Silly Joke #1
Patient: “Doctor, I think I’m a moth.”
Doctor: “It’s not a doctor you need, it’s a psychiatrist.”
Patient: “Well, I was actually on my way there when I saw your light on!”
Silly Joke #2
An accountant got out of bed and complained that he had not slept a wink. “Why didn’t you count sheep?” his wife asked “I did, that is what got me into trouble” the accountant replied “I made a mistake during the first hour, and it took me until this morning to correct it.”
Silly Joke #3
Two old ladies were outside their assisted living home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What’s that?
Lady 2: A condom.
Lady 1: Where and when did you get that?
Lady 2: The drugstore the other day when they took us there…
The next time the assisted living home took them to the drugstore, the first lady hobbled into it and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a package of condoms. The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, in her 80s), but politely asked what brand she preferred. “Doesn’t matter,” she replied, “as long as it fits a Camel.”
Bonus Silly Joke
Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave’s wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, “Did you see anything under the table that you liked?” Jeff admitted embarrassingly, “Well, yes I did.” She said “you can have it, but it will cost you $100.” After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn’t, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday. Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left. Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, “Did Jeff come by this afternoon?” Totally shocked, Sandy replied, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.” Next Dave asked, “Did Jeff give you $100?” Sandy thought, ‘Oh God, he knows!’ Reluctantly she said, “Yes, he did give me $100.” “Good,” Dave says. “Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he’d stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It’s so good to have a friend you can trust!!!”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson