Silly Joke #1
A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about computing. Being a sailor, he was used to addressing his ships as “She” or “Her”. But was unsure what was proper for computers. To solve his dilemma, he set up two groups of computer experts: one group was male, and the other group was female.
The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as “HE” because:
1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model.
The group of men reported that computers should be referred to as “SHE” because:
1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Silly Joke #2
A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Mr. Green, what makes you so smart?” “I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Mr. Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re one my my best and faithful customers, I’ll let you in on my secret. It’s fish heads. If you eat enough of them, it will definitely increase your brilliance.” “Really? Do you sell them here?” the customer asks. “Yup, just $4 apiece,” says Mr. Green. The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter. “You didn’t eat enough, you only had three if I remember correctly?” says Mr. Green. So, the customer decides to buy 20 more fish heads. A few weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry. “Hey, Mr. Green,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!” “You see?” says Green. “You’re getting smarter already!”
Silly Joke #3
Kathy, a beautiful blonde woman began her job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day, during recess, Kathy noticed a young girl standing by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the kids were playing a game of soccer. A while later, Kathy walked over to the young girl and offered, “Would you like me to be your friend?” The girl looked at Kathy suspiciously, then said hesitantly, “Okay, I guess so…” “Why are you standing here all alone?” asked Kathy. “Because,” the little girl said with great exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”
Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)
A college student picked up his new date at her parents home. He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?” “No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid, either.”
Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson