Month: October 2020

Grateful Heart Monday

Welcome to another iteration of my Grateful Heart Monday series, where gratitude is my only focus of my writing for the day, which for today is for all the things I’ve come to appreciate in life that once were things I never had an appreciation for, that is until my heart grew close to someone who did.

A few weeks ago, I was standing atop Fort Gratiot Lighthouse in Port Huron, Michigan, taking in the pristine view all around me, which included Canada just across the river, the Blue Water Bridge that led to it, the turquoise waters of Lake Huron, and the sandy beaches directly below me. I never used to have any appreciation for lighthouses and probably went past dozens of them regularly throughout my childhood travels simply ignoring their presence. But after spending seven years with a partner named Jerry whom I once loved very deeply, where one of his biggest passions in life was lighthouses, especially visiting them, I eventually saw the love for them through his eyes and fell in love with them myself. Ever since, I’ve done my best to visit as many of them as I can and am grateful that Jerry left me with a passion for a nautical treasure I never used to care about.

Walking around the grounds of the same lighthouse and around the waterfront of Port Huron nearby, there was something else that’s become a huge part in my life now as well, that I used to never care much about and that’s history. My current partner Chris loves history, in fact he once told me it was his favorite subject in school growing up. For the first bunch of years we were together, we went to a number of places that were considered historical, where those placards exist to solely provide tourists with a historical understanding of what’s directly in front or around them. As a kid I used to be so bored with these types of things and yawned my way through most museums, even when I went to places like the Louvre! I just rarely found any appreciation for history, except for something that was maybe was over a millennium old. But ever since meeting Chris, I’ve seen the importance of all types of history and take the time now to look at so many things considered historical, especially whenever we travel somewhere, like at Fort Gratiot and Port Huron. I found such an interest in taking a step back in time to well over 100 years prior when that lighthouse had active innkeepers and nearby was an active fort protecting the U.S. coastal waterways there.

It’s ironic as I write this and find myself pondering just how much of my life today really has become such the grateful conglomeration of passions for things I only grew to like because of my heart growing close to another. I see now how my love of bowling came solely from my first partner’s (also named Jerry) love for the game. I see now how my love for NASCAR came solely from a best friend named Randy’s love for the sport. I see now how my love of miniature golf came solely from my father’s love for the unique game. I see now how my love for sushi came solely from a close friend Keith’s love for it. I see now how my love for warm crackling fires in fireplaces came from my dear friend Dexter’s love for them. I see now how my love for playing cards and board games came solely from my mother love for both. And I see now how much my love for Christ and God and all 12 Step recovery came solely from the love my best friend Cedric always has had for each. The fact is, so much of who I am today with all the likes I have in life now, all stem from time spent with those I grew to love deeply, who had these passions to begin with that I never had much of a thirst for, that is until they came along and entered my heart.

Shooting pool, playing darts, visiting nature preserves, going to amusement parks, walking through haunted houses, hiking mountains, having domestic cats as pets, collecting crystals, holistic healing, and so much more have all been things I never used to like much at all or pay any mind towards, until God saw fit to bring into my life special individuals I grew to love, and opened my eyes a little wider each time.

So, as you can see, I truly am grateful today for so many things I initially had no interest in, that is until I met one unique individual after another in my life that I allowed my heart to connect to their, that through that process, I came to see the world in a vastly brighter way of appreciation.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

Question For The Day

Today’s question is…

Have you ever left a group/organization because its members weren’t all doing their part to help keep it going? If so, what was the group?

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson

The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step The Twelfth Step

When To Leave A Recovery Home Group…

I decided a few weeks ago it was time to leave my Sunday evening AA home group after five years of service there and I leave them with plenty of good memories, but I want you to know it wasn’t an easy decision to leave and one I definitely didn’t make in haste.

For those who might know what a home group is, it’s the main meeting a person in recovery from an addiction chooses to join and attends every week, pledging both their attendance, as well as their service, to the group itself. Unfortunately, what I’ve come to know over the years is that far too often people end up finding a home group they like, they join it by putting their name on the group list, but then only show up when they feel like it, and rarely do anything to help keep the meeting going. Sadly, many recovery meetings around the country and the world end up failing because of this.

Having been sober and in recovery for many years now, I’ve come to see the rise and fall of a number of different recovery meetings, always for the same reasons of people either not showing up or not helping to keep the meeting going. This tends to put the burden upon those members who are willing to help keep the meeting going, which then leads to them juggling multiple jobs, eventually burning out in the process. This is exactly what started happening to me about a year or so ago, long before COVID ever hit.

Before all this began though, the camaraderie of my home group was outstanding. It’s why I joined it in the first place. I was fully accepted there and never once questioned my desire to be a member. Frankly, I looked forward to attending every Sunday night and usually showed up quite early and left as the lights were being turned off. Even though this was expected of  members, I did it because I wanted to. Once a month, we’d have a business meeting to assign various group responsibilities and talk about the ongoing health of the group as well. There were typically plenty of us on hand for this where a number of us always were willing to take on the positions needed to fill. Years ago, I took on the position of secretary, as well as the “chip guy” who’d hand out anniversary tokens. At some point, I also took on social coordinator, setting up monthly events outside of the meeting for us all to connect a little more, as fellowshipping is very important to recovery.

The first time I noticed things were moving in the opposite direction of why I joined this group came during the summer of 2019 when most members had stopped attending the social gatherings. Shortly thereafter, I saw how many members weren’t showing up early anymore to help set up the meeting and were leaving as soon as it ended. A number weren’t attending the business meetings either, and for those who came, many didn’t want a duty, yet still wanted a say in the direction of the group. As an FYI, most AA home groups have the following positions: coffee/snacks person, a literature person, a chip person, a chairperson, a secretary, a treasurer, a GSR representative along with its alternate, and an Intergroup representative along with its alternate. Each month, I was noticing the same people remaining in the same positions and filling in where the rest didn’t. The one reason why people weren’t willing to take a position was frequently that they were too busy. The irony in that is that none of us were ever too busy to engage in our addiction when it had a grip upon us!

Regardless, when COVID finally hit, the overall sense of group lethargy and disunity only amplified. Those of us who were already doing our best to carry the group continued to do so, while the rest just seemed to disappear. During the past six months, my secretarial duties often felt like I was either pulling teeth to get feedback, or it was met with a sense of passive aggressiveness, even though I was merely just doing my job. After the last email I sent out was met with this repeated type of response, I decided it was time to leave the group.

I honestly never thought I’d leave this group though, but I feel secure in knowing it’s the best decision for my recovery. I’m often asked how a decision like this is actually made and this is it in a nutshell. I look for how many members actually show up at each meeting and how many come early and leave late as well. I look for laughter, connection, and fellowship amongst its members. And lastly, I look at how many members are willing to fill those group positions. But truly, at the very core, when you stop looking forward to going to your home group, it’s probably time to go.

So, as I say good bye to a group that’s been my home for over five years in AA here in Toledo, I’m excited for God to lead me to my next home where I look forward to new opportunities for fellowship and service.

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson