to each and every one of us. Thankfully, now I know at least what my prior relationships must have felt when I didn’t know what my own language of love was or even how to express it.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson