Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1 (2 Quick Marriage Jokes)

“Oh God,” sighed the wife one morning, “I’m convinced my mind is almost completely gone!” Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, “I’m not surprised: You’ve been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!”

Young Son: “Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her”
Dad: “That happens in every country, son…”

Silly Joke #2

This woman rushed to see the local urgent care, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off the doctor as soon as she is seen… “Look at me! Ever since I woke up this morning, I noticed my hair is extremely wiry and frazzled, my skin is overly wrinkled and pasty, my eyes are completely bloodshot and puffy, and I have this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?” The doctor does a very thorough examination, then calmly says: “Would it help if I told you that you are in completely perfect health…?”

Silly Joke #3

Mr. and Mrs. Wilson entered an overly crowded elevator. As it descended, she became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be tightly pressed against a very gorgeous young woman. When the elevator stopped at the main floor, the gorgeous woman suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and angrily yelled, “That will teach you to pinch total strangers! Men are such pigs!” Totally bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I… I… didn’t pinch that woman?” “Of course you didn’t,” said his wife, consolingly. “I did!”

Bonus Silly Joke (Adult Humor)

On the first day of third grade, Little Johnny’s teacher was conducting a game to break the ice for her new students. The appointed student was to describe their father’s profession in five words. The rest of the class were challenged to guess what the work was, and the correct answer allowed them to be next in line. Much to her dismay, she noticed that she had bad Little Johnny again this year. Hoping to avoid him at all costs, she first started the game with Little Suzy. Little Suzy walked to the front of the class, drew back her shoulders, and proudly announced, “My Daddy cuts people open.” Hands shot up all over the room, and the teacher was grateful that Little Johnny didn’t raise his hand. Little Sims guessed correctly that her father was a surgeon, and took his turn. He stood in the front of the room and said, “My Daddy locks people up.” Again hands shot up…….but thankfully Little Johnny didn’t raise his hand. The game went on until all but Little Johnny was left. The teacher asked, “Little Johnny, do you want the class to guess what your Daddy does?” “Yeah” he said, and quickly bounded up to the front of the room. “My Daddy eats light bulbs!” The teacher was a bit taken aback by this and asked, “He eats light bulbs? Can you explain please?” “Well, Teach, every night I hear him tell Momma, “Cut out the light! I want to eat that thang!”

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson