Silly Joke Friday

Silly Joke #1

A third grade teacher asked her students, one by one, to stand in front of the class and tell the class what their Daddy’s do. Little Mary went first, “My daddy is a doctor and he saves people’s lives” “That’s wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?” “My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail,” says Little Jane. “Very good Jane. Ok Little Johnny, what does your daddy do?” “My daddy is dead” says Little Johnny. “Oh, I’m so very sorry to hear that Johnny,” said the teacher, “what did he do before he passed away?” Little Johnny responded, “He turned blue and then crapped on the carpet!”

Silly Joke #2

WIFE: “Honey, there’s trouble with our car. I think it has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? You don’t even know what a carburetor is!” Have you’ve been drinking?”
WIFE: “I’m telling you the car has water in the carburetor! And what does that matter if I’ve had a few drinks or not?”
HUSBAND: “Well, you sound a little drunk. Where’s the car now anyway?”
WIFE: “Ummm….in the neighbor’s in-ground pool.”

Silly Joke #3

LITTLE JOHNNY: “Dear God, so far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t lied, I haven’t lost my temper, I haven’t been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I’m really doing good! But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on, I’m probably going to do all those things and need your forgiveness and all ok? Thanks! Amen!”

Silly Joke #4 (Adult Humor)

Three priests went to the train station to take a trip to Pittsburgh. The senior father looked to the youngest and said, “Will you go to the booth and buy the tickets for us?” The young priest timidly replied, “Yes Father.” And he headed for the ticket booth. When he gets to the window, he sees that the young woman selling tickets is wearing a VERY low cut neckline and is VERY endowed. “Could I have three pickets to Titsburg?” he blurted. Embarrassed for his mistake, he quickly left and ran back to the other two priests and told them what had happened. The senior father then asked the middle-aged father if he would go to get the tickets. “And would you please get me two nickels for a dime while you are there?” he added. “Certainly!” the middle-aged priest replied, “I’ll be right back.” When he arrived at the booth, he said “I’d like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and could I have two nipples for a dime?” Embarrassed for what he mistakenly said, he abruptly left and ran back to the other two priests and told them what had happened. The senior father was angry and said, “You two wait here, I’ll obviously have to get them myself!” He stormed off to the ticket booth and when he got to the beautiful young lady’s booth he said, “I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and two nickels for a dime.” “And you should be ashamed of yourself, young lady. Dressing that way in public! Why….I’m sure that Saint Fingers is shaking his Peter at you right now!” Turning beet red at his mistake, he then swiftly ran away as well…

Peace, love, light, and joy,
Andrew Arthur Dawson